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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 622004" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Your words are right, Echo. I am doing okay, even though it's been longer this time than it was last time. I do check FB periodically during the day to see if he is online. I did call the jail Saturday to see if he was there. SO and I talked about his appointment with his PO Wednesday. I thought maybe he tested positive then and was arrested. Or, he made it through that and then went out and used and has been using since that time. But I have to stop those thoughts because what is the point? </p><p></p><p>Just seeing evidence that he is alive would be enough right now. It's amazing how the box gets smaller and smaller and smaller. </p><p></p><p>And I can see that living with not knowing is my next step, perhaps. I need to move toward okay with not knowing anything. </p><p></p><p>This calls to mind something my mother said when I was separated from my husband (now ex) and we were going through the preparations for divorce, which lasted about 18 months. She said this: Well, (my name), you know he depended on you so much, that is why he is so angry right now that you want a divorce. </p><p></p><p>I remember not realizing that and how surprised I was. I always knew I was the strong one in the relationship but I had not connected the dots about the depth of his anger (really punitive things he said and did for a long long time) and his dependence on me. </p><p></p><p>When we pull out the supports from another person, there will be a powerful backlash. People on this site talk about it a lot. Silence can be a backlash too. Or not. Maybe he is just doing what he does, whatever that is. </p><p></p><p>I want my silence toward my difficult child to be filled with love, compassion, patience and support. That is what I want to fill myself with not anger, sadness, judgment and fear. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes! I talked with easy child yesterday and we talked about the way I think of him when I don't hear from him for a few days (not worried at all!) and the way I think about difficult child. Of course, they live very different lives. easy child and his fiancee live together. He teaches high school math and she is finishing pharmacy school in May. They are busy people! They live about five hours away from here. </p><p></p><p>Contrast with difficult child is right here, but lives on the street, a much more dangerous life. The good part is that we live in a mid-size city, where there are fewer services for the homeless, but crime is not a huge problem, even though we have our gangs, etc. </p><p></p><p>We talked about the fact that we can't keep anybody safe, regardless of their lifestyle. It's just a fact. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>What a great story. What a courageous woman to tell you that story. Lots of people would not get it and think how in the world can she walk by the room, lie down, take a nap and THEN get the truth? Your mother was taking care of herself. If the baby was already gone, what was she going to do at that point? I love it. </p><p></p><p>Thanks again for all of the great words, stories and support on this thread. I like having a chronicle of my journey since February 14. Onward!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 622004, member: 17542"] Your words are right, Echo. I am doing okay, even though it's been longer this time than it was last time. I do check FB periodically during the day to see if he is online. I did call the jail Saturday to see if he was there. SO and I talked about his appointment with his PO Wednesday. I thought maybe he tested positive then and was arrested. Or, he made it through that and then went out and used and has been using since that time. But I have to stop those thoughts because what is the point? Just seeing evidence that he is alive would be enough right now. It's amazing how the box gets smaller and smaller and smaller. And I can see that living with not knowing is my next step, perhaps. I need to move toward okay with not knowing anything. This calls to mind something my mother said when I was separated from my husband (now ex) and we were going through the preparations for divorce, which lasted about 18 months. She said this: Well, (my name), you know he depended on you so much, that is why he is so angry right now that you want a divorce. I remember not realizing that and how surprised I was. I always knew I was the strong one in the relationship but I had not connected the dots about the depth of his anger (really punitive things he said and did for a long long time) and his dependence on me. When we pull out the supports from another person, there will be a powerful backlash. People on this site talk about it a lot. Silence can be a backlash too. Or not. Maybe he is just doing what he does, whatever that is. I want my silence toward my difficult child to be filled with love, compassion, patience and support. That is what I want to fill myself with not anger, sadness, judgment and fear. Yes! I talked with easy child yesterday and we talked about the way I think of him when I don't hear from him for a few days (not worried at all!) and the way I think about difficult child. Of course, they live very different lives. easy child and his fiancee live together. He teaches high school math and she is finishing pharmacy school in May. They are busy people! They live about five hours away from here. Contrast with difficult child is right here, but lives on the street, a much more dangerous life. The good part is that we live in a mid-size city, where there are fewer services for the homeless, but crime is not a huge problem, even though we have our gangs, etc. We talked about the fact that we can't keep anybody safe, regardless of their lifestyle. It's just a fact. What a great story. What a courageous woman to tell you that story. Lots of people would not get it and think how in the world can she walk by the room, lie down, take a nap and THEN get the truth? Your mother was taking care of herself. If the baby was already gone, what was she going to do at that point? I love it. Thanks again for all of the great words, stories and support on this thread. I like having a chronicle of my journey since February 14. Onward! [/QUOTE]
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