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When a friend doesnt want to hear a vent about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Jen" data-source="post: 78705" data-attributes="member: 297"><p>I wanted earlier to give you examples of the way my girlfrined that lives here in my same town responds sometimes. AS some of you are aware my sister in law lives here with us and my grandson. My easy child daughter has joined the service in part to run away, in what she thought was the acceptalbe way in the service rather than divorce. I know is always takes 2 but I can see now from personal experience of being with my sister in law how overwhelmed by all the responsibilities that he just doesnt deal with. Her outlet then was going out with her friends aftr work, and in the service she is the same way. Anyway my girlfriend that has a son inthe US Army like my daughter thinks that it is horrible that she left her son and husband behindlike she did , even though she moved them here for extra support. But I never once say to my girlfriend,"Well gosh your son is married and has been for 3 yrs, and they have only been under the same roof for 6 months". He is stationed out in Texas, and has his own apt. She lives in VA, in their new home, and before that house refused to move out there with him. She thinks it diff cause he is the guy. My thoughts is he left her behind 2. She tells me how horrible it is that my daughter is married with a child and probably partying every night, but then calmly tells me that her 33 yr old son is probably is doing the same ting, but that is diff. I never make derrogatory comments to her about him. My daughter and sister in law have had finacial issues all along and we have helped them, like my parents did with us. Now they are making good money but poor managing, on my daughters part esp. I cosigned for my daughter newer car 2001, she was resposnsilbe and pd on the old one I co signed with her about. My girlfriend response, " you need to stop doing that and enabling her, she shouldnt need a cosigner." My daughter is 21, adn she needed to have a cosigner because she was the cosigner for her husband car. My girlfriend response " See , you are making excuses for her". I dont say to her "You still have your 27 yr old other son living with you, and he climbs into bed with you when he feels bad. adn wants to revert back to how Mommy would take care of him when he was little".</p><p></p><p>I guess I am just not that nasty. She would call it being brutaly honest, adn that I need to wake up. Like I said, this last time was the first time I didnt call iether girlfriend for 2 weeks, they thought I had died. Then I am just so superficial. I dont want friends that want a shallow friend. Not my definition of a true friend.</p><p></p><p>I used to see a therapist, an then he moved on to a diff. type of job. It was getting to the point that they were an expensive sounding board. Their ideas were great, but not realistic for me. Really , I am serious, I would have to move away, and not leave a tel number to have the enrgy to carry through with what he asked of me. I understood, but I have kids that no matter how nasty I can be, they always come back for me. Me, I wouldnt be that stupid, or think bacly of myself to do whatever it took to keep in contact if it were my parents.</p><p></p><p>Jen</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jen, post: 78705, member: 297"] I wanted earlier to give you examples of the way my girlfrined that lives here in my same town responds sometimes. AS some of you are aware my sister in law lives here with us and my grandson. My easy child daughter has joined the service in part to run away, in what she thought was the acceptalbe way in the service rather than divorce. I know is always takes 2 but I can see now from personal experience of being with my sister in law how overwhelmed by all the responsibilities that he just doesnt deal with. Her outlet then was going out with her friends aftr work, and in the service she is the same way. Anyway my girlfriend that has a son inthe US Army like my daughter thinks that it is horrible that she left her son and husband behindlike she did , even though she moved them here for extra support. But I never once say to my girlfriend,"Well gosh your son is married and has been for 3 yrs, and they have only been under the same roof for 6 months". He is stationed out in Texas, and has his own apt. She lives in VA, in their new home, and before that house refused to move out there with him. She thinks it diff cause he is the guy. My thoughts is he left her behind 2. She tells me how horrible it is that my daughter is married with a child and probably partying every night, but then calmly tells me that her 33 yr old son is probably is doing the same ting, but that is diff. I never make derrogatory comments to her about him. My daughter and sister in law have had finacial issues all along and we have helped them, like my parents did with us. Now they are making good money but poor managing, on my daughters part esp. I cosigned for my daughter newer car 2001, she was resposnsilbe and pd on the old one I co signed with her about. My girlfriend response, " you need to stop doing that and enabling her, she shouldnt need a cosigner." My daughter is 21, adn she needed to have a cosigner because she was the cosigner for her husband car. My girlfriend response " See , you are making excuses for her". I dont say to her "You still have your 27 yr old other son living with you, and he climbs into bed with you when he feels bad. adn wants to revert back to how Mommy would take care of him when he was little". I guess I am just not that nasty. She would call it being brutaly honest, adn that I need to wake up. Like I said, this last time was the first time I didnt call iether girlfriend for 2 weeks, they thought I had died. Then I am just so superficial. I dont want friends that want a shallow friend. Not my definition of a true friend. I used to see a therapist, an then he moved on to a diff. type of job. It was getting to the point that they were an expensive sounding board. Their ideas were great, but not realistic for me. Really , I am serious, I would have to move away, and not leave a tel number to have the enrgy to carry through with what he asked of me. I understood, but I have kids that no matter how nasty I can be, they always come back for me. Me, I wouldnt be that stupid, or think bacly of myself to do whatever it took to keep in contact if it were my parents. Jen [/QUOTE]
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