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General Parenting
WHAT TO DO?
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 106891" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I took texting and downloading off my daughter's phone entirely. Saved a lot of grief and inappropriate behavior at school. It worked as a phone but nothing else. If I called her and she didn't answer (no excuse was acceptable), she would lose the phone entirely for a week.</p><p></p><p>My daughter was a runner at age 13. She ran, I called the police. Not one time did they find her but at least I had a record of it. Do contact the parents of all of his known friends and let them know that you will call if it is okay for your son to be there. Otherwise, you would appreciate a call letting you know he is there. I did this and did it in person with my daughter present. At least when she ran she couldn't run to her friends.</p><p></p><p>Taking away privileges did little for my daughter at that age. If I took the cable to the television, she would steal it from a neighbor. Ditto mouse and keyboard from the computer. I finally ended up forcing her to be glued to my side when she was grounded. This was no fun for either of us and, again, did no good except to make us both miserable.</p><p></p><p>For her, rewards worked better. A good day at school equalled a friend come over the following day. That gave me time to verify the good day rather than taking her word. Two good days was going over a friend's house. A good week gave her a slumber party to either have or attend. If she had a bad day, I would leave it to the school to consequence her, sending me an email or calling me to let me know what happened and what the consequence was (ISS, after-school detention, Saturday detention, etc.).</p><p></p><p>by the way -- A good day was a day where she didn't cut a class, didn't walk out of the classroom because she didn't like what she was hearing, wasn't rude to a teacher or classmate, didn't throw objects in class. I ignored things like her not turning in her work (her ADHD and perfectionism would kick in and she'd either lose it or refuse to turn it in because it wasn't "good enough") or talking in class (figured all the kids did this and I wasn't going to take it any further than the school did).</p><p></p><p>Basically, it is finding what works for your child. Determining what behavior is truly out of his control or at least what most kids would do. (I factored in other kids' behavior because if anything happened in class, she was always the first one blamed -- her reputation preceded her. Not everything that happens is our kids' fault and I was not going to punish her for being a teen.) If it is something he can control, then either consequence him if that makes a difference or find a reward that matters to him. Sometimes you have to do a little (or a LOT) of both.</p><p></p><p>It's not easy but it is possible to get some cooperation from a young teen. I will say I hated ages 12-15 more than any other age. GOOD LUCK!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 106891, member: 3626"] I took texting and downloading off my daughter's phone entirely. Saved a lot of grief and inappropriate behavior at school. It worked as a phone but nothing else. If I called her and she didn't answer (no excuse was acceptable), she would lose the phone entirely for a week. My daughter was a runner at age 13. She ran, I called the police. Not one time did they find her but at least I had a record of it. Do contact the parents of all of his known friends and let them know that you will call if it is okay for your son to be there. Otherwise, you would appreciate a call letting you know he is there. I did this and did it in person with my daughter present. At least when she ran she couldn't run to her friends. Taking away privileges did little for my daughter at that age. If I took the cable to the television, she would steal it from a neighbor. Ditto mouse and keyboard from the computer. I finally ended up forcing her to be glued to my side when she was grounded. This was no fun for either of us and, again, did no good except to make us both miserable. For her, rewards worked better. A good day at school equalled a friend come over the following day. That gave me time to verify the good day rather than taking her word. Two good days was going over a friend's house. A good week gave her a slumber party to either have or attend. If she had a bad day, I would leave it to the school to consequence her, sending me an email or calling me to let me know what happened and what the consequence was (ISS, after-school detention, Saturday detention, etc.). by the way -- A good day was a day where she didn't cut a class, didn't walk out of the classroom because she didn't like what she was hearing, wasn't rude to a teacher or classmate, didn't throw objects in class. I ignored things like her not turning in her work (her ADHD and perfectionism would kick in and she'd either lose it or refuse to turn it in because it wasn't "good enough") or talking in class (figured all the kids did this and I wasn't going to take it any further than the school did). Basically, it is finding what works for your child. Determining what behavior is truly out of his control or at least what most kids would do. (I factored in other kids' behavior because if anything happened in class, she was always the first one blamed -- her reputation preceded her. Not everything that happens is our kids' fault and I was not going to punish her for being a teen.) If it is something he can control, then either consequence him if that makes a difference or find a reward that matters to him. Sometimes you have to do a little (or a LOT) of both. It's not easy but it is possible to get some cooperation from a young teen. I will say I hated ages 12-15 more than any other age. GOOD LUCK!!!! [/QUOTE]
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