P
PatriotsGirl
Guest
So, last post I told you how husband said he would pay difficult child to come do the lawn each week. Helps us and we know she has food money in her pocket. difficult child needed a working phone and so earlier in the week I picked one up and told her she could do the lawn to earn that this week instead of cash. Well, it rained most of the weekend except for yesterday. So around 10am I start trying to get a hold of difficult child to come do the lawn. husband says no big deal, I can do it and she can come clean the house on Tuesday instead to earn it. Should have just made that plan, but I digress. difficult child called me back so I went to retrieve her and told husband she was coming to do the lawn.
Well, I pick her up and she had fallen back asleep. So she gets in my car looking thoroughly ragged and proceeds to tell me not to pull all the way in the driveway when I pick her up - that all it does is cause the homeowner to get ticked off. She of course said this is her usual snappy way. I knew right then and there it was not going to be a good day. I should have just stopped and brought her back. But nooo.....I was determined to have a good day.
So, I bring her back to the house and husband comes outside and says hey to difficult child. She doesn't say anything. Great start. She is wearing a dress that I gave to her and flip flops - husband says she shouldn't be weed eating in flip flops and she tells us that she does not own a pair of sneakers. She had a pair but they were stolen. (I am also beginning to think she doesn't have many clothes, either). Which of course, makes us both feel bad.
She goes out and is working on the lawn and husband had to run to the store. He comes back with the items he needed and a $25.00 visa card for her. He handed it to me and told me to tell her to put shoes on her feet. I explained to him that I was planning on taking the kids to Shoe Carnival that day because they were having a sale and both kids could use sneakers. So he says well she can use it for what ever she needs. I thought that was sweet and told difficult child about it and left it on the table on top of the phone she earned.
After she is done, she opens the box and pulls the phone out. You can tell she doesn't like it but is trying not to show it too much. Oh, well, I was not buying her some fancy phone with all the bells and whistles on it! She takes a shower and asks to borrow my laptop. I let her thinking she is going to use it to look for a job - should have known better. She goes on craigslist and she is looking at dogs and sitting there sniffling. I knew this was some sort of manipulation tactic. It was dramatic - she kept calling me over to look at dogs. Ugh.
But all day she was in a bad mood and she was just snappy and miserable and it felt exactly the way it used to with her there. So I decided we are going to finish this day up quicker than I had planned. So we ate dinner and packed up all these leftovers for her to take back with her. I told her she needed to get off the laptop and she snapped at me to wait a minute. I told her no, we have to go now - I wanted to get to the shoe store, bring her home and get home in time for Big Brother. She decides she needs a pillow and goes up to her old room. I told her she could have a pillow, of course, but to leave the pillowcase because it goes with the set on the bed. She starts arguing about that and I handed her a spare pillow case and said she could have that. Then she changed her mind and wanted one of the throw pillows off the couch in her old room. I told her no, that is part of the set up there take the other pillow. And it just turned in to an argument from her and husband said hey, next time you have her over do it when I am not here because I don't want to listen to this. And of course that threw her in to a tizzy and she comes flying downstairs cussing and running off at the mouth. So he tells her to pack her things and leave the house. She is cussing, flipping him the bird and basically going a little nuts. She gets in the car still screaming at him and he comes flying out of the house and screaming. It was a bad scene.
On the way to drop her off, while she is still screaming in my car, I try to explain to her what went wrong. She insisted it was all us. That she did nothing wrong. She says she is unhappy because of her dog. I explained to her that her losing her dog was not our fault and no, I am sorry, I do not wish to spend the day with you looking at pictures of dogs and crying. (She lost her dog because of this lifestyle she is living. I know it is hard and I know it is rough but for goodness sake, learn something from it and move on!)
So, needless to say, the visit did not go well. husband wants nothing to do with her and I am in a rock in a hard place. I still feel the need to help her. I still want to put shoes on her feet, clothes on her back and food in her belly. I am also thinking we tried to give so much that we went backwards a bit. She did text me to apologize for the day, but she has not apologized to him.
So......now what do I do? I need warrior mom advice please.....
Well, I pick her up and she had fallen back asleep. So she gets in my car looking thoroughly ragged and proceeds to tell me not to pull all the way in the driveway when I pick her up - that all it does is cause the homeowner to get ticked off. She of course said this is her usual snappy way. I knew right then and there it was not going to be a good day. I should have just stopped and brought her back. But nooo.....I was determined to have a good day.
So, I bring her back to the house and husband comes outside and says hey to difficult child. She doesn't say anything. Great start. She is wearing a dress that I gave to her and flip flops - husband says she shouldn't be weed eating in flip flops and she tells us that she does not own a pair of sneakers. She had a pair but they were stolen. (I am also beginning to think she doesn't have many clothes, either). Which of course, makes us both feel bad.
She goes out and is working on the lawn and husband had to run to the store. He comes back with the items he needed and a $25.00 visa card for her. He handed it to me and told me to tell her to put shoes on her feet. I explained to him that I was planning on taking the kids to Shoe Carnival that day because they were having a sale and both kids could use sneakers. So he says well she can use it for what ever she needs. I thought that was sweet and told difficult child about it and left it on the table on top of the phone she earned.
After she is done, she opens the box and pulls the phone out. You can tell she doesn't like it but is trying not to show it too much. Oh, well, I was not buying her some fancy phone with all the bells and whistles on it! She takes a shower and asks to borrow my laptop. I let her thinking she is going to use it to look for a job - should have known better. She goes on craigslist and she is looking at dogs and sitting there sniffling. I knew this was some sort of manipulation tactic. It was dramatic - she kept calling me over to look at dogs. Ugh.
But all day she was in a bad mood and she was just snappy and miserable and it felt exactly the way it used to with her there. So I decided we are going to finish this day up quicker than I had planned. So we ate dinner and packed up all these leftovers for her to take back with her. I told her she needed to get off the laptop and she snapped at me to wait a minute. I told her no, we have to go now - I wanted to get to the shoe store, bring her home and get home in time for Big Brother. She decides she needs a pillow and goes up to her old room. I told her she could have a pillow, of course, but to leave the pillowcase because it goes with the set on the bed. She starts arguing about that and I handed her a spare pillow case and said she could have that. Then she changed her mind and wanted one of the throw pillows off the couch in her old room. I told her no, that is part of the set up there take the other pillow. And it just turned in to an argument from her and husband said hey, next time you have her over do it when I am not here because I don't want to listen to this. And of course that threw her in to a tizzy and she comes flying downstairs cussing and running off at the mouth. So he tells her to pack her things and leave the house. She is cussing, flipping him the bird and basically going a little nuts. She gets in the car still screaming at him and he comes flying out of the house and screaming. It was a bad scene.
On the way to drop her off, while she is still screaming in my car, I try to explain to her what went wrong. She insisted it was all us. That she did nothing wrong. She says she is unhappy because of her dog. I explained to her that her losing her dog was not our fault and no, I am sorry, I do not wish to spend the day with you looking at pictures of dogs and crying. (She lost her dog because of this lifestyle she is living. I know it is hard and I know it is rough but for goodness sake, learn something from it and move on!)
So, needless to say, the visit did not go well. husband wants nothing to do with her and I am in a rock in a hard place. I still feel the need to help her. I still want to put shoes on her feet, clothes on her back and food in her belly. I am also thinking we tried to give so much that we went backwards a bit. She did text me to apologize for the day, but she has not apologized to him.
So......now what do I do? I need warrior mom advice please.....
