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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 622310" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Short answer: The only response to this email:</p><p></p><p>Okay, honey. I love you. </p><p></p><p>Mom</p><p> </p><p>**********************</p><p></p><p>Let difficult child figure out what you mean.</p><p></p><p>It is no wonder you are confused, BITS. After reading that he was willing to meet, I thought things might be turning around. After reading the rest of the email, all I could see is a 19 year old who has learned to blackmail his own mother with access to his wonderful self <u>or assault her if she stands her ground.</u></p><p></p><p>BITS...you are his mother. Only you can teach him your worth.</p><p></p><p>Could you change the nature of these interactions with your son through a change in tactic? You know what they say, BITS ~ don't complain, and don't explain. Keep it light, keep it loving. No requests for him to see you. None of that, BITS. It is a hard truth that someone blackmailing you for money because he has to work too much to set aside time for you so why don't you apologize and start paying his tuition isn't someone you should be seeing.</p><p></p><p>Either you agree with his assessment of the situation, or you don't. What you cannot do is change his assessment.</p><p></p><p>But...you can change your response. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, if you had wanted to apologize and pay for everything after the assault, it makes sense that you would have done this right after your son assaulted you, and avoided his moving out entirely. You might want to ask him how much of an apology, and how much money, for what degree of priority upgrade. </p><p></p><p>*****************</p><p></p><p>He says he has apologized and demands that you also apologize. When I have apologized to my son, what it meant to him was not that I regretted something I had done, but that he was justified. There is a huge difference between a child who believes the parent has acted wrongly and regrets it and a child who believes he now holds all the cards.</p><p></p><p>And this little guy seems to think he holds all the cards.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>OUCH</p><p></p><p>What a brat, BITS. I'm sorry, but this little guy has a really inflated opinion of himself and his situation.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 622310, member: 17461"] Short answer: The only response to this email: Okay, honey. I love you. Mom ********************** Let difficult child figure out what you mean. It is no wonder you are confused, BITS. After reading that he was willing to meet, I thought things might be turning around. After reading the rest of the email, all I could see is a 19 year old who has learned to blackmail his own mother with access to his wonderful self [U]or assault her if she stands her ground.[/U] BITS...you are his mother. Only you can teach him your worth. Could you change the nature of these interactions with your son through a change in tactic? You know what they say, BITS ~ don't complain, and don't explain. Keep it light, keep it loving. No requests for him to see you. None of that, BITS. It is a hard truth that someone blackmailing you for money because he has to work too much to set aside time for you so why don't you apologize and start paying his tuition isn't someone you should be seeing. Either you agree with his assessment of the situation, or you don't. What you cannot do is change his assessment. But...you can change your response. Well, if you had wanted to apologize and pay for everything after the assault, it makes sense that you would have done this right after your son assaulted you, and avoided his moving out entirely. You might want to ask him how much of an apology, and how much money, for what degree of priority upgrade. ***************** He says he has apologized and demands that you also apologize. When I have apologized to my son, what it meant to him was not that I regretted something I had done, but that he was justified. There is a huge difference between a child who believes the parent has acted wrongly and regrets it and a child who believes he now holds all the cards. And this little guy seems to think he holds all the cards. OUCH What a brat, BITS. I'm sorry, but this little guy has a really inflated opinion of himself and his situation. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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