What was your first reaction...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemysons, Jan 28, 2012.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    when you found out your child was using drugs?

    husband and I were just talking about some of the mistakes we made with our difficult child Boys when we first found out they were using drugs at age 13/15.
    I was very scared...and tried to control them with fear mostly.
    I also took their behavior personally. I felt their behavior was a reflection of ME and how I must have messed up or done something wrong in parenting them. I was angry at how all of my efforts had failed.

    In hindsight...husband and I wish we could have looked at them and said:
    "I know where this leads AND what the answer is...and it is out there...but you must find it for yourself."

    Now I know this is probably a controversial approach as it may seem to give "permission" to the use. That is not what I am suggesting at all. But honestly, can/could ANY of us control their pursuit of drugs.
    Sure we try rehab and different programs, jail, hospitals etc...we have to. This is what society tells us we must do. But bottom line is...we can't control addiction in our child/children. They have to come to the conclusion/solution on their own.

    So what was your first reaction? Were you like me: Afraid, Taking it Personally, Trying to Control?
    Just curious...
    And what would you do or say differently now based on all the years and what you have learned?

  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member


    My experience was a little different because we had already raised a couple of teens who smoked pot for a short while. We never had any violence or disrespect in our house (with one exception which lasted for maybe a five minute meltdown before walking off). In retrospect I don't see anything more that could have been said or done. Not sure if that is good or bad..but it's the truth. Also very sad.

    From your shared experiences, however, I think you did the best you could Tammy. You had two out of control minors pretty much at the same time. You tried to set guidelines. You sought outside counsel. You forbade drugs in the house. Your interventions didn't work (mine didn't, either) but I tend to disagree with the idea that adolescents that are off track could "own" their choices.

    Obviously there comes a point where they have to "own" it. Many have found it takes years for them to be capable of accepting responsibility. Sigh. Hugs DDD
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hmmmmm good question. When I first found or seriously suspected difficult child was smoking pot I did not take it personally at all. I never took her substance abuse personally because I know from personaly family experience that nobody makes you drink or do drugs and nothing they have done or didn't do causes you to be an addict.

    I did try to control, yes I did. I tried to keep her away from the kids who were using. I tried to get her into more constructive activities, I took her to counseling, I had conferences with her teachers when her grades began to fall, I contacted the police and her school resource officer and thad them talk to her on numerous occassions to counsel her on what would happen if the drug use continued, I called the police on her and her friends when I found evidence of drug use, I contacted other parents involved to get their help.

    I believed Carol O'Conner when he said to get between your kids and drugs any way you can.

    I was surprised. husband and I pretty much saw this coming at a very early age when we had so many problems with her and she was diagnosed with ODD. We knew as she got older the problems would get older. We said many times when she was young that if we could get her through high school without being pregnant, on drugs or in jail we succeeded. We nearly made it, she did gradutae but by the skin of her teeth and she was already smoking pot and drinking.

    I'm not sure what I would have done differently. I would never allow drugs or drug use in my home, it just wasn't an option. Not only because it is illegal and it kills people and destroys families but because of the character of the people she hung around with when using. This is my home that husband and I worked very hard to get and I wasn't going to let anyone destroy it.

    We knew we had to somehow get difficult child into treatment and out of the house, we just didn't know how to do it and that's where I wish I had done something differently. I truly wish we had saved so much of the money we spent on counseling and medications and put her into treatment much sooner. By the time we did we had spent over $200,000 and depleted out savings so that when we finally did get her into treatment we could only afford 60 days and had nothing left for relapse. Looking back none of the counseling helped at all and was a waste of monet and while the medications may have helped a little at the time, they didn't justify the cost or side effects. She is on no medications now and there is no reason for her to be on any.

  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    My answer will probably be seen as being a bit off as well. It is his choice to use or not use. If he gets caught with the drugs I will not bail him out of whatever jam he gets himself into. If I find it in the house, I will turn him in my ownself. As long as there is evidence of his using, I will not give him any cash. I wll not finance his drug use. I realize that his mental illness probably drives his poor choices, but there are plenty of people who have mental illnesses who do not make poor choices.
    I do not condone the use of illegal substances. I have made my position perfectly clear to him.

    There is a natural tendency to want to blame their choices on their mental issues. When he was first diagnosed, I fell into that trap and realized real quick and in a hurry how destructive this is to both of us.
  5. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Well, I caught my difficult child with 2 other students from the school where I teach, smoking pot at my home. It was during a school assembly and she was missing. I went home to see if she was there. I was in shock...utter shock. I knew she was struggling, but no idea about pot. I had to turn them in. It was the right thing to do. I took them back to school, called the resource officer and they were charged. The mother of the other girl was livid with me. She was an ex-meth adict and her husband was in jail for dealing. She was the pot provoder. The boy's dad was a dealer and the boy well know to the courts.

    So I was tough. The law is the law and I was a teacher and they were sluffing and using. What else could I have done but took them back and lied for them? No way. It was the beginning of the downward spiral and the bottom has not been reached yet. That was 3 years ago. I have called the police every time I have found paraphenelia or drugs. They do nothing if it is in my home. Apparently we have no proof it is hers????

    Yes I was affraid. Yes I controlled. We went to all extremes, took out the house phone. Locked down everything, husband took a night job so we would always have someone home etc.. We became an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and were exhausted. She just started leaving school to do what she was going to do. We did 2 RTCs. I still struggle with control. I am a structured person. Our home is and my classroom is. But it isn't going to stop her and I know this. I just cant stop wanting to be a mom like other moms and hoping she will turn a corner and respond. We get double messages as well. From the therapists, dO this, structure this, and then with 12 step, let go of this, take care of yourself, etc...

    I will only discuss if she is willing to sit and not cuss or yell. When this starts I am done. I listen. I don't believe any promises, I offer support when it is appropriate and not enabling (the line is grey and shady here), and yes I worry like I always have. I am still in recovery and trauma and I am not following the 12 steps purely.

    What I would do differently is to listen more, judge less and trust myself. The professionals made me doubt myself and they all had different reasons why I should. I would not doubt my mother gut ever again!

    This is hard isn't it?
  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    husband has a "bowling analogy" (he is a bowling coach, lol) that he was just discussing with me.
    He said, "We are not responsible for results...Only execution".
    Meaning, we can do EVERYTHING we can to see to it that the ball gets down the lane and hits all the pins...that is the goal. But, at the point we let go of the ball at the line...we are no longer responsible. The results are not ours. This is how husband lives with himself regarding our difficult child's.

    I think it is good to realize that we have ALL fought a good fight for our Sub Abusing difficult children lives.
    But at some point...and here is my analogy...we have to tell them to Sink or Swim. We no longer can tread water and fight for their lives anymore...they must do it for themselves.
    The money runs out, the emotions run out, the strength runs out, etc. I know I can't do this for them anymore. My Psychotic breakdown 5yrs ago should have told me that.

    DDD...So true that it can take years and years for them to be capable of accepting responsiblity.

    I am trying to have hope for my young difficult child.
    I think I will simply tell him I have confidence that he will find the answers to his problems...I have done all I can...we all have.

  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I agree. In the begining we want to do all we can to help and protect. We set our homes up as safety zones for our kids. We seek help. We work with the schools. it is hard to seperate what behaviors are directly a result of the illness or just them. Sometimes it is almost impossible to sort it out. It eats us alive. We do everything we are told to do by well meaning individuals. We are sent conflicting advice. We try it all.

    The bottom line is we do the BEST we can. They either get it or they don't.
  8. compassion

    compassion Member

    LMS shared:So what was your first reaction? Were you like me: Afraid, Taking it Personally, Trying to Control?
    Just curious...
    And what would you do or say differently now based on all the years and what you have learned?

    My difficult child was 15 , I was in shock,scared, yes tried to control took it personlly, as I was a devoted homeschool mom who deciated her life to chneel her in poistve activies. She now will be 19 in April. I think I am a lot better at taking care of myself, I accept it most days, I still have to say the Sereinty Prayer on a daily basis,what can I really contol?boudnaries, but mostly taking casre of me and detatching. I am still advocating but trying to be more realsitc. I am in the process of trying to get her nto a dual diagnosis facitility. I have leanred to protect us better, emtinally and fincnacially. I choose to support her in prossoical acitivies but need to take care of me first. My choice has been to support educaiton, work plus NA/AA and currently inpatient.
  9. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    So funny - I vividly remember him saying that (on Johnny Carson?) and then the later PSA commercials - and they always struck me. And that is exactly what we did. Until difficult child removed himself from our lives last week.

    When difficult child got a drinking citation (non driving - underage party - he blew a 0.03 - so 1 beer) at age 16, we picked him up, brought him home and told him we were taking him for a drug test in the morning. My frightened son babbled that he had been experimenting with rx drugs - Xanax iirc? with two of his friends. He was scared to death and extremely cooperative. We took away his car keys (h's car), computer, phone and iTouch. Basically house arrest. It was Labor day weekend and I walked around in circles in my house from 1:00 am until 5 pm the next day - intermittently crying and googling for answers and anxiously awaiting his doctor's ( a pediatrician) return call. She never did call - I hadn't left an urgent enough message to alert the doctor on call, and she was at her dying father's bedside - he died the following day - so excusable. H bought a $$$ drug test at the drugstore, watched difficult child take it (negative) and we sent it in for lab results. We never told difficult child the results. He was being super cooperative.

    I finally got in touch with a director at a non-for-profit local ATOD resource center (amazing resource in our county) and she was kind enough to email me back and talk me down a bit. On difficult child's first day of his junior year (Tuesday following labor day), we pulled him out of school to take him for an assessment there. H also accompanied difficult child to football practice to "confess" his code violation and begin serving his athletic suspension. difficult child had to stand on a bench in the locker room and tell his teammates and apologize for letting them down. The team/coaches closed ranks around him but were stern yet positive. He still had to attend practice and work out and he was given the tasks to do at the J/V and freshman games. The coach did not let them wear their jerseys during the games so that the crowd/local press would not know who was out and why. I still thank God for their positive support. So many other schools (even other coaches for other sports at our school) just suspend the kid or ostracize them OR brush it under the rug like it's no big deal.

    difficult child's assessment came back high risk and the counselor at the resource center recommended out patient treatment. She also alerted the county judge that they had seen difficult child and asked the judge to make treatment mandatory as part of his fine.(which he later did) She put down that difficult child was likely to be resistant to treatment (he wasn't) as added reason for the court to request treatment. There were no criminal penalties for his drinking (just a civil ticket) but he could have lost his license until age 18 had he not complied.

    I spent the next 2 days trying to find a counselor. Started with recommendations from valued sources and none of them worked out. Then I asked some trusted friends, HS social worker etc. Same thing. I finally resorted to the provider booklet for our insurance company and got down to the T's when I found a doctor willing to see him. It was one of the most exhausting things I have ever done. I called dozens of providers, spilling out difficult child's issue to the "gatekeeper" and the best I got from some was that they would "Talk to the doctor to see if they what they thought about accepting difficult child as a patient". Others flat out refused - they didn't treat teens, they thought I should try rehab first, they didn't accept new patients, they didn't like our insurance...it was AWFUL. I must have told our story two dozen times - each subsequent time weighed me down even more. And the return calls from the doctor's offices who didn't want to see difficult child - even worse. "Dr T" accepted us, had an opening that week and BOOM.

    Personally, I went into a funk. I had lost my dad 6 months earlier, was dealing with my shell shocked saddened mom, we had just moved (new house, same town) and PC17 was starting HS and H was starting to work from home. I probably turned on my husband. He had a recurrence of an existing back issue (that flares under stress) and ended up in bed for weeks. I was driving H to the doctor and PT and difficult child to therapy and thought I would lose my mind. We didn't let difficult child out of our sight and I ended up having to do a parent/student program with him at school (8 weeks) so that he would be eligible for sports again. Plus Varsity football is a bfd at our school - very parent intensive - and I was hosting all 45 football moms at our house for a parent get together where I ended up having to tell them "why" my son was benched. Great group of women, a few stayed late into the night to talk. Then the economy tanked, taking h's paycheck and most of our safety nets with it and you know the rest.

    But, we closed rank around our son, traded our mandatory Saturday night date nights for a DVD at home, dinner was on the table at 6 every night, friends were always welcomed and we developed a great relationship with our son. He was our shining star and we were so proud of him.

    difficult child thrived in therapy after a rocky start. We drug tested him weekly for months and then randomly and 2-3x a month + alcohol swabs until last last summer. He never failed a drug test and we have no reason to believe he was using again until this summer. He got straight As his junior & senior year, stopped therapy at the counselors suggestion and he was in an awesome place. When we spoke to him about his college plans after HS graduation - HE made a 3.0 and drug testing part of his college tuition "covenant." HIS SUGGESTION, not ours. He was great - until his 2nd semester his freshman year of college. And here we are...

    Sometimes I wonder if any of it made a difference.
    Lasted edited by : Jan 28, 2012
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    LMS, from afar, I really think that now is the time for your difficult child (and his wife) to know that your love is constant but you and your husband have decided to focus on your life. He has time to think with-o family or friends available. He will have time to actually make a decision...or perhaps, sadly, no decision. His wife will also have time to transition her thinking and brainstorm ideas so her dependency and attachment to you can ebb a bit. I feel a little hypocritical suggesting that you take action when my difficult child still lives at home. The circumstances are a little different and for now the "line in the sand" for me is "if" he ever gets arrested again, he's on his own. Obviously he is still dependent on us which isn't healthy but he has taken steps forward.

    I don't believe I've ever shared this before but I think there is an analogy. My Ex and I got married when we were in college and discovered that easy child#1 was on the way. He was 1.5 years away from his degree. After six months of living on campus my parents offered to let us live in their home until graduation. We did exactly that and it went quite smoothly....BUT....Ex and I did not mature as much as we should have during that time. When he graduated and we headed off to Va to "start our life" we were like kids going on a road trip ready to "play house". We didn't have a clue how difficult it was to be functioning adults on our own with two babies. We had never managed money. I about went nuts having two babies alone...I hadn't appreciated all the perks of living with my parents. We were not actually adults. Obviously, eventually, I grew into my role but it took awhile for me to see that I hadn't really appreciated how too much help can stunt growth.

    If you and husband agree to take this step your son and his wife may just turn to her Mom for support but maybe, just maybe, they can chart a course for "their" family and feel pride in doing so. Hugs DDD
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sig, thank you for sharing your story. You've shared bits and pieces before but never the whole thing. I am curious, was it just that one beer and citation that caused you to take him to therapy and put you on alert? The reason I'm asking is because we had much more evidence on our difficult child, she was drinking every weekend and smoking pot every chance she got and yet we couldn;t get anyone to take notice until we finally got the police involved. Her count was .297 when we took her to the hospital when she passed out in our basement at the flag team get together much to our surprise and embarrassment. She was not even kicked off the team because it was not a school sponsored event and just ahd to apologize to the team. Even her court appearance was nothing, just probation for 6 months because they said they felt we as her parents were doing a better job than they could :groan:.

    Why was it so hard to get a counselor?

    Most all of the kids around here drink, not that I condone it at all, but if she had only drank one beer I'm not sure I would have been as vigilant in thinking there was a problem. Were there other indications that caused red flags to wave for you?

  12. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Um, a couple of red flags but really nothing major. I consider the citation a true gift from God. It was the summer going into junior year, he had a brand new driver's license, pretty girlfriend who adored him - the red flags were easily explained away by a new found sense of teen bravado. We caught him in a few lies, he was being a bit difficult (wanted a later curfew, etc) but nothing out of the norm for a teenager. The night we got the call from the police department - he had told us he was going to the movies with friends. We got the call at 9:30 pm - so the party had not gotten out of control; I am sure a later breathalyzer wouldn't have been so favorable. A bunch of kids ran, but difficult child remained calm, was exceedingly polite with the police and told the kids around him to just sit down and relax and do what the police said. In fact, the police told us he was a really great kid and were appreciative of his cooperation and calm head.

    That said, he was like a deer in headlights when we picked him up. The moment he got home and we sat him down and asked what the heck was going on - he blabbed and wouldn't stop. We learned all about the parties, who was where, when he had gotten drunk, "remember that night when I came home and said I blah blah blah...well, I was really drunk/ hungover etc"

    Some mother instinct in me made me ask "what about drugs? Tomorrow, we will take you to Dr. H for a drug test, so it's better for you if you tell us now..." Honestly, I think I was bluffing. I thought he would cop to smoking some pot and that would be it. And I don't know what prompted me to ask. But that's how it went... and when he talked about Xanax - I almost had a heart attack.

    We are lucky that our school takes a pretty firm but supportive stand. And I told every parent that I knew. I wanted them to know that if they saw difficult child behaving oddly or heard about a party - that WE CARED AND IT WASN'T OK with us.

    The hardest lesson learned was that he was pressured to turn in the kids who fled. In our athletic conference, merely attending a party where alcohol or drugs are present is a code violation whether or not you partake. difficult child's best friend had fled and was also on the football team and played the same position. difficult child pressured his friend to turn himself in - but he did not and difficult child did not turn him in. When difficult child lost his special teams position due to the violation - his best friend got it. When a star player got injured at the state game, difficult child's boyfriend replaced him instead of difficult child. It was a hard lesson and I am not sure it benefited difficult child.

    Edited to add - we also had noticed some alcohol missing - a few beers (Didn't we just buy a twelve pack - why are there only a few left?") and some vodka - I had made penne alla vodka and noticed we were almost out - but I hadn't thought much of it. We are not big drinkers - we had a lot of beer on hand that summer because we had just moved in and had people helping us out & stopping by and it was nice to offer them a cold beer on a hot summer's day. The Tuesday I spent all day on the phone calling Tdocs was also the day the locksmith added locks to the liquor cabinet.
  13. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oops - about the counselors

    I not sure why it was so hard to find a counselor. I think mostly it was because so many tdocs specialize - a lot of adolescent/teen counselors specialize in learning issues or adhd or eating disorders and don't want to see kids with substance issues. Some were not accepting new patients or couldn't get us in for weeks or only treated children. Because difficult child's doctor was understandably MIA - I didn't get a recommendation from her - which may have saved me some calls. It was also important to find someone in our town because I didn't want difficult child to give up football - so I needed to be able to pull him out of lunch or study hall for appointments and get him back to school. He was on thin ice with the team and football gave him so much joy - I knew missing practices would not work out in his favor with the coaches. And football was our ace in the hole - the carrot on the stick!
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I understand better now, so it wasn't just the one beer he had at the party, he admitted to drinking previously and experimenting with drugs. Honestly Sig in my area there are not that many parents who would have been as diligent as you or taken it as seriously. They thought we were crazy when we cracked down so hard on difficult child, but we had the background information on her birthparents that had the red flags waving for years, so we knew this wasn't just teens being teens. Honestly most of the parents here turn their heads to their teens drinking and even allow them to drink in their homes as long as they dont; drive. They have the attitude that if they get good grades and are popular it is ok. Of course we never did go along with that because while they may drink and smoke pot they would turn out ok and we knew ours would not.

    And while we never had a problem finding a counselor for difficult child over the years, I do remember now having a difficult time finding one after she was released form rehab. Many did not want to deal with substance abuse.

  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Onyxx using didn't surprise me at all. Scared me, yes... But I knew. It took a while to get husband convinced. I tried to control, just to help. And that didn't work. I withdrew - too far. I was so inconsistent I'm surprised I'm not permanently crooked.
  16. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Awww Step,
    These are complicated difficult...downright hard things to deal with.
    I think we all know what you mean about being permanently crooked, smile.

    Not for the faint of heart...and we're all just doing the VERY VERY best that we can at any given time. Fighting fires on all sides...trying to keep our sanity and some sense of normalacy for the others.
  17. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    When i discovered my son was smoking cigarettes at about age 11 i think i went ballistid. I was very upset. Around the same time my husband discovered some beers missing....i cant remember but i think we handled that calmly and met with my sons therapist about it. He talked to my son and yes my son had tried them by himself in the woods behind our house. His concern was my son liked it and he felt he was at very high risk for substance abuse. Looking back its like well yeah...what kids first time getting drunk is by themselves?

    Anyway at the time the therapist saw the issues of control between me and my son and felt we should be a bit more relaxed about it. We really like this therapist and so we tried that which did not totally feel right to us to be honest and we probably could not carry it off. However in the end i dont think it really mattered.

    We got through middle school with various issues and my husband keeping a very tight watch on his alcohol, including hiding it in our clothes closet. When my son was a freshman in hs things went down hill fast. He was sleeping every afternoon, staying up all night, always tired, doing terrible in school and things between us were bad. I finally took him to the doctor And they drug tested him which showed pot. Meanwhile he was still seeing the counselor. By this time i was not surprised by the pot smoking although a bit confused since i thought i would have smelled it on him or been able to tell and i did not. So i handled it calmly. Things though were pretty bad and we were really really worried. From what i knew he would try anything....we discovered a gas cap loose on a gas can we had for the lawnmower! I was scared to death. So we had a contract with him that if he got in trouble with th police or school he would go to wilderness. It took him for days to do both. So the we spent $$$ to send him to wilderness and a TBS. He was gone for 16 months which gave the rest of us and particularly ny daughter time to heal. I am convinced that that time away may have saved her from later problems. When he came back he looked great. Gosh he was doing so well....but then things started to slide again.

    So nothing we did helped in the long run but i think it did give him some sober time imbetween for brain devlopment etc.

    And i have gone over and over in my head of what could we have done differently and have come to the conclusion that unless we lived out in the middle of nowhere with no outside influences i dont think we could have prevented this. I think he is strongly predisposed to substance abuse.

    I think there are kids who can drink and smoke pot in their youth without huge consequences...my son is not one of them.
  18. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My first reaction was denial. I didn't want to believe that drugs were involved. I kept thinking that our difficult child was just going through a normal teenage rebellion stage. Then we tried control . . . we really clamped down on her but that just made things worse. The next step was counseling which was a huge waste of time and money. I can't believe some of the stuff that came out of the mouths of people who were supposed to be experts.

    After she turned 18, we started paying her rent to get her out of the house thinking that she would eventually grow up. Eight years later, we are still supporting her.

    Looking back, I wish we had sent her away to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) removing her from the evil friends that she had here and forcing her to face up to her substance abuse issues. I was too busy focusing on getting her to graduate from high school on time which she did. In retrospect, I realize that was the least of our problems.

  19. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Sending her to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) may have worked but it may not have. The more we controlled the worse our daughter got. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) stays have ended up causing more issues. She came out worse both times. She learned new tricks, the sytem, and she felt as if our solution to dealing with her was to send her away-get rid of her. There are no hard and fast answers. We do what we do at any given time based on what we have, and know.

    Though I am threading down the 12 step path, I do it with suspicion and a bit of a grudge-though I must admit I really like this group and felt very supported. Everything we have tried we have had no results or minimal results. One book I read about borderline personality even said that the tough love approach would backfire. I don't know if that is what we will end up with-but 2 professionals have said she has the traits. So on one hand, we use Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as a treatment, where tough love is the order of the day for the substance abuse, and yet we may have made the mental illnesses worse. Who knows???

    There isn't a cure or a one way answer for our kids. Many have substance abuse issues but have mental illness as a complicator. I am trying to feel better about myself and my life so I can be the person I once was-that is what I hope I get from families anonymous. I will go day by day with difficult child. I am praying she will be able to care for herself someday. There are days when I know she can and days when I think she is so immature and incapable.
  20. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for sharing your stories, your reactions, your conclusions.

    I so understand various comments about mental illness excusing the behavior. And about living out in the middle of nowhere where the druggies and drugs can't be found. However, husband and I lived in the mountains of Colorado when young difficult child and Oldest difficult child were 12 1/2 and 14. We thought we were "bullet proof" but that is where the real experimentation, defiance, suspensions, etc. began, particularly for our oldest. So what did I do? Got scared and decided to give up our "dream home" (that we he had always wanted and worked VERY hard for) and move back to Texas!
    WHat a mistake. And what RESENTMENT husband began to have for me.
    Our difficult child sons' behaviors got worse and drug use took over...my marriage almost ended.

    I also understand conflicting remarks from school officials hospitals councelors vs AA.
    Society tells us to do this, try this, etc. AA says, "Surrender to Win" "Let go and Let G-d" and we ask ourselves...What is the right thing to do? It is so incredibly confusing!

    By the looks of things, Alcohol and drugs should have destroyed us emotionally and financially but yet we live on.
    We are true survivors!

    Thanks again for sharing.