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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 223897" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Oh, hon, you truly need a break. Not just a weekend, but something much more. A lot of what you are going through with Wynter really is typical teen for her age. Sadly, it is 10 times worse in Wynter than in the typical kid. My daughter still suffers from I don't seeivitus. Unless I specifically point out the cats need food or water or she spilled something, she just doesn't see it. The other night, she spilled some ice cream. She actually cleaned it up! Or so she thought. When I went to the kitchen to straighten it up, I found all kinds of chocolate she had missed. Go figure. Honestly, if I had to put with that 24/7, I'd probably choke my child. It truly amazes me that you have put up with it so long and so well.</p><p> </p><p>As to doing too much for your child, yes, you probably have. I think that it is at about Wynter's age that most of us parents figure out we're trying to save our kids too much and that it is time for them to start working on saving themselves. I'd guess it is nature's way of getting us ready to shove them from the nest. For you, it is even harder because you do so well understand Wynter's struggles and want to protect her from at least some of the pain. The problem is she wants you to take care of all of it so she has NO pain. That can't happen. So, I'd suggest you start with semi-baby steps, although I'm not sure they are baby steps. Tell her online school is her responsibility 100&#37;. You will help if you can but you will not remind her to do the work. You will not nag her to get a project done. It will all be up to her. If she chooses to fail and go back to the SD, that will be her choice. She is old enough to take responsibility for herself on this one.</p><p> </p><p>For the pets, I would simply remind her they need water, etc. I know my daughter is pretty good about taking care of it once she's reminded but she really doesn't notice unless I say something, even today. It seems to be some sort of a wrinkle as Fran puts it. If she tries to stall or argue about it, I'd simply grab the pet dishes and hand them to her without a word. Ditto about letting the dog out. Hand her the leash but say nothing.</p><p> </p><p>You're like me. You try to talk to her, to help her. The reality is she uses the speeches by you as an excuse to not do. It gives her a chance to argue every little thing. been there done that. I didn't learn until mine was almost an adult. I quit talking and went into action. One reminder and then I would physically hand her whatever implement was needed to do something. I did let her know if she didn't know how to do something, I would be there to answer questions but nothing more. I learned the hard way to not give her tips on how to make a job easier until the job was done and then I would simply say that I found if I did X, it went a little faster. If I suggested that while she was doing it, she would have a fit and quit working.</p><p> </p><p>Helping our kids grow up really does sukk. We want to protect them from life's hardships. We want reality to be far away from them. Sadly, life doesn't let us and neither do they. While they want to be momma's little girl, they also want to be our equals. They can't have it both ways and we have to find a way to walk the line.</p><p> </p><p>As for you, quit listening to your daughter. She's being a brat and she knows how to push your buttons. You have gone way above motherhood duties for her. You help her every way you can. It really is time for her to start helping herself. When she harps on you about what a lousy mother/housekeeper/woman you are, simply smile and say, "Yes, dear, and since you know how to do it so much better, please do it." And let that be your parting shot. Remember, she's being the brat, not you.</p><p> </p><p>And, most importantly, HUGS!!! You are an awesome mother. I think most of us would have merrily strangled Wynter a long, long time ago.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 223897, member: 3626"] Oh, hon, you truly need a break. Not just a weekend, but something much more. A lot of what you are going through with Wynter really is typical teen for her age. Sadly, it is 10 times worse in Wynter than in the typical kid. My daughter still suffers from I don't seeivitus. Unless I specifically point out the cats need food or water or she spilled something, she just doesn't see it. The other night, she spilled some ice cream. She actually cleaned it up! Or so she thought. When I went to the kitchen to straighten it up, I found all kinds of chocolate she had missed. Go figure. Honestly, if I had to put with that 24/7, I'd probably choke my child. It truly amazes me that you have put up with it so long and so well. As to doing too much for your child, yes, you probably have. I think that it is at about Wynter's age that most of us parents figure out we're trying to save our kids too much and that it is time for them to start working on saving themselves. I'd guess it is nature's way of getting us ready to shove them from the nest. For you, it is even harder because you do so well understand Wynter's struggles and want to protect her from at least some of the pain. The problem is she wants you to take care of all of it so she has NO pain. That can't happen. So, I'd suggest you start with semi-baby steps, although I'm not sure they are baby steps. Tell her online school is her responsibility 100%. You will help if you can but you will not remind her to do the work. You will not nag her to get a project done. It will all be up to her. If she chooses to fail and go back to the SD, that will be her choice. She is old enough to take responsibility for herself on this one. For the pets, I would simply remind her they need water, etc. I know my daughter is pretty good about taking care of it once she's reminded but she really doesn't notice unless I say something, even today. It seems to be some sort of a wrinkle as Fran puts it. If she tries to stall or argue about it, I'd simply grab the pet dishes and hand them to her without a word. Ditto about letting the dog out. Hand her the leash but say nothing. You're like me. You try to talk to her, to help her. The reality is she uses the speeches by you as an excuse to not do. It gives her a chance to argue every little thing. been there done that. I didn't learn until mine was almost an adult. I quit talking and went into action. One reminder and then I would physically hand her whatever implement was needed to do something. I did let her know if she didn't know how to do something, I would be there to answer questions but nothing more. I learned the hard way to not give her tips on how to make a job easier until the job was done and then I would simply say that I found if I did X, it went a little faster. If I suggested that while she was doing it, she would have a fit and quit working. Helping our kids grow up really does sukk. We want to protect them from life's hardships. We want reality to be far away from them. Sadly, life doesn't let us and neither do they. While they want to be momma's little girl, they also want to be our equals. They can't have it both ways and we have to find a way to walk the line. As for you, quit listening to your daughter. She's being a brat and she knows how to push your buttons. You have gone way above motherhood duties for her. You help her every way you can. It really is time for her to start helping herself. When she harps on you about what a lousy mother/housekeeper/woman you are, simply smile and say, "Yes, dear, and since you know how to do it so much better, please do it." And let that be your parting shot. Remember, she's being the brat, not you. And, most importantly, HUGS!!! You are an awesome mother. I think most of us would have merrily strangled Wynter a long, long time ago. [/QUOTE]
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