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When a friend doesnt want to hear a vent about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 78660" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Jen, </p><p></p><p>I have had many people come and go in my life. I'm a good, loyal, will do anything anytime for you, stand up kind of friend. Once we're friends we are just that. Getting to know me anymore is a different story, and I've developed an allergy to people. </p><p></p><p>I have long thanked my son for "weeding-out" the true friends in my life. I have one left, and even she gets consumed with her own life and forgets me. So I have my Mom and DF. Neither ever forget me. HOWEVER: I have learned NOT to use them as a sounding board or a <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />in' buddy. Both (like anyone) have their own problems and would soon tire hearing of mine. So I hired a psychologist. </p><p></p><p>The advantage to having a therapist is that I can blow it out (on a sliding scale fee I can afford) and he listens and offers solutions so I don't continue to make mistakes over and over, have discovered that I AM worth having as a friend, I don't suffer tremendous guilt over difficult child and overall I'm a blessed, nice, intelligent, kind, caring person who now doesn't have so much to crab about. When I do? I come here. </p><p></p><p>I had/have one friend that occasionally will dangle the proverbial carrot of friendship out in front of my nose, but Iv'e learned she usually wants something from me. Something = money to buy whatever the rest of her "IN" group is selling/buying. That's not friendship it's extortion. lol. One time she had all of us get together at church for a game night and invited this "poor" girl who was selling bracelets she made. THey were expensive by my standards, but the story of how she was so poor, having to work with a child in day care, husband about on the brink of mental breakdown. I got one of those bracelets and I wear it often to remind me not to be a sucker. The poor girl drove a Denali, her husband a Benz. Their 9,000 sf. home, his and her harleys, a speed boat and his 90k a year job had left them without the necessities of life - a budget. So she "Bought" craft stuff to make bracelets with for her "extras" and here I thought buying this overpriced elastic rock candy thing was helping her buy cereal for her kids. ARGH. </p><p></p><p></p><p>It's like pain. If I have a papercut it's my paper cut, and it hurts constantly I'm reminded of the twinge of pain. Then a call comes in and someone tells me so and so has cancer. WOW! Then back to my paper cut because I can't feel the pain of the person with cancer, but I can feel the paper cut on my index finger all day long - Our difficult child's are like that to others. Eventually if you keep talking about your paper cut to the person with cancer she's not going to bother calling. Even though you were sympathetic, everyone considers THEIR problems bigger. </p><p></p><p>difficult child situations are no exception. Somehow I think the majority of us here find ways to deal with the stress or moreso supress it. We don't understand why our "friends" wont sit and listen and give us a hug to be able to go back home and deal with our lives. Walk a mile in my shoes....this is how I understand and am able to offer support, it's why this board is so tremendously successful - we all "GET" each other. </p><p></p><p>You're okay....maybe you just aren't typing enough. LOL. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & SUPPORT </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 78660, member: 4964"] Jen, I have had many people come and go in my life. I'm a good, loyal, will do anything anytime for you, stand up kind of friend. Once we're friends we are just that. Getting to know me anymore is a different story, and I've developed an allergy to people. I have long thanked my son for "weeding-out" the true friends in my life. I have one left, and even she gets consumed with her own life and forgets me. So I have my Mom and DF. Neither ever forget me. HOWEVER: I have learned NOT to use them as a sounding board or a :censored2:in' buddy. Both (like anyone) have their own problems and would soon tire hearing of mine. So I hired a psychologist. The advantage to having a therapist is that I can blow it out (on a sliding scale fee I can afford) and he listens and offers solutions so I don't continue to make mistakes over and over, have discovered that I AM worth having as a friend, I don't suffer tremendous guilt over difficult child and overall I'm a blessed, nice, intelligent, kind, caring person who now doesn't have so much to crab about. When I do? I come here. I had/have one friend that occasionally will dangle the proverbial carrot of friendship out in front of my nose, but Iv'e learned she usually wants something from me. Something = money to buy whatever the rest of her "IN" group is selling/buying. That's not friendship it's extortion. lol. One time she had all of us get together at church for a game night and invited this "poor" girl who was selling bracelets she made. THey were expensive by my standards, but the story of how she was so poor, having to work with a child in day care, husband about on the brink of mental breakdown. I got one of those bracelets and I wear it often to remind me not to be a sucker. The poor girl drove a Denali, her husband a Benz. Their 9,000 sf. home, his and her harleys, a speed boat and his 90k a year job had left them without the necessities of life - a budget. So she "Bought" craft stuff to make bracelets with for her "extras" and here I thought buying this overpriced elastic rock candy thing was helping her buy cereal for her kids. ARGH. It's like pain. If I have a papercut it's my paper cut, and it hurts constantly I'm reminded of the twinge of pain. Then a call comes in and someone tells me so and so has cancer. WOW! Then back to my paper cut because I can't feel the pain of the person with cancer, but I can feel the paper cut on my index finger all day long - Our difficult child's are like that to others. Eventually if you keep talking about your paper cut to the person with cancer she's not going to bother calling. Even though you were sympathetic, everyone considers THEIR problems bigger. difficult child situations are no exception. Somehow I think the majority of us here find ways to deal with the stress or moreso supress it. We don't understand why our "friends" wont sit and listen and give us a hug to be able to go back home and deal with our lives. Walk a mile in my shoes....this is how I understand and am able to offer support, it's why this board is so tremendously successful - we all "GET" each other. You're okay....maybe you just aren't typing enough. LOL. Hugs & SUPPORT Star [/QUOTE]
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