Welcome Madre,
I'm glad you shared your story with us.
The natural course of life is that we raise our children, they become adults and start their own lives. We the parents are now free to focus on our own lives.
For whatever reasons this does not always happen and we struggle to understand.
You were a good, loving and devoted single mother. You devoted your life to raising your kids but in the process I think you lost who you are. We as parents are more than just little Johnny's mom and if that's all we can identify with then we have lost ourselves. I became too consumed with my son's life and the result was I got lost. I no longer did the things that brought me joy, I slowly lost my friends, I came to exist only for my son. It was not healthy for me or him.
Your children have grown into adults and while their life choices may not be what you had hoped for them, it's their life. Your son has his own place to live and a job. Your daughter graduated from college. Those are really good things. I can only dream of what that would be like as my son will most likely never graduate or have a steady job.
I understand that your living situation has become an issue but you can't rely on your children to take care of you.
I agree with the others that have suggested you apply for some housing assistance.
If you live with your son you are concerned that he will rule the roost, well, if it's his home then he has the say on what happens.
Your daughter is wanting to live and start her life with her boyfriend. She is being honest with you. I understand you are not overly fond of the boyfriend but that's her choice to make not yours.
I do not mean to sound harsh, that is not my intent. Your children are trying to separate from you and grow into their own adulthood and they should. Them separating from you does not mean that they don't love you but when our children become adults they should separate from us as this is the natural course. The dynamics of the relationship change.
I strongly encourage you to focus on your life. You have demonstrated that you are a very strong woman by raising two kids on your own. Do you have some issues, sure, we all do and each one of us can only deal with our own lives.
I cannot change my son any more than he can change me and the same is true for you.
The best thing you can do is to live your life for yourself and let your children do the same. They will respect you more.
Please let us know how things are going for you. We care about you!!
((HUGS)) to you....................
