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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 503284"><p>When i discovered my son was smoking cigarettes at about age 11 i think i went ballistid. I was very upset. Around the same time my husband discovered some beers missing....i cant remember but i think we handled that calmly and met with my sons therapist about it. He talked to my son and yes my son had tried them by himself in the woods behind our house. His concern was my son liked it and he felt he was at very high risk for substance abuse. Looking back its like well yeah...what kids first time getting drunk is by themselves?</p><p></p><p>Anyway at the time the therapist saw the issues of control between me and my son and felt we should be a bit more relaxed about it. We really like this therapist and so we tried that which did not totally feel right to us to be honest and we probably could not carry it off. However in the end i dont think it really mattered.</p><p></p><p>We got through middle school with various issues and my husband keeping a very tight watch on his alcohol, including hiding it in our clothes closet. When my son was a freshman in hs things went down hill fast. He was sleeping every afternoon, staying up all night, always tired, doing terrible in school and things between us were bad. I finally took him to the doctor And they drug tested him which showed pot. Meanwhile he was still seeing the counselor. By this time i was not surprised by the pot smoking although a bit confused since i thought i would have smelled it on him or been able to tell and i did not. So i handled it calmly. Things though were pretty bad and we were really really worried. From what i knew he would try anything....we discovered a gas cap loose on a gas can we had for the lawnmower! I was scared to death. So we had a contract with him that if he got in trouble with th police or school he would go to wilderness. It took him for days to do both. So the we spent $$$ to send him to wilderness and a TBS. He was gone for 16 months which gave the rest of us and particularly ny daughter time to heal. I am convinced that that time away may have saved her from later problems. When he came back he looked great. Gosh he was doing so well....but then things started to slide again.</p><p></p><p>So nothing we did helped in the long run but i think it did give him some sober time imbetween for brain devlopment etc.</p><p></p><p>And i have gone over and over in my head of what could we have done differently and have come to the conclusion that unless we lived out in the middle of nowhere with no outside influences i dont think we could have prevented this. I think he is strongly predisposed to substance abuse.</p><p></p><p>I think there are kids who can drink and smoke pot in their youth without huge consequences...my son is not one of them.</p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 503284"] When i discovered my son was smoking cigarettes at about age 11 i think i went ballistid. I was very upset. Around the same time my husband discovered some beers missing....i cant remember but i think we handled that calmly and met with my sons therapist about it. He talked to my son and yes my son had tried them by himself in the woods behind our house. His concern was my son liked it and he felt he was at very high risk for substance abuse. Looking back its like well yeah...what kids first time getting drunk is by themselves? Anyway at the time the therapist saw the issues of control between me and my son and felt we should be a bit more relaxed about it. We really like this therapist and so we tried that which did not totally feel right to us to be honest and we probably could not carry it off. However in the end i dont think it really mattered. We got through middle school with various issues and my husband keeping a very tight watch on his alcohol, including hiding it in our clothes closet. When my son was a freshman in hs things went down hill fast. He was sleeping every afternoon, staying up all night, always tired, doing terrible in school and things between us were bad. I finally took him to the doctor And they drug tested him which showed pot. Meanwhile he was still seeing the counselor. By this time i was not surprised by the pot smoking although a bit confused since i thought i would have smelled it on him or been able to tell and i did not. So i handled it calmly. Things though were pretty bad and we were really really worried. From what i knew he would try anything....we discovered a gas cap loose on a gas can we had for the lawnmower! I was scared to death. So we had a contract with him that if he got in trouble with th police or school he would go to wilderness. It took him for days to do both. So the we spent $$$ to send him to wilderness and a TBS. He was gone for 16 months which gave the rest of us and particularly ny daughter time to heal. I am convinced that that time away may have saved her from later problems. When he came back he looked great. Gosh he was doing so well....but then things started to slide again. So nothing we did helped in the long run but i think it did give him some sober time imbetween for brain devlopment etc. And i have gone over and over in my head of what could we have done differently and have come to the conclusion that unless we lived out in the middle of nowhere with no outside influences i dont think we could have prevented this. I think he is strongly predisposed to substance abuse. I think there are kids who can drink and smoke pot in their youth without huge consequences...my son is not one of them. TL [/QUOTE]
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