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When WE backslide
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<blockquote data-quote="JMom" data-source="post: 755187" data-attributes="member: 19892"><p>Busy,</p><p></p><p>I too, struggled with MY part in my son's addiction. I wrote down all the things that I did wrong or wondered if it made a difference. Then I had to ask myself, Where is the evidence? Are these feelings or actions? I think we feel more guilt and take responsibility for other's actions because that would mean we have control to change it, stop it, etc...</p><p></p><p>I do feel I had some part an asked my son about it. He said he didn't want to blame me but that it was hard for him, growing up in high crime neighborhoods. I was a single mom and lost a good paying job due to a seizure disorder. I did the best that I could do. He did say that it is the addict's choice to do drugs, steal, manipulate people and that he would've done that regardless of my part in it. He admittedly said, stop trying to make it your fault, I just liked the feeling of being high. He said the enabling made it easier for him but that he was shocked and proud when I told him I couldn't do it anymore.</p><p></p><p>I think we all take stock in our part because we are responsible, empathetic and desire to be accountable. I think it is OK to work through it and then forgive yourself so you can move on. I also think the most important thing to remember is that YOU didn't choose this path, she did. She chose not to speak to you, she chose to move away from her child, she chose to use the child as a bargaining chip. She has all of you in a cruel limbo, held hostage to your fears. I think fear has it's place, but can make us hyper-vigilant, which is exhausting.</p><p></p><p>I challenge you to live in the present as much as possible. The past and future are only have power in our minds. The past has helped us write our story, but I agree with others, the future cannot be determined by our thinking. </p><p></p><p>Close your eyes, feel your breath coming in and out, put your feet on the ground and feel from your little toes all the way up to your head. Feel the sensation of LIFE. Know that as you move through the present moment, I am praying for you from the top of your head, down to your tippy toes. I pray that you are covered by the grace of God with his loving peace.</p><p></p><p>Forgive me if I overstep but I share this scripture-Matthew 18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. I know there are more than two of us praying in agreement for your peace and a happy ending with the custody.</p><p></p><p>My personal fave-Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all <em>you</em> who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. <a href="http://biblehub.com/matthew/11-29.htm" target="_blank"><strong>29</strong></a>Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am <a href="https://biblehub.com/nkjv/matthew/11.htm#footnotes" target="_blank">[f]</a>gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. <a href="http://biblehub.com/matthew/11-30.htm" target="_blank"><strong>30</strong></a>For My yoke <em>is</em> easy and My burden is light.”</p><p></p><p>I didn't intend to share scripture, it just came to me. We are here with you. You're doing great, keep your head up princess.</p><p>Jmom</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JMom, post: 755187, member: 19892"] Busy, I too, struggled with MY part in my son's addiction. I wrote down all the things that I did wrong or wondered if it made a difference. Then I had to ask myself, Where is the evidence? Are these feelings or actions? I think we feel more guilt and take responsibility for other's actions because that would mean we have control to change it, stop it, etc... I do feel I had some part an asked my son about it. He said he didn't want to blame me but that it was hard for him, growing up in high crime neighborhoods. I was a single mom and lost a good paying job due to a seizure disorder. I did the best that I could do. He did say that it is the addict's choice to do drugs, steal, manipulate people and that he would've done that regardless of my part in it. He admittedly said, stop trying to make it your fault, I just liked the feeling of being high. He said the enabling made it easier for him but that he was shocked and proud when I told him I couldn't do it anymore. I think we all take stock in our part because we are responsible, empathetic and desire to be accountable. I think it is OK to work through it and then forgive yourself so you can move on. I also think the most important thing to remember is that YOU didn't choose this path, she did. She chose not to speak to you, she chose to move away from her child, she chose to use the child as a bargaining chip. She has all of you in a cruel limbo, held hostage to your fears. I think fear has it's place, but can make us hyper-vigilant, which is exhausting. I challenge you to live in the present as much as possible. The past and future are only have power in our minds. The past has helped us write our story, but I agree with others, the future cannot be determined by our thinking. Close your eyes, feel your breath coming in and out, put your feet on the ground and feel from your little toes all the way up to your head. Feel the sensation of LIFE. Know that as you move through the present moment, I am praying for you from the top of your head, down to your tippy toes. I pray that you are covered by the grace of God with his loving peace. Forgive me if I overstep but I share this scripture-Matthew 18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. I know there are more than two of us praying in agreement for your peace and a happy ending with the custody. My personal fave-Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all [I]you[/I] who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. [URL='http://biblehub.com/matthew/11-29.htm'][B]29[/B][/URL]Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [URL='https://biblehub.com/nkjv/matthew/11.htm#footnotes'][f][/URL]gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. [URL='http://biblehub.com/matthew/11-30.htm'][B]30[/B][/URL]For My yoke [I]is[/I] easy and My burden is light.” I didn't intend to share scripture, it just came to me. We are here with you. You're doing great, keep your head up princess. Jmom [/QUOTE]
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