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When a friend doesnt want to hear a vent about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 79105" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>I have two close friends that I share just about everything with. Sometimes I almost hope that they give me the brutally honest feedback I need to hear. Sometimes, they instinctively know that I just need to vent. Sometimes I will even say, "you don't even need to respond, just please lend me your ear" and most of the time they are very accomodating. I don't think there is a family out there who has a teen that hasn't dealt with a difficult moment at some point or another. Even easy child's can behave as difficult child's at times, so most parents I know will 'get it', they just won't admit it. To those people I am cordial and smile and nod and when they ask how my life is I usually just say very enthusiastically, "Great, how are things with you" and move on. </p><p></p><p>I guess, in a way, my difficult child has also weeded out the people I'd rather not be friends with. I like being able to share with my friends the joys as well as they horrors of motherhood, marital "bliss" and just every day life.</p><p></p><p>It sounds to me like you may need more from your friends than they can offer at this time. People in glass houses should not throw stones, however, they often do. </p><p></p><p>One of my closest friends has 3 difficult child's - each with her own issues. My friend has called me and vented her head off and sometimes I am truly speechless because I can clearly see the enabling going on with her mostly adult kids and yet she just feels so gypped and can clearly see that part of the problem is her. But, I sit here and I wonder, "who am I to say anything" and I think that my perspective comes from the fact that I too have felt gypped. It's almost as if I can see glaringly how I messed up some things and enabled my own difficult child by listening to her talk about her difficult children! So I try and keep quiet. Sometimes she will ask me for my thoughts, and then I can speak. And she affords me the same.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps joining a support group for parents with certain disorders or an al anon group would be a good place for you to find people who are trying and who are more empathetic to your situation. I think detaching away from friends who simply do not meet your needs is very normal and okay. Why hang out with people who make you feel crummy? And who criticize you? No one needs to leave a get together or hang up the phone and feel worse. It's okay to have separate friends for certain parts of your life. And it's okay to drop friends if you're simply not 'clicking' with them anymore. </p><p></p><p>Hugs - I hope you're able to find a place or person where you feel comfortable in your own skin.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 79105, member: 2211"] I have two close friends that I share just about everything with. Sometimes I almost hope that they give me the brutally honest feedback I need to hear. Sometimes, they instinctively know that I just need to vent. Sometimes I will even say, "you don't even need to respond, just please lend me your ear" and most of the time they are very accomodating. I don't think there is a family out there who has a teen that hasn't dealt with a difficult moment at some point or another. Even easy child's can behave as difficult child's at times, so most parents I know will 'get it', they just won't admit it. To those people I am cordial and smile and nod and when they ask how my life is I usually just say very enthusiastically, "Great, how are things with you" and move on. I guess, in a way, my difficult child has also weeded out the people I'd rather not be friends with. I like being able to share with my friends the joys as well as they horrors of motherhood, marital "bliss" and just every day life. It sounds to me like you may need more from your friends than they can offer at this time. People in glass houses should not throw stones, however, they often do. One of my closest friends has 3 difficult child's - each with her own issues. My friend has called me and vented her head off and sometimes I am truly speechless because I can clearly see the enabling going on with her mostly adult kids and yet she just feels so gypped and can clearly see that part of the problem is her. But, I sit here and I wonder, "who am I to say anything" and I think that my perspective comes from the fact that I too have felt gypped. It's almost as if I can see glaringly how I messed up some things and enabled my own difficult child by listening to her talk about her difficult children! So I try and keep quiet. Sometimes she will ask me for my thoughts, and then I can speak. And she affords me the same. Perhaps joining a support group for parents with certain disorders or an al anon group would be a good place for you to find people who are trying and who are more empathetic to your situation. I think detaching away from friends who simply do not meet your needs is very normal and okay. Why hang out with people who make you feel crummy? And who criticize you? No one needs to leave a get together or hang up the phone and feel worse. It's okay to have separate friends for certain parts of your life. And it's okay to drop friends if you're simply not 'clicking' with them anymore. Hugs - I hope you're able to find a place or person where you feel comfortable in your own skin. [/QUOTE]
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When a friend doesnt want to hear a vent about difficult child
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