What will you do for YOURSELF in 2017 if anything

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Dec 27, 2016.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I guess the losing weight resolution is something, but I'm thinking more of what is anyone going to promise he or she will do to enhance, heal or better his or her life, perhaps to the very core...even though our children may have problems. Or aren't we.

    I have delved deeply into spirituality and why we are here, which is different from organized religion. It has put any problems I have into a positive perspective. I have also largely willed my thoughts, deeds and, yes, interactions mostly toward positive thinking and with upbeat people. I am trying to use my intuition more than my busy, cluttered mind in making decisions so that I no longer stagnate over decisions as there is a ping pong ball in my head.There is too much stress on that and I have not seen any payoff. My intuition is my higher self and it hasnt let me down.
    So if I feel it in my gut, it is done. No more crazy bouncing back and forth in my head. I decluttered my mind.

    Also for myself I forgave anyone who I had been upset with and let go of the past and future. I made amends and have never been on better terms with my peeps.
    I really like this:
    M
    Yesterday is history,
    Tomorrow a mystery,
    The present a gift.

    For myself I try hard to no longer judge. I don't always succeed, but life is so good when I am not playing God to what others choose to do


    I do not expect everyone to take such big leaps. In my case this was coming a long time and my accident seemed too awaken a great spirituality that had been bubbling under the surface. Maybe that was the purpose of my accident for me.

    But there are baby steps to starting to be good to ourselves too. Is anybody committed to trying to be better to himself/herself, even in simple ways.

    I do not feel we can feel better about our disappointments unless we learn to love ourselves in spite of them. I do not know if anyone will respond but we always talk about our sadness. Perhaps a few want to share our gains and positives. If not, thanks for reading.

    And, yes, everyone can learn to be more peaceful and happy in our lives. I was hardcore negative for so long...but I kept searching for another way.
     
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    Last edited: Dec 27, 2016
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I like the less negativity mindset. I too tend to have a negative take on things. It has robbed me of many happy moments.

    My goal is to live MY life free from others expectations. I am a people pleaser, but it has cost me myself.
     
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Like our kids who choose to be miserable and make bad choices, being good to ourselves and being positive is a choice. Treating ourselves badly is a choice. Letting them control our minds is a choice.

    It took me a while to figure out my worst enemy was myself.
     
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  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Jabber and I have a couple of joint things, #1, get our finances in order. #2, start having "date nights" at least two times a month, if not every week. We spend entirely too much time on our separate computers, watching TV and calling that "together". We're in a rut. If we limit eating out to date night, it should actually help us with #1. lol

    As for myself personally...I don't know. There's always lose weight, eat right, blah, blah, blah. Important and needed...but not exactly one I can call new.
     
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  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I can't quote on my phone. SWOT me too. I am 1000 times harder on myself than I need to be.

    Lil, Your goals are reasonable.
     
  6. PiscesMom

    PiscesMom Active Member

    i am going to try affirmations. i am sad and tired, hoping this will change my outlook.
     
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  7. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Hello, Everyone

    :)

    I am looking into codependency in my thinking. Looking into the way I fill in the blanks in ways that leave me feeling responsible or find me berating myself in a kind of invisible (to me) way having to do with the neverending trap of perfectionism. The most far ranging and effective resolution I ever made was to be kinder to myself. Not even kind, but only kinder. That effort, that one small permission to myself brought much change into my life. Over time, I've learned self compassion. This was an incredible gift for me.

    Wishing everyone such a nice 2017.

    Cedar
     
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  8. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I love this time of year.
    Right now I'm a bit too pooped to truly delve into this but I know I'll have the energy in a day or two.
    I have to lose weight because prednisone and holiday food is a disastrous combination.
    I will make my usual New Years goal list but I'm going to make myself a reminder to review them in July.
    I think I'll have 3-6 items on there.
    Also, very similar to what has already been said...I wish to be kinder and more accepting of others and that includes myself!!!!
     
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  9. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I just want to be me again...the old me...the me who laughed and did silly things. Who had projects to work on, books to read, friends to visit. Not the me I am now...the me who is paralyzed by fear and worry, whose joy has disappeared, who second guesses everything I hear. Who lays awake at night, thinking if worst case scenarios and how I might survive it.

    I did not know when we adopted our granddaughters,now much they would hurt and deceive me. Or how I would grow to resent them, and the lies they tell me, esp the lies they tell others about me.

    When things seem to be going good, I don't know if it is...or just I am seeing how I want things to be, or that they are manipulating me to get what they want. Then the next time, it's back to being the me they take advantage of, or blame for what consequences life hands out.

    Just want to be me again, without the hard things that changed who I am, and how I think and respond differently now.

    KSM
     
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  10. Mamacat

    Mamacat Active Member

    In 2017, I want to have fun. I want to do things I enjoy. Spend time each morning saying the Serenity Prayer and reflecting on the meaning of key words like serenity, accept, courage, wisdom. Pray each day for God's will to be done and help me to know what it is. Focus on the many blessings in my life. Take care of my health, eat well, sleep, relax. Love on my animals.
     
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  11. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    No idea. I know some self-care is in order. I'm working full-time as a special educator and having a hard year. My daughter has stopped parenting her children, so they are living with us. I'm thinking al-anon for sure, reading "Co-Dependant No More" but it's exhausting raising two grandchildren, one with significant emotional impairments and challenges, school stuff for him, and trying to give them some kind of a decent childhood. I'm tired, my husband is 10 years older and he's the main guy for school drop off and pick ups, etc. He fields the phone calls from the school and has to take care of grandson when he's suspended, etc. So yeah, I've got to figure out how to get over the resentment building in me at my daughter, who needs help with her demons, too. My husband won't even really speak to her at this point, nor she to him. He is out of patience and I'm stuck in the middle.

    I need to find some joy.
     
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I know I want to make some changes - as I sit here, with the flu, alternating between sweating and freezing, and wondering if I really AM going to throw up this time after the mad rush to the bathroom, dodging cats all the way.

    2016 has not been stellar, and this past month has been seriously awful on several levels. I am feeling overwhelmed, and can't even decide what to do first to begin the process.

    Twenty minutes to midnight. I want to watch the ball drop, but I had to mute Mariah Carey. At midnight, I will open the door to let the New Year in, and pray that 2017 is kinder to me and mine than 2016 was.
     
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  13. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is not parenting her own children. Is the dad still involved? Maybe he could take over more of their full-time care? Sometimes people will step up to the plate when it is necessary.
     
  14. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    What was the name of that website? You posted it before, but I forgot to bookmark it!
     
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have read so many articles and how to do many websites on spirituality and the spirit world that I don't remember...lol. I'm sorry. The best I can do is to tell you to put "higher self versus ego" into your search engine, start to read and see if it resonates with you like it did me.

    I always think positivity is a plus. It does no good to feel sorry for ourselves and I find that when I am happy and upbeat so are the people around me. Being positive (in my higher self) has changed my life.
     
  16. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    HI Apple Cori,
    Nope, his father just packed up and moved all of his step-brothers and sister (4 of them) and moved to Chicago last month. No help there. He says he'll take them for a few weeks over the summer. But I doubt that will happen. The step-mother won't even watch my grandson or be alone with him. She's quite the drama queen, and so is the father, and so is my grandson, for that matter. My grandson is extremely hard to deal with (just exactly like his father--looks like him, even). It's uncanny. Nope. My husband and I are it, I'm afraid. I was tossed into foster care when I was 10, along with my 3 year old brother. Hell will freeze over before I let that happen to my grandchildren. My grandparents had a thousand excuses for not taking us. We won't do that. So, trying to figure out how to become parents again at our age. We're kind of tired--we raised 5 kids between us. Especially the school stuff.
     
  17. JaneBetty

    JaneBetty Active Member

    My New Years' always has to do with the usual losing weight and exercising, kind of boring resolutions, like SWOT said!
    Now that hubby and I are together 24/7 due to retirement, I want to strengthen our marriage, something that got pushed away over the last five years due to family issues.
    I'm going to need to confront my multiple anxieties, mostly having to do with seeing middle daughter again. I can't go my whole life feeling afraid of her.
    If I expect her to change, I must change too.
    Happy New Year to everyone in this wonderful virtual community. For someone like me, not into group therapy and public airing of problems, it has been a godsend to be able to post and to read and to offer what little advice I have.
     
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  18. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Yep...I think that is a priority for me. Jabber and I used to be more romantic and touchy-feely. Granted, some of that naturally fades over nearly 17 years of marriage, but I want it back. I know he has put up with a lot the last several years. I am not as strong as him where our son is concerned.

    I have another resolution: I'm going to stop talking about my son to my friends unless they specifically ask. :( I was going on about the situation yesterday with a coworker/friend and it suddenly became very clear she couldn't possibly care less. It hurt me. But then, I tend to forget that some people you consider friends don't really feel the way you think they do. Nevertheless...maybe I'm just boring people with my crappy life, so I'm going to stop.

    I kind of flubbed off the usual "lose weight/get in shape" resolution, but...Fact is...I'm going to die. Not right away - I'm only 53 and not "sick", but between blood pressure and pre-diabetes and various other things...the stress alone is going to kill me if I don't do something to take better care of myself. My mother was only 60 when she died. I'm starting to scare myself. I have to do this. I suck at it.
     
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  19. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Oh, sorry about the bio-dad, who has shirked his responsibilities! That is so crappy of him to do that. Another difficult child not taking care of his own business, and leaving it up to others.

    Five of my step-siblings spent their early years in foster care, so I understand your feelings about that. It's a last resort thing, for when there are no other options. I guess it was better than their situation with their mom, though, and apparently, no relative would take them (possibly relatives weren't contacted?)

    I had a friend who did the foster/adopt for a six year old, and she was surprised to learn that the grandparents wouldn't take the child in. She and her hubby were in their early to mid-forties at the time, and the grandparents were only a couple of years older than that. Of course, they might have had health problems or something else we don't know about.

    Take care of yourself and your hubby. This is a trying time for all of you.

    Is there any hope that your daughter will be able to get her kids back in the future?
     
  20. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Im making my health a top priority this year as well.

    I started last year, and have made some progress.

    The best thing I did was to just eat lots of veggies.

    I cut out bread, pasta, potatoes, and anything with just empty calories (junk food).

    My hubby is now on board, too, and he has lost some weight.

    Just start by making a few changes, and add more when you are ready.