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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 621450" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>He has to be on his own to figure out his life.</p><p></p><p>To develop the capacity to figure out his life, he has to be on his own.</p><p></p><p>To develop the ability to take the reins of his own life, to be the master of his own fate, <u>he has to be on his own.</u></p><p></p><p>Your son needs to know how you feel about where he has taken the life of your child. </p><p></p><p>You are teaching him that.</p><p></p><p>He needs to know he still has a mother, that she loves and believes in him, and that she expects him to do well if he wants a life with her in it.</p><p></p><p>You are teaching him that. It will take as long as it takes.</p><p></p><p>You are doing so well, Child.</p><p></p><p>You are doing just right.</p><p></p><p>It is so hard for us because we have never trusted our kids to do the right thing. We have opened that path for them, and blocked all the others.</p><p></p><p>That didn't work.</p><p></p><p>It almost seems that my kids have sought out the very things I warned them against.</p><p></p><p>The very things.</p><p></p><p>Your son needs to come into his manhood. Recovering posted something so poignant to me today, Child. Something to the effect that the pain and the questions that are there for our children to address are theirs alone, are theirs to figure out, to win or to lose themselves in <u>for the sake of their selves.</u></p><p></p><p>I had never thought of it in that way, before. I was always trying to open the proper paths and close off the bad ones and the kids would never be the wiser. They would think they did it on their own because of how wise and wonderful they are. But what I was really doing instead was teaching them they were inept, unable, not strong.</p><p></p><p>We need to let them go, Child.</p><p></p><p>Recovering (What would any of us have done, without Recovering! </p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Recovering posted to me during the worst of it with difficult child daughter that I should envision my child in God's hands. n the worst days? I popped myself in there, too.</p><p></p><p>That was what got me through. That, and the Serenity Prayer. I know you know it. I will post it again. Sometimes, we know a thing so well it stops helping us unless we see it in a different context. When you read it, Child? Please remember this prayer pulled me through terrible darkness, provided a lifeline, a glowing lifeline to sanity, to the strength to stand up, to get up, to go on to the next day. </p><p></p><p>Finally, there were a string of days I had survived. I survived them one at a time, minute by minute.</p><p></p><p>I began to feel better.</p><p></p><p>I no longer needed the Serenity Prayer every day, a thousand times a day.</p><p></p><p>I still need it sometimes, when I come awake in the night.</p><p></p><p>Somehow, the rhythms of that prayer help me hold my own.</p><p></p><p>And that is enough, for right now.</p><p></p><p>God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,</p><p>The Courage to change the things I can,</p><p>And the Wisdom to know the difference.</p><p></p><p>You are doing so well, Child. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry for the pain...but it would only be hopeless if you were doing the same things, again. </p><p></p><p>You picked the hardest path for you Child, but the best of all possible paths to manhood for your son.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 621450, member: 17461"] He has to be on his own to figure out his life. To develop the capacity to figure out his life, he has to be on his own. To develop the ability to take the reins of his own life, to be the master of his own fate, [U]he has to be on his own.[/U] Your son needs to know how you feel about where he has taken the life of your child. You are teaching him that. He needs to know he still has a mother, that she loves and believes in him, and that she expects him to do well if he wants a life with her in it. You are teaching him that. It will take as long as it takes. You are doing so well, Child. You are doing just right. It is so hard for us because we have never trusted our kids to do the right thing. We have opened that path for them, and blocked all the others. That didn't work. It almost seems that my kids have sought out the very things I warned them against. The very things. Your son needs to come into his manhood. Recovering posted something so poignant to me today, Child. Something to the effect that the pain and the questions that are there for our children to address are theirs alone, are theirs to figure out, to win or to lose themselves in [U]for the sake of their selves.[/U] I had never thought of it in that way, before. I was always trying to open the proper paths and close off the bad ones and the kids would never be the wiser. They would think they did it on their own because of how wise and wonderful they are. But what I was really doing instead was teaching them they were inept, unable, not strong. We need to let them go, Child. Recovering (What would any of us have done, without Recovering! :O) Recovering posted to me during the worst of it with difficult child daughter that I should envision my child in God's hands. n the worst days? I popped myself in there, too. That was what got me through. That, and the Serenity Prayer. I know you know it. I will post it again. Sometimes, we know a thing so well it stops helping us unless we see it in a different context. When you read it, Child? Please remember this prayer pulled me through terrible darkness, provided a lifeline, a glowing lifeline to sanity, to the strength to stand up, to get up, to go on to the next day. Finally, there were a string of days I had survived. I survived them one at a time, minute by minute. I began to feel better. I no longer needed the Serenity Prayer every day, a thousand times a day. I still need it sometimes, when I come awake in the night. Somehow, the rhythms of that prayer help me hold my own. And that is enough, for right now. God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The Courage to change the things I can, And the Wisdom to know the difference. You are doing so well, Child. I'm sorry for the pain...but it would only be hopeless if you were doing the same things, again. You picked the hardest path for you Child, but the best of all possible paths to manhood for your son. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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