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Substance Abuse
What would you do?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 738079" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>It certainly sounds like he has relapsed and is using again. I dont think you should contact him and tell him you are done....whats the point that wont make a difference int he middle of a relapse...and is it really true. If he gets to the point where he really wants help and is ready for it, you probably will be there for him again. Our stand is we will help you when you are helping yourself and we wont when you are not. The other thing I have realized is addiction is a complicated disorder..... and relapse is part of it. His relapsing is not about you, and although you might feel angry and fed up, it is part of the disorder. I also wouldnt talk about the end of this lease... see where he is when that happens. Really threatening him with lack of support isnt going to get you anywhere. Now in terms of what you should do. I do think you should not give him any cash. Bus pass for transportation. Or set up an uber account. Most things he needs these days can be done without cash. I think I probably would check in with the IOP..... it kind of drives me nuts that many substance abuse programs wont work with you if you relapse but thats another conversation. As far as his phone and checking it. Different people have different views on this. Many cut off the phones and that makes sesnse. For me my son having a phone helps give me peace of mind. My son has been homeless (when he was using or left a program and we would not provide him with housing) and that was absolutely the hardest on me. Him having a phone helped me not only because eh could contact me but because like you I could check the phone records and knew he was still alive. There were nights where that is the only way I got to sleep at night. There was one point where something happened to his phone and he didnt have one and was on the streets and that was terribly hard. So even in the worst of times we have provided my son with a phone but that is just me. Hang in there, going through this with our kids is very very hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 738079, member: 15801"] It certainly sounds like he has relapsed and is using again. I dont think you should contact him and tell him you are done....whats the point that wont make a difference int he middle of a relapse...and is it really true. If he gets to the point where he really wants help and is ready for it, you probably will be there for him again. Our stand is we will help you when you are helping yourself and we wont when you are not. The other thing I have realized is addiction is a complicated disorder..... and relapse is part of it. His relapsing is not about you, and although you might feel angry and fed up, it is part of the disorder. I also wouldnt talk about the end of this lease... see where he is when that happens. Really threatening him with lack of support isnt going to get you anywhere. Now in terms of what you should do. I do think you should not give him any cash. Bus pass for transportation. Or set up an uber account. Most things he needs these days can be done without cash. I think I probably would check in with the IOP..... it kind of drives me nuts that many substance abuse programs wont work with you if you relapse but thats another conversation. As far as his phone and checking it. Different people have different views on this. Many cut off the phones and that makes sesnse. For me my son having a phone helps give me peace of mind. My son has been homeless (when he was using or left a program and we would not provide him with housing) and that was absolutely the hardest on me. Him having a phone helped me not only because eh could contact me but because like you I could check the phone records and knew he was still alive. There were nights where that is the only way I got to sleep at night. There was one point where something happened to his phone and he didnt have one and was on the streets and that was terribly hard. So even in the worst of times we have provided my son with a phone but that is just me. Hang in there, going through this with our kids is very very hard. [/QUOTE]
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