Whoooosh! And here they come!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Oct 8, 2010.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    A couple of days ago K mailed me and asked if she sent 130.00 western union if her dad and I could come there and pick them up. She said the small jobs they had her husband doing at the shelter have run out and was worried about being able to scrape up anymore money to get here and be able to pay for a motel until they could get into the shelter.

    I told her honestly that her dad's car is basically junk. And that mine is so old that I'd be scared to death to attempt to drive it that far. (true) So she asked if I'd call the bus station and ask how much it would be for the 5 of them to make the trip. On a night bus during the week it's 192.00. :tongue: So I gave the info to her reminding her that she had to plan to having to stay in the motel until a spot at the shelter opens up because i have no way of knowing if they are full.

    Now here is the weird part. The bus has a transfer in dayton. If they got off there picking them up would be much simpler. But a ticket going to dayton costs 50 bucks more. wth?? The bus goes to dayton anyway, so why on earth would it cost more? Doesn't even make sense but we checked it out several times.

    So K writes back she's going to go to travelers aid today and ask for help. The hitch with them is that she has to have someone vouch that they have somewhere to stay once they get here. So she asked if I would, saying she'd understand if I didn't feel comfortable lying about them going to stay here. I told her since there aren't homeless police I figured I could do that much for her.

    And c'mon, that gives them 192.00 more dollars to stay longer in the motel if needed. The more money they have for that the better. Cuz they're not staying here.

    So.......I called the motel that is a few blocks from us. Not the greatest place, sort of went downhill when they found a murdered body in there a yr or so ago. Small town people are a bit traumatized by such things. lol But it's cheaper than the others at 42 bucks a nite. They won't look at them and go omg you're not staying here.........they're used to homeless staying there for a few days at a shot. I'm relieved this place is still open, I was scared they'd closed down and no way could the kids afford the other motels in town. They might have been able to stay in those 2 nites then poof nowhere to go.:surprise: Last thing we want.

    Also told her again that our shelter requires a phone interview. (hmm how many homeless have phones I wonder? ) It then requires an inperson invterview. If accepted the 1st 48 hrs they won't have much time to even think cuz they start immediately getting resumes done and starting on job hunts, welfare and any other social services they can qualify for.....so the 1st days will be a whirlwind with them working their tails off.

    She said the shelter there would only feed them if she handed over her foodstamp card and pin number allowing them to take a certain amt for food. Now I've not clue if this is true or not but it's illegal as hades don't care if their reason is sound or not. No one is to use a foodstamp card except the person it is issued to, period. Told her to tell them to go stuff themselves and if they ask again to turn them into welfare. Because she can get into trouble for letting them do it. Only reason this sort of rings true is that when the kids and I stayed months in a shelter we had to do the same. Donations are not what people believe, they're nearly non existent unless it's xmas time when people are feeling giving. I had to donate my wic coupons (got the food and gave it to them) and buy a certain amt of bulk type foods to help feed the clients as did anyone else getting aide or who had a job. They didn't take it all, but it was no small chunk either. And if we didn't we wouldn't have eaten. Not their fault, their funds were barely covering utilities ect.

    K said in her mail that she wants to come on the weekend so by monday morning she can contact the shelter and also have her fanny at welfare to see if they can get any emergency funds. The WHOOSH part comes in that I think it's THIS weekend and not one of us were prepared for it to be that fast. Nichole just moved to dayton. I've got the teeth thing going on.....and still trying to figure out why after day 3 it starts hurting like holy hades when this time I've been uber careful not to lift a finger........and easy child starts back to work.

    I asked her in my response to plz calrify as we do need to organize transportation from the bus station. 5 people aren't going to fit in just 1 car, not when Evan still requires a car seat. What she doesn't know is that Nichole and boyfriend plan on coming down here this weekend anyway to get some of the small stuff that didn't fit in the truck load. So while for me it's much too fast........in a way at least nichole won't be making a special trip if it's this weekend. Nichole said she'd have aubrey stay at boyfriend's parent's and we'll use her carseat. I think she's working on boyfriend doing the cincy driving, she's not driven much there and it scares her. And the station is right off the interstate......so yeah.

    Everything happens for a reason. Everything.

    Our yard sale went well but there were lots of stuff let over that were going to goodwill. Nichole and I haven't had a chance to get them there yet between the moving and doctor appoints for each of us. I'd snatched out clothes of Darrins that might fit Evan. I have no clue what sizes either K or her husband wear but there are both men's and womens clothing they can see if any of it will fit. If they want work they'll have to have something decent to wear. I wouldn't let Nichole toss out or sell the sleepaway couch given to her by boyfriend's parent when they moved into the apartment, nor the end tables and coffee tables I'd given her. And I have yet another couch in my family room I'd bought 2nd hand several years back for 50 bucks. There are even some toys. And lots of odds and end things.

    So I'll let K go through that stuff before we take it to goodwill. No skin off our noses if she has it, we were giving it away anyway. I may let them have the 50 buck used couch.......but have yet decided on that. Not the end tables though, I want them for the family room.

    When I missed the lunch with Star.........I was so down about it that husband tried to take me to the antique shops in a town near where I was to meet Step. I like to shop them to buy dress up clothes, used to do it for my girls and now doing it for aubrey. All the shops were closed. BUT we did find a super nice thrift store with clothes, household goods, and even new furniture ect. Never had a clue it was there. So now there will be goodwill and this thrift store they can shop for household items at super cheap.

    K said at the end of her mail that her husband was so very grateful for our help that he told her to tell me that if there was anything at all he could do for me he'd be thrilled to do it. Yeah, guess we'll see about that. The 1 time I did meet him he seemed like a really nice guy......and even had manners......but I know abusers rarely look the part. And there is that x rated picture I can't get out of my stupid head everytime I think of him.:sick:

    Both he and K said they will do whatever it takes, work any job they can find, 2 if necessary to turn their lives around. I'm an eternal pessimist. I'll believe it when I see it happen.

    Since my fb post.........and the one here........husband has been acting like a new person. He has pampered me since I got the rest of the upper teeth pulled. He swears he's been saving back money for my state boards. (I'll believe that when i see it too) He's taken great pains to be helpful with the grown kids and sweet to the grandkids. He didn't blow a gasket (which would've been normal) when I told him last nite what is happening with K. Instead he told me to give her his cell number because our internet/cable has been acting up cutting in and out and he was afraid we'd miss the travelers aid call. He is the one who said we'd go pick them up. He has been helping me clean. Probably won't last long but it is helping my stress levels tons.

    My biggest worry is that they won't be able to get into the shelter. Honestly, I'm scared to death they won't be able to. Cold weather causes homeless to swarm the shelters.

    So.......huh. Even while writing this post husband and just had a long talk. After 27 yrs husband knows me well. I told him my biggest fear about them not being able to get into the shelter. The weather is turning cold.......and winter isn't far off, but it will be cold in a few short weeks. Unless both K and her husband land a job almost immediately, they won't be able to afford the motel for long.

    Now we know how I am. Family helps family. You never turn your back on a family member in need. That is ingrained in every cell in my body. So husband and I made a plan. As you know I also plan for any possible senerio I can think of beforehand. IF K can't get into a shelter and IF they run out of cash before they can get jobs..........they will be told they can stay in my family room. It won't be the lap of luxury. The room is unheated. But they'll have a roof over their heads. The couch Nichole gave me has a pull out double bed. I'd not have too much trouble making up pallets for the kids. Food......well since we're poorer than dirt ourselves we could probably get emergency food stamps to help with that since the household would suddenly jump to 8 with only a monthly income of about 1500.00 (if that). And since menopause has made me not in the least hesitant to speak my mind........they will be pushed hard, maybe even harder than the shelter would, to find work and get into our HUD apartments. I did it with K the 1st time (she only stayed with us those months because she was having preg issues). The moment those issues had passed I had her in her own place within a week.

    Believe me, staying in my family room won't be the least bit cushy, they'll still be motivated to get their own place. And I'm quite practiced at being a class A b*tch when the situation calls for it.

    But the hitch of that situation: They will NOT be told that we would do that if needed. It will not even be hinted that it is a possibility. Even easy child, Travis, or Nichole won't know. Because that will only come into play if the situation becomes desperate.

    Soooooooooo. There it is.

    I suspect, though, that K has not been in the shelter in st louis for some time, maybe a week or 2. Mom's instinct and a few little clues. Like they won't allow them to use the phone at all...........um so how would anyone get a job? Her desperation comes across loud and clear in the mail. Not so much that she said anything.......just I'm good about reading between the lines. She is also scared to death for her and the kids. Her husband is coming.......but she told me that since this months of being homeless things are not the same between them. She's not sure that even if they move here and everything turns out great if she's going to want to stay with him.

    So I wonder if at least part of this is a way for her to get rid of him. Maybe she's wising up. She knows about me and her dad........she knows that unless he does an abrupt about face and it stays that way he's gone. Who knows, maybe she's thinking the same with her husband. A mother can hope. But she's been with him for 18 yrs and we all know the longer you've been with a person the harder it can be to just walk away.

    So for now that is the update. husband is busy cleaning. I'm going to do some laundry but on the whole am trying not to do so much as oddly it makes my mouth hurt terribly.

    Pray these kids get into a shelter right away please. That is our 1st goal.

    And if you made it this far, thanks for reading. It's a way for me to sort my thoughts as much as an update.
  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    If they move, in put them to work cleaning and organizing your house. It will solve two problems.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    LMAO Fran that was the 1st thing that came to mind when K said her husband would do anything I asked for being so kind. Man he hasn't got a clue of the yard work I need done. :devil:

    There is already a hitch in plans. K called not long after I posted. She'd found someone kind enough to let her borrow their cell for a 10 min call because she couldn't make it to the library before it closed to mail me back. She wanted to come tues but I said no way, dentist appoint that day. So she wants to come wed.....but Nichole is too scared to drive cincy inner city interstate......ha! so am I. lol don't blame her. She had just talked boyfriend into driving on the weekend. So I'm going to try to hold K off until then, otherwise there will be a huge transportation issue.

    On the phone she said they're still in the shelter. But she has no food stamps as the place took her card when she arrived, demanded she give them her pin number and she hasn't seen it since. Plus the kids had to pay them some cash to stay there too.....I don't think it was a lot but when you don't have squat 10 bucks is a lot, especially when you're trying to save to get out of the place.

    Now I have no way of knowing the truth of that. I know it does have a ring of truth to it. But if this has been what has been going on........on top of keeping them tied up in church services all day.....it's no wonder they've been stuck. I'm thinking someone is taking advantage.......and it makes me madder still that this shelter is "churched" based. K's husband was saying he'd told her all along it was illegal and she could get into trouble but she was so afraid they'd kick them out that she went along with it. Yup. Illegal. Even I'm not allowed to use Nichole's foodstamp card.:mad: So I told k that right before they leave she is to demand to have her card back and then to call welfare and report the shelter for welfare fraud. K gets more than 800.00 a month in food stamps. She hasn't seen any of it since last June or so. And K said that even though she'd handed over her card they were barely eating..... They do this to anyone who has foodstamps.......and I'm sorry but that's alot of money and NOT intended to feed everyone in the shelter.:mad:

    I'm a firm believer in there ain't no such thing as a free lunch, but you do have to make it possible for them to progress out of the shelter situation. Isn't that supposed to be the goal? Even if they didn't charge them a small fee to be there.........how did they expect K to feed the kids once they moved since they'd used up her foodstamp card?

    Sorry sounds more like a scam to me than a real shelter. The one I stayed at we had to help out sure. We'd use our wic coupons for milk cheese ect because the coupons would expire pretty fast anyway so why waste them? Women with infants were told not to share formula and the infant foods. I'd go out and use about 1/3 to 1/2 of my foodstamps (most of the others did too) to help stock the kitchen.......but the rest I held back to save until I moved out. K isn't even being given that opportunity.

    Oh well. Plans are in place. I'm going to push hard for the weekend. Guess we'll see.
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like you are as prepared as you can be for this ... I pray it all goes as well as it can, under (all the) circumstances!

    The shelter taking the food stamp card is crooked as can be... they put Nichole in a heck of a position there. They are taking advantage not only of the people they are "helping," but the system as well. Might be worth an anonymous call to the fraud line/DSS.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Nichole has a new apart in dayton. K is the one who is homeless. ;)

    Anyhoo.....not heard a peep out of K since that phone call. I certainly hope she does what I told her and contacts me before buying those bus tickets because she was talking wed last I heard. If she boards that bus on wed she's gonna have a long long wait at the bus station as we can't pick them up until sat at the earliest.

    While I realize it's not easy for them to get around in a large city.........the library is certainly open on sat and she should have gone and contacted me via the plans. Haven't heard from her today either. Although today is a holiday so library may be closed. She'd better contact me tomorrow. grrrrr. You just don't mess around when such plans need to be made and someone is being kind enough to drive 2 hrs out of their way to pick your family up. (there and back) and Nichole is going to be driving even further.
  6. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I hope all goes well. Sounds like a lot of stress - if they do end up at your place, I second the idea of having them work around the house and yard! :) And I also think someone should call and report that shelter re the foodstamp issue.
  7. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    gah.. that's what I get for trying to read/post in between work stuff :)
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Actually I have heard of some shelters taking part of peoples food stamps...but that was years ago when they used paper stamps. Its been so long since I have been working and I dont think we have a shelter in my county anymore so we didnt keep up on those rules. I could probably find them online somewhere. They have to be federal. The food stamp program is a federally run program. I think it was DV shelters that used the stamps though to help with food costs. Like I said, its been a long time since I read the manual. (95...lol)