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Who has come out of long term relationships
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 83047" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>My circumstances were entirely different but regardless of the</p><p>circumstances I think some universal concepts are present. The</p><p>end of a long term relationship is painful regardless of who made</p><p>the move and why. (I know nothing of abusive relationships but</p><p>probably they also are painful.) Each man and woman finds that</p><p>they have to "reinvent" themselves as a unit of one. Most often</p><p>men do not have the inclination to do this, in my humble opinion, and that is why</p><p>they try to keep the same role and just replace the partner. The</p><p>women who are most successful at transitioning avoid making any</p><p>quick choices. No quick replacement man. No quick relocation</p><p>from one neighborhood to another. No quick reinventing by using</p><p>bleach, dye, surgery, radical wardrobe change, career change etc.</p><p>It is easier, I think, when your children are small because you</p><p>must still clean house and cook meals and drive carpool etc. Lord</p><p>knows I have had too many decades of not changing that schedule.</p><p> :smile:</p><p></p><p>I have had many friends who were compelled to prove they were</p><p>still desireable, youthful, fun etc. Often they had a procession</p><p>of men. Watching others, I made a personal decision that I was</p><p>not going to share time with any man until my divorce was final</p><p>AND six months passed. I did go to friends homes for parties and</p><p>accepted invitations to cocktail parties etc. on occasion but I</p><p>never even had a cup of java alone with a man. It helped me to</p><p>become self sufficient.</p><p></p><p>Within two years after the divorce I changed careers and loved</p><p>my new choice. I began and maintained a long distance relationship that enhanced my self image but didn't interfere</p><p>with my responsibilities. Almost seven years after my divorce</p><p>I married husband. I knew myself by then. I knew him. The kids</p><p>were fine with the choice.</p><p></p><p>The secret, I strongly believe, is TIME. Take alot of time.</p><p>Being bored is not the end of the world. You can learn about</p><p>yourself during periods of boredom too. I know you are going to</p><p>end up just fine. I really believe it! Your friend, DDD</p><p></p><p>by the way, taking a college class or two would be wonderful for you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 83047, member: 35"] My circumstances were entirely different but regardless of the circumstances I think some universal concepts are present. The end of a long term relationship is painful regardless of who made the move and why. (I know nothing of abusive relationships but probably they also are painful.) Each man and woman finds that they have to "reinvent" themselves as a unit of one. Most often men do not have the inclination to do this, in my humble opinion, and that is why they try to keep the same role and just replace the partner. The women who are most successful at transitioning avoid making any quick choices. No quick replacement man. No quick relocation from one neighborhood to another. No quick reinventing by using bleach, dye, surgery, radical wardrobe change, career change etc. It is easier, I think, when your children are small because you must still clean house and cook meals and drive carpool etc. Lord knows I have had too many decades of not changing that schedule. [img]:smile:[/img] I have had many friends who were compelled to prove they were still desireable, youthful, fun etc. Often they had a procession of men. Watching others, I made a personal decision that I was not going to share time with any man until my divorce was final AND six months passed. I did go to friends homes for parties and accepted invitations to cocktail parties etc. on occasion but I never even had a cup of java alone with a man. It helped me to become self sufficient. Within two years after the divorce I changed careers and loved my new choice. I began and maintained a long distance relationship that enhanced my self image but didn't interfere with my responsibilities. Almost seven years after my divorce I married husband. I knew myself by then. I knew him. The kids were fine with the choice. The secret, I strongly believe, is TIME. Take alot of time. Being bored is not the end of the world. You can learn about yourself during periods of boredom too. I know you are going to end up just fine. I really believe it! Your friend, DDD by the way, taking a college class or two would be wonderful for you! [/QUOTE]
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