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Who has come out of long term relationships
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 83256" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>Karen, I was in a horrible marriage for twenty years, divorced now for eleven years. And I can honestly say that the only thing I regret about the divorce was that it didnt come years sooner! I was another one who thought they were doing what they should be doing by sacrificing themselves to stay in the marriage for the kids. He was AWFUL! He was an abusive, habitual functional alcoholic, meaning he could still get up and go to work every day, but thats about all. He was cruel, manipulating, an accomplished liar, and totally irresponsible with money. He could go into a blind rage at the drop of a hat and blamed ME for all the problems in our marriage! Finally, <em>HE</em> left <em>US</em>, for another woman who was the original Good time that was had by all!</p><p></p><p>Those first few weeks I went through it all I felt anger, betrayal, confusion, humiliation, embarrassment, and fear about my financial condition with two kids still at home. But I didnt miss him and his chaos and certainly wasnt sad that he was gone! In fact, the very first thing that I noticed was how very peaceful the house was with him gone and how much more relaxed and calm the kids and I were now. And it was in that peaceful atmosphere that I was finally able to think clearly and make plans for the future. That's when I "turned the corner". The kids and I started doing things and going places that we never were able to before. Never realized before how much he had dragged the rest of us down and held us back until he was gone!</p><p></p><p>In a few more years the kids had gone their own way and Ive lived by myself for several years now. I miss the kids being here but I can honestly say that Ive never been happier! After all those years of being chained to a loose cannon, I finally have things under control and the anxiety is gone. For the first time in my life, I do what I want to, when I want to. I spend MY money as I see fit. It certainly wasnt easy. I dont have a lot but I have everything I need and my bills are paid. My little house is exactly the way I want it and if I have a few extra dollars, I buy something that makes <em>ME</em> happy!</p><p></p><p>I was fifty when we divorced and Im 61 now. Had I been younger when all this happened, I may have been open to another relationship, and I would never say never, but I honestly dont want one, and am very happy the way I am. I dont think I could ever trust anyone again and make myself vulnerable to all that hurt and pain again. And I certainly dont want companionship enough to have to make all those sacrifices and do all that compromising that a relationship requires. I spent the whole first fifty years of my life sacrificing and compromising for everyone else and received nothing in return. I think fifty years was long enough. Alone is not necessarily lonely. Not for everybody, but I like it that way. I finally feel like a full-fledged "person" in my own right, like I really do matter! I work full time and stay busy, and eleven years later, Im still wallowing in the peace and quiet! I do occasionally have a twinge of jealously when I see friends my age with good stable marriages and no financial struggles. But when I think how far Ive come and how much Ive grown as a person in the last eleven years, Im kind of proud of ME!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 83256, member: 1883"] Karen, I was in a horrible marriage for twenty years, divorced now for eleven years. And I can honestly say that the only thing I regret about the divorce was that it didnt come years sooner! I was another one who thought they were doing what they should be doing by sacrificing themselves to stay in the marriage for the kids. He was AWFUL! He was an abusive, habitual functional alcoholic, meaning he could still get up and go to work every day, but thats about all. He was cruel, manipulating, an accomplished liar, and totally irresponsible with money. He could go into a blind rage at the drop of a hat and blamed ME for all the problems in our marriage! Finally, [i]HE[/i] left [i]US[/i], for another woman who was the original Good time that was had by all! Those first few weeks I went through it all I felt anger, betrayal, confusion, humiliation, embarrassment, and fear about my financial condition with two kids still at home. But I didnt miss him and his chaos and certainly wasnt sad that he was gone! In fact, the very first thing that I noticed was how very peaceful the house was with him gone and how much more relaxed and calm the kids and I were now. And it was in that peaceful atmosphere that I was finally able to think clearly and make plans for the future. That's when I "turned the corner". The kids and I started doing things and going places that we never were able to before. Never realized before how much he had dragged the rest of us down and held us back until he was gone! In a few more years the kids had gone their own way and Ive lived by myself for several years now. I miss the kids being here but I can honestly say that Ive never been happier! After all those years of being chained to a loose cannon, I finally have things under control and the anxiety is gone. For the first time in my life, I do what I want to, when I want to. I spend MY money as I see fit. It certainly wasnt easy. I dont have a lot but I have everything I need and my bills are paid. My little house is exactly the way I want it and if I have a few extra dollars, I buy something that makes [i]ME[/i] happy! I was fifty when we divorced and Im 61 now. Had I been younger when all this happened, I may have been open to another relationship, and I would never say never, but I honestly dont want one, and am very happy the way I am. I dont think I could ever trust anyone again and make myself vulnerable to all that hurt and pain again. And I certainly dont want companionship enough to have to make all those sacrifices and do all that compromising that a relationship requires. I spent the whole first fifty years of my life sacrificing and compromising for everyone else and received nothing in return. I think fifty years was long enough. Alone is not necessarily lonely. Not for everybody, but I like it that way. I finally feel like a full-fledged "person" in my own right, like I really do matter! I work full time and stay busy, and eleven years later, Im still wallowing in the peace and quiet! I do occasionally have a twinge of jealously when I see friends my age with good stable marriages and no financial struggles. But when I think how far Ive come and how much Ive grown as a person in the last eleven years, Im kind of proud of ME! [/QUOTE]
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