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When you just don't like them anymore
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 43281" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>Okay, I'm starting to think there's some weird psychic thing going on with this group... :hypnosis: </p><p></p><p>wife and I just had this conversation over the weekend as well. We've both come to the point where we really, really dislike our son most of the time, but yet we still love him very much. The internal conflict can be so painful....</p><p></p><p>I think "liking" is based on attraction, shared interests or concerns, and a genuine desire to share someone elses company.</p><p></p><p>Loving, however, is committment to the wellbeing of another person, even if it means sacrifice on your part.</p><p></p><p>At one point, I use to think the opposite of love is hate. But according to my psychiatrist friend, "hate" is the opposite of "like", not "love". <strong>Apathy</strong> is the opposite of love. So I guess it's not so hard to understand actually hating my son when the pothead demon is in posession, yet still loving him at the same time. Learning to understand and separate the two, though, is something I'm still struggling with.</p><p></p><p>This is also a point that, unfortunately, I had to make clear to my difficult child this Sunday (yes, on Mother's Day). He was "acting the fool" again, and decided that he would spend Mother's day with his girlfriend's family (and her mother). Never said one word to wife all day except to ask if he could leave. I let him know in no uncertain terms that I loved him, would always love him, but that I didn't like him very much at that point.</p><p></p><p>I also went through this same thing with my grandfather during his last few years of cancer before he passed, so at least I have some experience with this. wife, on the other hand, never has, so the love/like conflict is tearing her up. We'll make it through, though, as I hope the rest of us here at CD will. </p><p></p><p>I guess it's just that Mother's Day (and Father's Day) are the two days where we're forced to remember our children, both as they were and as they are. And that makes it especialy tough for parents of difficult child's on these days.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 43281, member: 3579"] Okay, I'm starting to think there's some weird psychic thing going on with this group... [img]:hypnosis:[/img] wife and I just had this conversation over the weekend as well. We've both come to the point where we really, really dislike our son most of the time, but yet we still love him very much. The internal conflict can be so painful.... I think "liking" is based on attraction, shared interests or concerns, and a genuine desire to share someone elses company. Loving, however, is committment to the wellbeing of another person, even if it means sacrifice on your part. At one point, I use to think the opposite of love is hate. But according to my psychiatrist friend, "hate" is the opposite of "like", not "love". [b]Apathy[/b] is the opposite of love. So I guess it's not so hard to understand actually hating my son when the pothead demon is in posession, yet still loving him at the same time. Learning to understand and separate the two, though, is something I'm still struggling with. This is also a point that, unfortunately, I had to make clear to my difficult child this Sunday (yes, on Mother's Day). He was "acting the fool" again, and decided that he would spend Mother's day with his girlfriend's family (and her mother). Never said one word to wife all day except to ask if he could leave. I let him know in no uncertain terms that I loved him, would always love him, but that I didn't like him very much at that point. I also went through this same thing with my grandfather during his last few years of cancer before he passed, so at least I have some experience with this. wife, on the other hand, never has, so the love/like conflict is tearing her up. We'll make it through, though, as I hope the rest of us here at CD will. I guess it's just that Mother's Day (and Father's Day) are the two days where we're forced to remember our children, both as they were and as they are. And that makes it especialy tough for parents of difficult child's on these days. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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