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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 503111" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>LMS, from afar, I really think that now is the time for your difficult child (and his wife) to know that your love is constant but you and your husband have decided to focus on your life. He has time to think with-o family or friends available. He will have time to actually make a decision...or perhaps, sadly, no decision. His wife will also have time to transition her thinking and brainstorm ideas so her dependency and attachment to you can ebb a bit. I feel a little hypocritical suggesting that you take action when my difficult child still lives at home. The circumstances are a little different and for now the "line in the sand" for me is "if" he ever gets arrested again, he's on his own. Obviously he is still dependent on us which isn't healthy but he has taken steps forward.</p><p></p><p>I don't believe I've ever shared this before but I think there is an analogy. My Ex and I got married when we were in college and discovered that easy child#1 was on the way. He was 1.5 years away from his degree. After six months of living on campus my parents offered to let us live in their home until graduation. We did exactly that and it went quite smoothly....BUT....Ex and I did not mature as much as we should have during that time. When he graduated and we headed off to Va to "start our life" we were like kids going on a road trip ready to "play house". We didn't have a clue how difficult it was to be functioning adults on our own with two babies. We had never managed money. I about went nuts having two babies alone...I hadn't appreciated all the perks of living with my parents. We were not actually adults. Obviously, eventually, I grew into my role but it took awhile for me to see that I hadn't really appreciated how too much help can stunt growth.</p><p></p><p>If you and husband agree to take this step your son and his wife may just turn to her Mom for support but maybe, just maybe, they can chart a course for "their" family and feel pride in doing so. Hugs DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 503111, member: 35"] LMS, from afar, I really think that now is the time for your difficult child (and his wife) to know that your love is constant but you and your husband have decided to focus on your life. He has time to think with-o family or friends available. He will have time to actually make a decision...or perhaps, sadly, no decision. His wife will also have time to transition her thinking and brainstorm ideas so her dependency and attachment to you can ebb a bit. I feel a little hypocritical suggesting that you take action when my difficult child still lives at home. The circumstances are a little different and for now the "line in the sand" for me is "if" he ever gets arrested again, he's on his own. Obviously he is still dependent on us which isn't healthy but he has taken steps forward. I don't believe I've ever shared this before but I think there is an analogy. My Ex and I got married when we were in college and discovered that easy child#1 was on the way. He was 1.5 years away from his degree. After six months of living on campus my parents offered to let us live in their home until graduation. We did exactly that and it went quite smoothly....BUT....Ex and I did not mature as much as we should have during that time. When he graduated and we headed off to Va to "start our life" we were like kids going on a road trip ready to "play house". We didn't have a clue how difficult it was to be functioning adults on our own with two babies. We had never managed money. I about went nuts having two babies alone...I hadn't appreciated all the perks of living with my parents. We were not actually adults. Obviously, eventually, I grew into my role but it took awhile for me to see that I hadn't really appreciated how too much help can stunt growth. If you and husband agree to take this step your son and his wife may just turn to her Mom for support but maybe, just maybe, they can chart a course for "their" family and feel pride in doing so. Hugs DDD [/QUOTE]
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