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When a family cares too much....
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 298469" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Linda, </p><p> </p><p>Well the Lion in me wanted to jump in and defend my friend and the Crow in me said to sit back and take a long time to comment on this because there are so many dynamics to this post. For what it's worth I think you've figured out a lot on your own, but would have to ask this as painful as it is and since I do consider myself your friend I am going to ask - no reply necessary as again, I'm a friend. This is more or less one of those - here's this situation what do you think Linda question. Mkay - </p><p> </p><p>First, I do not think you are brain damaged to the point of needing a POW. I do not think you need someone to check your bank finances and I think the sister in law that got your passwords and went right for the money was being a snoop. Susie* asked if this was the same brother in law/sister in law that asked for the van/the computer and money from the home repairs. I think it must be. If it is - you have problems. If they get POA - they're selling your home and the tweedles are left with nothing. My first thought. </p><p> </p><p>Second thing then that comes to mind- IF you WERE so badly damaged that you couldn't take care of yourself physically or got in an accident or did (God forbid) have an episode of something that took your life - who is in charge? Who has keys to your home? Who has keys to your safe deposit box? Who is a signatore on your box? Who is your next of kin? Who will handle your finances/will/guardianship of the tweedles? Have you made a video for them? Do you update it regularly with YOUR wishes and thoughts, moments in time and wishes for their future? Things you would want them to know in the unlikely event of your passing? Does your attorney have a copy? Would someone know where to find this in your home? Do you have a living will? Do you have a Do not recuissitate wish? Are you an organ donor? Do you carry a card in your wallet at all times listing ALL your medication names and dosages? (Mine says see list in purse) lol. </p><p> </p><p>Do you have things inventoried IN your home with your home-owners insurance agent and does your lawyer have a copy of THAT in the event of your passing WITH a list of who is to get what to avoid arguments? If you were NOT to pass away - but become debilitated and not in control of your functions - would those things be listed to sell to offset your health care? Do you or have you considered paying NOW for long-term health care so someone doesn't shove you in a corner in a nursing home but so that you get better quality care if it comes to that? </p><p> </p><p>You can't imagine why I know this stuff.....and how much I hate even telling someone your age about it - it's morbid. I know you haven't even gone through the grief of your loving husband or had proper mourning for him because you've had to keep going...and that's not fair. But neither would you sitting somewhere in and out of reality wondering what is happening to the house, the money - the car, the china, the jewelry. There needs to be these things to keep people honest - and to keep people from feuding. </p><p> </p><p>If it's all supposed to go to your children - then you had better speak up NOW while you are healthy enough to do so and give a lions roar. I think a lot of times (as an adopted person) that family (blood relatives) think because you are adopted it exempts you from "getting" an inheritance or that you are less than because you aren't "real" family. Add a mental disorder to the mix and all of a sudden your kid is the "nutty" one that isn't a real family member and wouldn't know the difference. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know your family - but most of them, or what you've told us about them has been so loving and helpful....except for the van/computer people I don't think any of the others were anything but caring. So for the most part I just think they are trying to help - but maybe in trying to help they just tried to like you said care too much, but this could be a wake up call for you. ???? </p><p> </p><p>Hope I didn't step on any toes - just trying to think of all the things that we had to go through and offer reminders of things that can happen....it's just so morbid - but necessary. I hated our "estate" (yeah right) planner for months. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 298469, member: 4964"] Linda, Well the Lion in me wanted to jump in and defend my friend and the Crow in me said to sit back and take a long time to comment on this because there are so many dynamics to this post. For what it's worth I think you've figured out a lot on your own, but would have to ask this as painful as it is and since I do consider myself your friend I am going to ask - no reply necessary as again, I'm a friend. This is more or less one of those - here's this situation what do you think Linda question. Mkay - First, I do not think you are brain damaged to the point of needing a POW. I do not think you need someone to check your bank finances and I think the sister in law that got your passwords and went right for the money was being a snoop. Susie* asked if this was the same brother in law/sister in law that asked for the van/the computer and money from the home repairs. I think it must be. If it is - you have problems. If they get POA - they're selling your home and the tweedles are left with nothing. My first thought. Second thing then that comes to mind- IF you WERE so badly damaged that you couldn't take care of yourself physically or got in an accident or did (God forbid) have an episode of something that took your life - who is in charge? Who has keys to your home? Who has keys to your safe deposit box? Who is a signatore on your box? Who is your next of kin? Who will handle your finances/will/guardianship of the tweedles? Have you made a video for them? Do you update it regularly with YOUR wishes and thoughts, moments in time and wishes for their future? Things you would want them to know in the unlikely event of your passing? Does your attorney have a copy? Would someone know where to find this in your home? Do you have a living will? Do you have a Do not recuissitate wish? Are you an organ donor? Do you carry a card in your wallet at all times listing ALL your medication names and dosages? (Mine says see list in purse) lol. Do you have things inventoried IN your home with your home-owners insurance agent and does your lawyer have a copy of THAT in the event of your passing WITH a list of who is to get what to avoid arguments? If you were NOT to pass away - but become debilitated and not in control of your functions - would those things be listed to sell to offset your health care? Do you or have you considered paying NOW for long-term health care so someone doesn't shove you in a corner in a nursing home but so that you get better quality care if it comes to that? You can't imagine why I know this stuff.....and how much I hate even telling someone your age about it - it's morbid. I know you haven't even gone through the grief of your loving husband or had proper mourning for him because you've had to keep going...and that's not fair. But neither would you sitting somewhere in and out of reality wondering what is happening to the house, the money - the car, the china, the jewelry. There needs to be these things to keep people honest - and to keep people from feuding. If it's all supposed to go to your children - then you had better speak up NOW while you are healthy enough to do so and give a lions roar. I think a lot of times (as an adopted person) that family (blood relatives) think because you are adopted it exempts you from "getting" an inheritance or that you are less than because you aren't "real" family. Add a mental disorder to the mix and all of a sudden your kid is the "nutty" one that isn't a real family member and wouldn't know the difference. I don't know your family - but most of them, or what you've told us about them has been so loving and helpful....except for the van/computer people I don't think any of the others were anything but caring. So for the most part I just think they are trying to help - but maybe in trying to help they just tried to like you said care too much, but this could be a wake up call for you. ???? Hope I didn't step on any toes - just trying to think of all the things that we had to go through and offer reminders of things that can happen....it's just so morbid - but necessary. I hated our "estate" (yeah right) planner for months. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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