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What to do? What to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 650094" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Actually withdrawing yourself from the situation is the best thing for you to do. How can they pull you into their crap if you are not available? Years ago, when my husband (used to) have immature temper tantrums, I would stand there and argue with him over things that were really no big deal. After doing CBT I decided to withdraw myself from the situation because I truly was trying to make sense out of nonsense. So when ever he was in a foul mood (no abuse but just ugly and spoiled brat type behavior) I would just go to our room and watch a favorite TV program or pamper myself in the bathroom - anything that made ME feel better - rather than get sucked into drama. You know what? It worked. husband rarely has a temper tantrum anymore, usually grumpy when tired (I also learned diabetes will do this to him) but when he does - yippee - it's ME time. </p><p>Withdrawing also gives you the space to think about what it is you want to do. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I think you get your power back not by arguing with any of them anymore but seriously making plans for what you want from your life in the future. I had a therapist tell me once, in dysfunctional relationships, when one person tries to make change for the good all the others will make that persons life a living he!! because they want things to go back the way they were, everybody continue playing the same tired roles. Maybe you going for CBT has made them uncomfortable - as you are changing - you are backing away and leaving them to their own craziness and they can't like that at all - makes it a mystery to what you may do next.</p><p></p><p>As far as what you can do if you really want out - I agree if you are being abused in anyway (verbally, mentally, financially count too!) call you local domestic violence center. As far as maybe getting a divorce down the line, if you have been a stay at home mom or a non-paid business partner (filling in when needed) depending on how long you have been married - you may be entitled to alimony until you can get back on your feet again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 650094, member: 18366"] Actually withdrawing yourself from the situation is the best thing for you to do. How can they pull you into their crap if you are not available? Years ago, when my husband (used to) have immature temper tantrums, I would stand there and argue with him over things that were really no big deal. After doing CBT I decided to withdraw myself from the situation because I truly was trying to make sense out of nonsense. So when ever he was in a foul mood (no abuse but just ugly and spoiled brat type behavior) I would just go to our room and watch a favorite TV program or pamper myself in the bathroom - anything that made ME feel better - rather than get sucked into drama. You know what? It worked. husband rarely has a temper tantrum anymore, usually grumpy when tired (I also learned diabetes will do this to him) but when he does - yippee - it's ME time. Withdrawing also gives you the space to think about what it is you want to do. I think you get your power back not by arguing with any of them anymore but seriously making plans for what you want from your life in the future. I had a therapist tell me once, in dysfunctional relationships, when one person tries to make change for the good all the others will make that persons life a living he!! because they want things to go back the way they were, everybody continue playing the same tired roles. Maybe you going for CBT has made them uncomfortable - as you are changing - you are backing away and leaving them to their own craziness and they can't like that at all - makes it a mystery to what you may do next. As far as what you can do if you really want out - I agree if you are being abused in anyway (verbally, mentally, financially count too!) call you local domestic violence center. As far as maybe getting a divorce down the line, if you have been a stay at home mom or a non-paid business partner (filling in when needed) depending on how long you have been married - you may be entitled to alimony until you can get back on your feet again. [/QUOTE]
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