I believed Carol O'Conner when he said to get between your kids and drugs any way you can.
So funny - I vividly remember him saying that (on Johnny Carson?) and then the later PSA commercials - and they always struck me. And that is exactly what we did. Until difficult child removed himself from our lives last week.
When difficult child got a drinking citation (non driving - underage party - he blew a 0.03 - so 1 beer) at age 16, we picked him up, brought him home and told him we were taking him for a drug test in the morning. My frightened son babbled that he had been experimenting with rx drugs - Xanax iirc? with two of his friends. He was scared to death and extremely cooperative. We took away his car keys (h's car), computer, phone and iTouch. Basically house arrest. It was Labor day weekend and I walked around in circles in my house from 1:00 am until 5 pm the next day - intermittently crying and googling for answers and anxiously awaiting his doctor's ( a pediatrician) return call. She never did call - I hadn't left an urgent enough message to alert the doctor on call, and she was at her dying father's bedside - he died the following day - so excusable. H bought a $$$ drug test at the drugstore, watched difficult child take it (negative) and we sent it in for lab results. We never told difficult child the results. He was being super cooperative.
I finally got in touch with a director at a non-for-profit local ATOD resource center (amazing resource in our county) and she was kind enough to email me back and talk me down a bit. On difficult child's first day of his junior year (Tuesday following labor day), we pulled him out of school to take him for an assessment there. H also accompanied difficult child to football practice to "confess" his code violation and begin serving his athletic suspension. difficult child had to stand on a bench in the locker room and tell his teammates and apologize for letting them down. The team/coaches closed ranks around him but were stern yet positive. He still had to attend practice and work out and he was given the tasks to do at the J/V and freshman games. The coach did not let them wear their jerseys during the games so that the crowd/local press would not know who was out and why. I still thank God for their positive support. So many other schools (even other coaches for other sports at our school) just suspend the kid or ostracize them OR brush it under the rug like it's no big deal.
difficult child's assessment came back high risk and the counselor at the resource center recommended out patient treatment. She also alerted the county judge that they had seen difficult child and asked the judge to make treatment mandatory as part of his fine.(which he later did) She put down that difficult child was likely to be resistant to treatment (he wasn't) as added reason for the court to request treatment. There were no criminal penalties for his drinking (just a civil ticket) but he could have lost his license until age 18 had he not complied.
I spent the next 2 days trying to find a counselor. Started with recommendations from valued sources and none of them worked out. Then I asked some trusted friends, HS social worker etc. Same thing. I finally resorted to the provider booklet for our insurance company and got down to the T's when I found a doctor willing to see him. It was one of the most exhausting things I have ever done. I called dozens of providers, spilling out difficult child's issue to the "gatekeeper" and the best I got from some was that they would "Talk to the doctor to see if they what they thought about accepting difficult child as a patient". Others flat out refused - they didn't treat teens, they thought I should try rehab first, they didn't accept new patients, they didn't like our insurance...it was AWFUL. I must have told our story two dozen times - each subsequent time weighed me down even more. And the return calls from the doctor's offices who didn't want to see difficult child - even worse. "Dr T" accepted us, had an opening that week and BOOM.
Personally, I went into a funk. I had lost my dad 6 months earlier, was dealing with my shell shocked saddened mom, we had just moved (new house, same town) and PC17 was starting HS and H was starting to work from home. I probably turned on my husband. He had a recurrence of an existing back issue (that flares under stress) and ended up in bed for weeks. I was driving H to the doctor and PT and difficult child to therapy and thought I would lose my mind. We didn't let difficult child out of our sight and I ended up having to do a parent/student program with him at school (8 weeks) so that he would be eligible for sports again. Plus Varsity football is a bfd at our school - very parent intensive - and I was hosting all 45 football moms at our house for a parent get together where I ended up having to tell them "why" my son was benched. Great group of women, a few stayed late into the night to talk. Then the economy tanked, taking h's paycheck and most of our safety nets with it and you know the rest.
But, we closed rank around our son, traded our mandatory Saturday night date nights for a DVD at home, dinner was on the table at 6 every night, friends were always welcomed and we developed a great relationship with our son. He was our shining star and we were so proud of him.
difficult child thrived in therapy after a rocky start. We drug tested him weekly for months and then randomly and 2-3x a month + alcohol swabs until last last summer. He never failed a drug test and we have no reason to believe he was using again until this summer. He got straight As his junior & senior year, stopped therapy at the counselors suggestion and he was in an awesome place. When we spoke to him about his college plans after HS graduation - HE made a 3.0 and drug testing part of his college tuition "covenant." HIS SUGGESTION, not ours. He was great - until his 2nd semester his freshman year of college. And here we are...
Sometimes I wonder if any of it made a difference.