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When to advocate and when not to?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 436329" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Do you have an attorney? Are you willing to get one even for the short term? I personally would have blasted them for telling my child she needs to use a skill to handle a terroristic threat drawn by a MOB of girls. That drawing was not "fun" or "healthy expression" of anything. It is, and was created to be, a threat telling your child that this is what is going to happen to her. Having been the victim of abuse she has learned to be a victim. Victims ATTRACT abuse like magnets. You simply cannot just tell a victim to "use a skill" or to "handle it yourself". They are not CAPABLE of doing this. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter can advocate for herself about as well as she can write her name is urine using a male private part. I would use the correct anatomical name and tell the idiots at this place that. Cause it will stick in their minds - both that you won't hesistate to use an analogy that is shocking and memorable and that past abuse makes her unable to cope.</p><p></p><p>Right now this place would have maybe, and only maybe, ONE more mistake before my child would be gone if there was a way to get her out of there. IF it is court ordered, I would have an attorney all up in their faces. I am SURE that allowing other children to terrorize and threaten and abuse her is NOT therapeutic in any way, shape or form. I am also sure that when she asks for medical care and it is denied to the point that she ends up with pneumonia and other serious, potentially life and long term health threatening problems then the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is both legally liable AND liaabel in civil suits for pain and suffering. </p><p></p><p>Given your daughter's past abuse history, she needs to be under very close supervision NOT NOT NOT because she is going to mess everything up but so that she can be walked through the steps of healthy living and healthy ways to interact and advocate for herself. In NO way is she getting this and I would be finding out who the top dog at the facility is and hwo the top dog at the company or government division that runs the place is. I would also be calling my attorney (finding one if I don't have one - heck, even look for a law student at a law school in your state or a savvy paralegal who can help advise you) and my state and fed representatives. If needed, I would borrow a page out of marg's book and take a few books, bag of snacks, thermos of coffee, even a small pillow and light blanket because the airconditioning can get cold this time of year and I would be camping out in the office of one of those representatives until they were willing to step in.</p><p></p><p>You NEED to call the local domestic violence center this week. Make an appointment to talk to someone about how a program to help your daughter learn to advocate for herself should be set up. Get them involved in devising steps that can help her stop the bullying by staff and residents at this place. Then go and DEMAND that the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) start working that program. It may be that you need to contact someone in the higher up level of this place to do it, and if so, go to the very top. Ignore the people in the middle. If they were doing their jobs you would not need to do this. (If you need help finding the top people, pm me all the info you have on the facility - including name of the place, address, any mailing addresses, name of the director, any hospital affiliation, etc....... It may take a couple of days but I can try to find it if you need help.)</p><p></p><p>You also need to let these people know that you are keeping records, with the names of staff and residents who are terrorizing your daughter and you will hold them legally accountable for any abuse your daughter suffers as they refuse to listen when she tries to advocate for herself, as staff members with NO medical or psychological training put her through intense humiliation and emotional pain with the consent of the doctor who co-conspired with her by not asking ANY questions about if she had a medical condition causing the medical problem the untrained staff member diagnosed her with or even if the medical problem or behavioral problem existed (and the staff member isn't qualified to diagnosis a behavioral problem either) but this was used to torment, humiliate, bully and further victimize your already traumatized daughter. Because of their lack of staff supervision you daughter was harmed emotionally and socially and was made a target of further campaigns of terror by the residents and teh staff (both trained and untrained) refuse to either listen to her when she asks for help or show her how to help herself and stand up for herself in those situation. IN fact, by not listening to her they are making her a further target of the residents, thus the staff is complicit and fully responsible in a legal, criminal and financail sense for the trauma you daughter has experienced.</p><p></p><p>It very well may take legal action to make these vicious people treat your daughter the way every human deserves to be treated. They are condoning the actions against her by not helping her, esp as they let a staff member make her a target by that forced "diet" that was really just abuse of the worst kind. </p><p></p><p>Is there ANY way you can get her out of there and into a better place?? If nothing else, she NEEDS help from a domestic violence center to deal with the victimization, or a group that specializes in helping those who have been abused in other ways. I am NOT saying that she was hurt by you or husband, just that she has to deal with the trauma of abuse of some kind and she has to learn to not be a victim who is an abuse magnet. DV centers are the only place I can think of that do this with real skill and frequency other than sexual abuse counsellors. But I don't know how she was abused so I don't know which is most appropriate. I do think the abuse by the staff members with the diet and medical neglect constitute domesticc violence because that is her home right now.</p><p></p><p>(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) Cry at home, we know how this hurts. But it is time to put bite into your bark and stop listening to stupid people who tell you, in their role as tdocs, to abandon your daughter to their abuse so that she can somehow learn something. Personally, given the abuse she has experienced with them heaped on top of past trauma, I would be at the burning bed point or close - the point where I started lashing out just to make the people who kept terrorizing me dead so it would stop. ANd I would be going for dead because I would believe that if they were breathing it would keep happening. I have been there and it IS what I thought. I know it isn't "rational" and I know it is how I reacted. I ended up not doing it, but it was very very close.</p><p></p><p>You might explain to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) people that if ONE person in any school in the country drew that picture of your daughter with weapons, they would be expelled and criminal charges of terroristic threats would be filed (it has happened in many schools with kids from elem to high school). If a group di dit they would likely be brought up on charges and expelled and the entire staff of the school would be evaluated to see why they allowed it to happen - and some people would be fired most likely.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 436329, member: 1233"] Do you have an attorney? Are you willing to get one even for the short term? I personally would have blasted them for telling my child she needs to use a skill to handle a terroristic threat drawn by a MOB of girls. That drawing was not "fun" or "healthy expression" of anything. It is, and was created to be, a threat telling your child that this is what is going to happen to her. Having been the victim of abuse she has learned to be a victim. Victims ATTRACT abuse like magnets. You simply cannot just tell a victim to "use a skill" or to "handle it yourself". They are not CAPABLE of doing this. Your daughter can advocate for herself about as well as she can write her name is urine using a male private part. I would use the correct anatomical name and tell the idiots at this place that. Cause it will stick in their minds - both that you won't hesistate to use an analogy that is shocking and memorable and that past abuse makes her unable to cope. Right now this place would have maybe, and only maybe, ONE more mistake before my child would be gone if there was a way to get her out of there. IF it is court ordered, I would have an attorney all up in their faces. I am SURE that allowing other children to terrorize and threaten and abuse her is NOT therapeutic in any way, shape or form. I am also sure that when she asks for medical care and it is denied to the point that she ends up with pneumonia and other serious, potentially life and long term health threatening problems then the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is both legally liable AND liaabel in civil suits for pain and suffering. Given your daughter's past abuse history, she needs to be under very close supervision NOT NOT NOT because she is going to mess everything up but so that she can be walked through the steps of healthy living and healthy ways to interact and advocate for herself. In NO way is she getting this and I would be finding out who the top dog at the facility is and hwo the top dog at the company or government division that runs the place is. I would also be calling my attorney (finding one if I don't have one - heck, even look for a law student at a law school in your state or a savvy paralegal who can help advise you) and my state and fed representatives. If needed, I would borrow a page out of marg's book and take a few books, bag of snacks, thermos of coffee, even a small pillow and light blanket because the airconditioning can get cold this time of year and I would be camping out in the office of one of those representatives until they were willing to step in. You NEED to call the local domestic violence center this week. Make an appointment to talk to someone about how a program to help your daughter learn to advocate for herself should be set up. Get them involved in devising steps that can help her stop the bullying by staff and residents at this place. Then go and DEMAND that the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) start working that program. It may be that you need to contact someone in the higher up level of this place to do it, and if so, go to the very top. Ignore the people in the middle. If they were doing their jobs you would not need to do this. (If you need help finding the top people, pm me all the info you have on the facility - including name of the place, address, any mailing addresses, name of the director, any hospital affiliation, etc....... It may take a couple of days but I can try to find it if you need help.) You also need to let these people know that you are keeping records, with the names of staff and residents who are terrorizing your daughter and you will hold them legally accountable for any abuse your daughter suffers as they refuse to listen when she tries to advocate for herself, as staff members with NO medical or psychological training put her through intense humiliation and emotional pain with the consent of the doctor who co-conspired with her by not asking ANY questions about if she had a medical condition causing the medical problem the untrained staff member diagnosed her with or even if the medical problem or behavioral problem existed (and the staff member isn't qualified to diagnosis a behavioral problem either) but this was used to torment, humiliate, bully and further victimize your already traumatized daughter. Because of their lack of staff supervision you daughter was harmed emotionally and socially and was made a target of further campaigns of terror by the residents and teh staff (both trained and untrained) refuse to either listen to her when she asks for help or show her how to help herself and stand up for herself in those situation. IN fact, by not listening to her they are making her a further target of the residents, thus the staff is complicit and fully responsible in a legal, criminal and financail sense for the trauma you daughter has experienced. It very well may take legal action to make these vicious people treat your daughter the way every human deserves to be treated. They are condoning the actions against her by not helping her, esp as they let a staff member make her a target by that forced "diet" that was really just abuse of the worst kind. Is there ANY way you can get her out of there and into a better place?? If nothing else, she NEEDS help from a domestic violence center to deal with the victimization, or a group that specializes in helping those who have been abused in other ways. I am NOT saying that she was hurt by you or husband, just that she has to deal with the trauma of abuse of some kind and she has to learn to not be a victim who is an abuse magnet. DV centers are the only place I can think of that do this with real skill and frequency other than sexual abuse counsellors. But I don't know how she was abused so I don't know which is most appropriate. I do think the abuse by the staff members with the diet and medical neglect constitute domesticc violence because that is her home right now. (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) Cry at home, we know how this hurts. But it is time to put bite into your bark and stop listening to stupid people who tell you, in their role as tdocs, to abandon your daughter to their abuse so that she can somehow learn something. Personally, given the abuse she has experienced with them heaped on top of past trauma, I would be at the burning bed point or close - the point where I started lashing out just to make the people who kept terrorizing me dead so it would stop. ANd I would be going for dead because I would believe that if they were breathing it would keep happening. I have been there and it IS what I thought. I know it isn't "rational" and I know it is how I reacted. I ended up not doing it, but it was very very close. You might explain to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) people that if ONE person in any school in the country drew that picture of your daughter with weapons, they would be expelled and criminal charges of terroristic threats would be filed (it has happened in many schools with kids from elem to high school). If a group di dit they would likely be brought up on charges and expelled and the entire staff of the school would be evaluated to see why they allowed it to happen - and some people would be fired most likely. [/QUOTE]
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