Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
When the long term future for your child is very bleak....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 123201" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>We can worry that our child will end up like the undiagnosed tragic relative who had no intervention - or we can get on with managing, day to day. Planning somewhat into the future in case our concerns come true, in terms of their inability to live independently - that is sensible. it takes courage to do this and it also takes facing our grief head-on.</p><p></p><p>But always remember - you have given this child every chance to develop to be the best they can be, even if that 'best' is not that much. They have been already given a great deal more, than that undiagnosed tragic relative.</p><p></p><p>My adopted nephew is a mess. My sister was told he was "retarded" when she got him, because the mother was "diminished responsibility" and he had been handed over by his grandmother. As he grew we could see physical problems, but he certainly seemed sharp enough - so sharp he could cut himself. He was also profoundly dyslexic.</p><p>With hindsight, we wonder what else should have been diagnosed.</p><p></p><p>My sister worked with him, she fought for support and understanding, she had a terrible time. Her husband was not supportive - when her son found out that he was adopted, he said, "Thank goodness. Now I know that ***** is not my father, I am so relieved."</p><p>He's been in prison. He's been on drugs. He's been on the streets.</p><p>But he has come home again.</p><p></p><p>When he was 12, my sister had him re-assessed and the people there told her, "We can't help you any more. You've already helped him achieve more than we ever thought possible. That he can read at all, is a miracle. Don't expect him to also write neatly, or with correct spelling. Everything beyond here is a bonus."</p><p></p><p>She did everything she could, and he still had problems. For a long time she blamed herself for not making his life perfect, but we told her, "At least he HAS a life. If you hadn't adopted him, what would his life have been like? Would he even be alive?"</p><p></p><p>And as I said, he has come back. He's made a mess of his life but is finally realising that his mother has been his best ally. He's quit the drugs, he's trying to help his own kids with their problems and is doing the best he can with what he has left.</p><p></p><p>He's not a success. But he is alive, and functioning positively now after all these years. And if it hadn't been for my sister, it wouldn't have a hope of being this good for him.</p><p></p><p>I was given a ball of wool which was being thrown away. It had moth holes in it. But I didn't like to see the wool go to waste, so I made a scarf. Maybe if it hadn't been for the moth holes, I wouldn't have had to tie so many knots in the length of wool. It might have made a prettier scarf, although the little knot ends give it character. It could have been a longer scarf, but it'll do. As I knitted it, I removed any moths I found and cleaned the wool. I put in some effort to turn a discarded ball of wool into something useful. Maybe if it hadn't been damaged, I could have done a better job. But at least I did it. A scarf of sorts is too good to throw away.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 123201, member: 1991"] We can worry that our child will end up like the undiagnosed tragic relative who had no intervention - or we can get on with managing, day to day. Planning somewhat into the future in case our concerns come true, in terms of their inability to live independently - that is sensible. it takes courage to do this and it also takes facing our grief head-on. But always remember - you have given this child every chance to develop to be the best they can be, even if that 'best' is not that much. They have been already given a great deal more, than that undiagnosed tragic relative. My adopted nephew is a mess. My sister was told he was "retarded" when she got him, because the mother was "diminished responsibility" and he had been handed over by his grandmother. As he grew we could see physical problems, but he certainly seemed sharp enough - so sharp he could cut himself. He was also profoundly dyslexic. With hindsight, we wonder what else should have been diagnosed. My sister worked with him, she fought for support and understanding, she had a terrible time. Her husband was not supportive - when her son found out that he was adopted, he said, "Thank goodness. Now I know that ***** is not my father, I am so relieved." He's been in prison. He's been on drugs. He's been on the streets. But he has come home again. When he was 12, my sister had him re-assessed and the people there told her, "We can't help you any more. You've already helped him achieve more than we ever thought possible. That he can read at all, is a miracle. Don't expect him to also write neatly, or with correct spelling. Everything beyond here is a bonus." She did everything she could, and he still had problems. For a long time she blamed herself for not making his life perfect, but we told her, "At least he HAS a life. If you hadn't adopted him, what would his life have been like? Would he even be alive?" And as I said, he has come back. He's made a mess of his life but is finally realising that his mother has been his best ally. He's quit the drugs, he's trying to help his own kids with their problems and is doing the best he can with what he has left. He's not a success. But he is alive, and functioning positively now after all these years. And if it hadn't been for my sister, it wouldn't have a hope of being this good for him. I was given a ball of wool which was being thrown away. It had moth holes in it. But I didn't like to see the wool go to waste, so I made a scarf. Maybe if it hadn't been for the moth holes, I wouldn't have had to tie so many knots in the length of wool. It might have made a prettier scarf, although the little knot ends give it character. It could have been a longer scarf, but it'll do. As I knitted it, I removed any moths I found and cleaned the wool. I put in some effort to turn a discarded ball of wool into something useful. Maybe if it hadn't been damaged, I could have done a better job. But at least I did it. A scarf of sorts is too good to throw away. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
When the long term future for your child is very bleak....
Top