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Parent Emeritus
when our grown kids disappoint us
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 511031" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I appreciate your posts, I think there are only a few of us dealing with the 30s difficult children. I was the one that questioned what I was to learn from having this nightmare of a life with my difficult child.</p><p></p><p>The online author says that she learned not to try to control everything in her life and that she was now at more peace and would not change anything that she went through with her difficult child. Clearly I am not at that point lol!!!</p><p></p><p>I applaud your strength on setting boundaires and sticking to them. I agree they need to find their own path in life and if I had not forced my difficult child out at 19 he would still be bouncing back home in between relationships. But he would actually prefer I pay for the place for him to live lol!!</p><p></p><p>I also grew up paying my own way and as the oldest of 6 and then a single mother for 20 years I know that I made it easy for my difficult child to feel entitled, I felt tremendous guilt. Now he tries (and has in the past) to use that to get me to help him out of his messes. Now <strong><em>I'm over it!</em></strong></p><p></p><p>When I tried to keep tabs on him in his teens he would tell me to get a life. <strong><em>I did lol!!! </em></strong>I also don't know what kind of connection we will have in the future but I am certainly not going to have the same as in the past. I'm so tired of his lies and I don't trust him after the recent conn so it is up to him.</p><p></p><p>I don't know where he is either, but that is also his choice!</p><p></p><p>GREAT JOB YOU SOUND SO STRONG!!! "I feel as if I did a good job with the boundaries. I feel bad that she is feeling bad, but that is her problem now. I don't know if she has a job, or a place to stay or how she is getting to her probation, I haven't asked any questions at all. I feel done with this chapter. I hope she and I can find some connection, but I don't know if we can. Yes, every day I let go."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 511031, member: 13558"] I appreciate your posts, I think there are only a few of us dealing with the 30s difficult children. I was the one that questioned what I was to learn from having this nightmare of a life with my difficult child. The online author says that she learned not to try to control everything in her life and that she was now at more peace and would not change anything that she went through with her difficult child. Clearly I am not at that point lol!!! I applaud your strength on setting boundaires and sticking to them. I agree they need to find their own path in life and if I had not forced my difficult child out at 19 he would still be bouncing back home in between relationships. But he would actually prefer I pay for the place for him to live lol!! I also grew up paying my own way and as the oldest of 6 and then a single mother for 20 years I know that I made it easy for my difficult child to feel entitled, I felt tremendous guilt. Now he tries (and has in the past) to use that to get me to help him out of his messes. Now [B][I]I'm over it![/I][/B] When I tried to keep tabs on him in his teens he would tell me to get a life. [B][I]I did lol!!! [/I][/B]I also don't know what kind of connection we will have in the future but I am certainly not going to have the same as in the past. I'm so tired of his lies and I don't trust him after the recent conn so it is up to him. I don't know where he is either, but that is also his choice! GREAT JOB YOU SOUND SO STRONG!!! "I feel as if I did a good job with the boundaries. I feel bad that she is feeling bad, but that is her problem now. I don't know if she has a job, or a place to stay or how she is getting to her probation, I haven't asked any questions at all. I feel done with this chapter. I hope she and I can find some connection, but I don't know if we can. Yes, every day I let go." [/QUOTE]
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