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General Parenting
who do I choose husband or difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 343541" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>In my opinion, I think you need to be at court with your son. Mainly because it's probably the law since he's a juvenile, if he's going to be released it will be to a parent, if he's not going to be released then you will wish you had been there. If you know he's going to be released and the law allows you to have someone else there to bring him home, then I think you should go with your husband. Your husband is going to court for no fault of his own.</p><p></p><p>You didn't ask for opinions for other areas of this but I'll give you a few anyway- noting that these are just my opinions for you to consider or not as you see fit. I don't think your son is as innocent or helpless in all these situations as you do. Even though our kids are difficult child's, they are able to take more responsibility than we think many times if we step back and stop bailing them out. If your son is so unstable that he can't maintain a few week period over the course of a year without getting arrested or at least without becoming aggressive and you feel like he can't control it at 16 yo, do you think he should live in a mental instiitution? Have you thought about what it will take for him to get to a point where he can live in mainstream? I know you think he's changed, and maybe he has but I can't see what he changed from- I didn't know him a few years ago. I just read your posts saying that he got arrested again, but this wasn't his fault either, he just needs another chance to prove he won't get into trouble again. I think family therapy might help the entire family- including your husband and your relationship.</p><p></p><p>I apologize for coming across so harsh- I have nothing against you and know how hard this can be. I also know that states deal with juveniles who are in trouble very differently. It just appears to me that your son is going to keep going until the system there is going to either lock him up for a while in a detention center or Department of Juvenile Justice or they are going to send him to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or something. What services do you think he can get that will change him?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 343541, member: 3699"] In my opinion, I think you need to be at court with your son. Mainly because it's probably the law since he's a juvenile, if he's going to be released it will be to a parent, if he's not going to be released then you will wish you had been there. If you know he's going to be released and the law allows you to have someone else there to bring him home, then I think you should go with your husband. Your husband is going to court for no fault of his own. You didn't ask for opinions for other areas of this but I'll give you a few anyway- noting that these are just my opinions for you to consider or not as you see fit. I don't think your son is as innocent or helpless in all these situations as you do. Even though our kids are difficult child's, they are able to take more responsibility than we think many times if we step back and stop bailing them out. If your son is so unstable that he can't maintain a few week period over the course of a year without getting arrested or at least without becoming aggressive and you feel like he can't control it at 16 yo, do you think he should live in a mental instiitution? Have you thought about what it will take for him to get to a point where he can live in mainstream? I know you think he's changed, and maybe he has but I can't see what he changed from- I didn't know him a few years ago. I just read your posts saying that he got arrested again, but this wasn't his fault either, he just needs another chance to prove he won't get into trouble again. I think family therapy might help the entire family- including your husband and your relationship. I apologize for coming across so harsh- I have nothing against you and know how hard this can be. I also know that states deal with juveniles who are in trouble very differently. It just appears to me that your son is going to keep going until the system there is going to either lock him up for a while in a detention center or Department of Juvenile Justice or they are going to send him to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or something. What services do you think he can get that will change him? [/QUOTE]
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