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<blockquote data-quote="Madre" data-source="post: 689563" data-attributes="member: 20402"><p>Perhaps it got hidden in all of the text. I do see a psychiatrist. I have been on medication for several years. </p><p></p><p>I do not want to live with my son and let him support me but I have no choice. I currently work 4 part time jobs just to pay off debt I've accumulated over the years. I do not have enough to pay for a place to live. I've sold off about everything I have. If I declared bankruptcy (and I've been to an attorney about this), I would have to give up the car that my daughter drives and is very dependent upon. In order for her to get to her grad school from where her boyfriend lives, it is a 30 minute drive. She has a minimal income, but certainly not enough to pay for the car. I would probably lose my car, too, leaving me with no way to get to and from a job.</p><p></p><p>I am definitely struggling and would love to get counseling. I don't have the funds to cover it and when I looked into a clinic with a sliding scale, they were so overwhelmed with prospective clients that they were not even putting names on a waiting list.</p><p></p><p>I know my dependency on them is unhealthy. I know that they would probably thrive without me in their lives. I also know that my options are very limited. I'm much older than a mom who typically has kids this age and to be honest, that limits my job opportunities. Employers are not supposed to discriminate based on age, but they do.</p><p></p><p>I also know that taking my life would be a horrible thing to do. Both kids would suffer tremendously because of it. But they are suffering because of my issues, now. I wouldn't hurt myself, but sometimes I feel as if that is the only solution to this mess. The reality is that they still want me and often need me but on their terms. When I need them, it is an imposition and everybody judges me and tells me I should back off and let them grow up. (I'm not being critical, honestly). I played both Mom and Dad to them for 13 years, since one or the other was always under my roof. I have a huge void to fill since they were the focus of my life. I would love to fill my time with things that interest me, but they cost money and right now, my time needs to be spent making money. But I'm tired of working 4 jobs. I never get a break. I don't get much sleep. I am having a dreadful time managing the stress.</p><p></p><p>I will look into the low income housing and other forms of financial assistance. But, in the past, I have not qualified. While I am having a tough time making ends meet, it is more about the debt. I probably make enough to disqualify me but I cannot get caught up with myself. So, there is not much help available to me - either financially or psychologically.</p><p></p><p>I do agree that our kids need us to be strong for them. For years, I hid my issues. But lately, the stress has taken its toll and even if I wanted to hide it, they would see it. When I went to my daughter's college graduation last week, I was really having a difficult time because everybody was bickering and criticizing everything. I got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore and announced that I had to get out and clear my head. I forgot to take my phone. I went for a walk, but about 30 minutes later, my son found me and just tore into me for disappearing like that. They were worried about me, I was being selfish, etc., etc. I was only trying to take a break so I could calm down before I said anything that would just exacerbate things. I couldn't even do that without them hunting me down. It's all very confusing to me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Madre, post: 689563, member: 20402"] Perhaps it got hidden in all of the text. I do see a psychiatrist. I have been on medication for several years. I do not want to live with my son and let him support me but I have no choice. I currently work 4 part time jobs just to pay off debt I've accumulated over the years. I do not have enough to pay for a place to live. I've sold off about everything I have. If I declared bankruptcy (and I've been to an attorney about this), I would have to give up the car that my daughter drives and is very dependent upon. In order for her to get to her grad school from where her boyfriend lives, it is a 30 minute drive. She has a minimal income, but certainly not enough to pay for the car. I would probably lose my car, too, leaving me with no way to get to and from a job. I am definitely struggling and would love to get counseling. I don't have the funds to cover it and when I looked into a clinic with a sliding scale, they were so overwhelmed with prospective clients that they were not even putting names on a waiting list. I know my dependency on them is unhealthy. I know that they would probably thrive without me in their lives. I also know that my options are very limited. I'm much older than a mom who typically has kids this age and to be honest, that limits my job opportunities. Employers are not supposed to discriminate based on age, but they do. I also know that taking my life would be a horrible thing to do. Both kids would suffer tremendously because of it. But they are suffering because of my issues, now. I wouldn't hurt myself, but sometimes I feel as if that is the only solution to this mess. The reality is that they still want me and often need me but on their terms. When I need them, it is an imposition and everybody judges me and tells me I should back off and let them grow up. (I'm not being critical, honestly). I played both Mom and Dad to them for 13 years, since one or the other was always under my roof. I have a huge void to fill since they were the focus of my life. I would love to fill my time with things that interest me, but they cost money and right now, my time needs to be spent making money. But I'm tired of working 4 jobs. I never get a break. I don't get much sleep. I am having a dreadful time managing the stress. I will look into the low income housing and other forms of financial assistance. But, in the past, I have not qualified. While I am having a tough time making ends meet, it is more about the debt. I probably make enough to disqualify me but I cannot get caught up with myself. So, there is not much help available to me - either financially or psychologically. I do agree that our kids need us to be strong for them. For years, I hid my issues. But lately, the stress has taken its toll and even if I wanted to hide it, they would see it. When I went to my daughter's college graduation last week, I was really having a difficult time because everybody was bickering and criticizing everything. I got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore and announced that I had to get out and clear my head. I forgot to take my phone. I went for a walk, but about 30 minutes later, my son found me and just tore into me for disappearing like that. They were worried about me, I was being selfish, etc., etc. I was only trying to take a break so I could calm down before I said anything that would just exacerbate things. I couldn't even do that without them hunting me down. It's all very confusing to me. [/QUOTE]
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