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What was your most difficult boundary to set AND enforce?
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 365700" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Bean, this is a very interesting question...</p><p></p><p>I guess the most significant thing, and the most difficult, that I've learned in setting boundaries with my difficult child is that once I have set a boundary it is forever. No second chances, no breaks, no easing up because of good behaviour, no changes at all. </p><p>It's easy to think, he is doing so well, I can lighten up now. Or, she's been so helpful and polite. Maybe just this once I can let her <whatever it is>. But that defeats the whole purpose of the boundaries. If I lighten up on one thing, then my difficult child assumes that the rule no longer applies. He also figures that if the one rule is off, he'd better test all of the others to see if any of them have come off as well. difficult child seems to do best when all choices are removed, and he can only behave properly because there's no alternative.</p><p></p><p>As far as specific boundaries, I guess the most difficult one has been No Touching. difficult child has had many issues over the years with unwanted and inappropriate touch, most of it directed at me. I tried all sorts of methods to limit it (a 2-second hug counted out loud, arm around shoulders only, etc. etc. ad nauseam), but difficult child was forever pushing at the boundaries. So finally, I just put a moratorium on it. For the last few years, I have had a strict "no touching Mummy" policy. It is very difficult, especially at a big family gathering when everyone is hugging and kissing hello or goodbye, and difficult child gets a little wave from across the room. I would love to be able to hug him or to let him hug me, but he can't just leave it at a hug. I've been subject to unwanted and forced touch by others, and I will not put up with it from anyone ever again, not even my son. So, unless and until he can get a handle on it, he's not allowed to touch me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 365700, member: 3907"] Bean, this is a very interesting question... I guess the most significant thing, and the most difficult, that I've learned in setting boundaries with my difficult child is that once I have set a boundary it is forever. No second chances, no breaks, no easing up because of good behaviour, no changes at all. It's easy to think, he is doing so well, I can lighten up now. Or, she's been so helpful and polite. Maybe just this once I can let her <whatever it is>. But that defeats the whole purpose of the boundaries. If I lighten up on one thing, then my difficult child assumes that the rule no longer applies. He also figures that if the one rule is off, he'd better test all of the others to see if any of them have come off as well. difficult child seems to do best when all choices are removed, and he can only behave properly because there's no alternative. As far as specific boundaries, I guess the most difficult one has been No Touching. difficult child has had many issues over the years with unwanted and inappropriate touch, most of it directed at me. I tried all sorts of methods to limit it (a 2-second hug counted out loud, arm around shoulders only, etc. etc. ad nauseam), but difficult child was forever pushing at the boundaries. So finally, I just put a moratorium on it. For the last few years, I have had a strict "no touching Mummy" policy. It is very difficult, especially at a big family gathering when everyone is hugging and kissing hello or goodbye, and difficult child gets a little wave from across the room. I would love to be able to hug him or to let him hug me, but he can't just leave it at a hug. I've been subject to unwanted and forced touch by others, and I will not put up with it from anyone ever again, not even my son. So, unless and until he can get a handle on it, he's not allowed to touch me. [/QUOTE]
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What was your most difficult boundary to set AND enforce?
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