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General Parenting
When the long term future for your child is very bleak....
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 123535" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>P</p><p> </p><p>You're post touched me deeply because it wasn't so very long ago when I was where you are. Take a look down at my signature and read my son Travis' dxes. Quite a bit for one young man, huh?</p><p> </p><p>Well, I can tell you that when Travis was about 13 I saw no hope of him living independently. None. Intelligence had nothing to do with it. The boy is highly intelligent. But at 13 he also was at the developmental age of a 5-6 yr old child. And their were cognitive disabilities, visual disabilities..... </p><p> </p><p>I'd gotten thru some of the worst times of Travis' childhood simply by counting down the days til he'd turn 18 and I could have my life back. Don't get me wrong, his childhood was not where near all bad, but he was definately a kid that challenged me every moment of every day.</p><p> </p><p>Then the realization that Travis may never be able to live on his own hit. And I nearly went over the edge. My heart was broken both for me and for him. I grieved horribly. I grieved for all the hopes and dreams I had for him, as well as the ones he had for himself that would never become a reality.</p><p> </p><p>But acknowledging the reality of who Travis really is, and letting myself grieve for who he would never be allowed me to accept my son more completely than I'd ever done before. I'd spent his whole life doing everything within my power (docs treatments ect) to help him be as "normal" as possible. And it was a bitter pill to swallow when I had to accept that Travis will never be normal.</p><p> </p><p>A bitter pill for ME to swallow. Not Travis.</p><p> </p><p>From then on it was as if the blinders had be removed from my eyes. I began to accept my son for who he is. And while I've always loved him dearly, I found that I could love him even more. </p><p> </p><p>That doesn't mean I stopped trying to help him be the best person he could be, it just means I stopped trying to make him be normal. Travis is not normal, and will never be normal. He is simply Travis.</p><p> </p><p>And then, as Travis has done all his life, he amazed us. I never thought he'd manage to graduate hs despite his IEP. But he not only graduated hs but also a tech school that had taught him how to repair computers (A++ training). All through hs I watched him inching closer and closer to his peers.</p><p> </p><p>After hs he was let down because the state won't modify the certification test for the computer. So he couldn't take it. But he still wanted to work and got a job. He couldn't drive being legally blind. But while that was a particularly hard blow on him, he's come to accept it.</p><p> </p><p>At 21 if someone were to ask me his development age now, I'd place him around at least 16 to 17 yrs. Oh, he still has many problems. Most will always be there.</p><p> </p><p>But guess what?</p><p> </p><p>He wants to go to college next fall. He's doing all of the paperwork and loan stuff himself with my easy child. He's making all of the arrangements himself to be given statis as a disabled student. HIMSELF!</p><p> </p><p>And I and the whole family are cheering him on.</p><p> </p><p>Now if you'd asked me when he was 13 if I ever thought he'd go to college I'd have not hesitated to say no. If you'd asked me if I thought he could live independently I'd have said no. You'd have gotten the same answer at 16. And at 18.</p><p> </p><p>But at 21, I'm waiting for Travis to show me what he can do. Yes, Travis is disabled, both mentally and physically. There are tons of things he will never be able to do that we take for granted. But he has taught me paitence. He has taught me to be humble. And he has taught me to never underestimate him.</p><p> </p><p>Don't limit him now at age 9. Realistic is great. We need to be realistic. But he has alot of years between 9 and 21 to surprise you. Keep pushing him to be the best person HE can be. If it's not "normal" so be it. If he needs help as an adult, you'll deal with it THEN. But that's a long way off.</p><p> </p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 123535, member: 84"] P You're post touched me deeply because it wasn't so very long ago when I was where you are. Take a look down at my signature and read my son Travis' dxes. Quite a bit for one young man, huh? Well, I can tell you that when Travis was about 13 I saw no hope of him living independently. None. Intelligence had nothing to do with it. The boy is highly intelligent. But at 13 he also was at the developmental age of a 5-6 yr old child. And their were cognitive disabilities, visual disabilities..... I'd gotten thru some of the worst times of Travis' childhood simply by counting down the days til he'd turn 18 and I could have my life back. Don't get me wrong, his childhood was not where near all bad, but he was definately a kid that challenged me every moment of every day. Then the realization that Travis may never be able to live on his own hit. And I nearly went over the edge. My heart was broken both for me and for him. I grieved horribly. I grieved for all the hopes and dreams I had for him, as well as the ones he had for himself that would never become a reality. But acknowledging the reality of who Travis really is, and letting myself grieve for who he would never be allowed me to accept my son more completely than I'd ever done before. I'd spent his whole life doing everything within my power (docs treatments ect) to help him be as "normal" as possible. And it was a bitter pill to swallow when I had to accept that Travis will never be normal. A bitter pill for ME to swallow. Not Travis. From then on it was as if the blinders had be removed from my eyes. I began to accept my son for who he is. And while I've always loved him dearly, I found that I could love him even more. That doesn't mean I stopped trying to help him be the best person he could be, it just means I stopped trying to make him be normal. Travis is not normal, and will never be normal. He is simply Travis. And then, as Travis has done all his life, he amazed us. I never thought he'd manage to graduate hs despite his IEP. But he not only graduated hs but also a tech school that had taught him how to repair computers (A++ training). All through hs I watched him inching closer and closer to his peers. After hs he was let down because the state won't modify the certification test for the computer. So he couldn't take it. But he still wanted to work and got a job. He couldn't drive being legally blind. But while that was a particularly hard blow on him, he's come to accept it. At 21 if someone were to ask me his development age now, I'd place him around at least 16 to 17 yrs. Oh, he still has many problems. Most will always be there. But guess what? He wants to go to college next fall. He's doing all of the paperwork and loan stuff himself with my easy child. He's making all of the arrangements himself to be given statis as a disabled student. HIMSELF! And I and the whole family are cheering him on. Now if you'd asked me when he was 13 if I ever thought he'd go to college I'd have not hesitated to say no. If you'd asked me if I thought he could live independently I'd have said no. You'd have gotten the same answer at 16. And at 18. But at 21, I'm waiting for Travis to show me what he can do. Yes, Travis is disabled, both mentally and physically. There are tons of things he will never be able to do that we take for granted. But he has taught me paitence. He has taught me to be humble. And he has taught me to never underestimate him. Don't limit him now at age 9. Realistic is great. We need to be realistic. But he has alot of years between 9 and 21 to surprise you. Keep pushing him to be the best person HE can be. If it's not "normal" so be it. If he needs help as an adult, you'll deal with it THEN. But that's a long way off. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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