Why am I NOT getting this?

[Copabanana]

BG, I echo everybody else.

How could we not feel pain and worry sometimes? And sadness for what could have been? And sorry for ourselves too, that our dreams did not materialize? I think we all feel these things sometimes.

The goal is to live well, be contented and happy, if we can, to make our own lives as good and rich as they can be. We are doing it. All of us. You have come a long way.

Try to not be so hard on yourself. You are doing it. Have a really nice Holiday Season. It is good to hear from you.

COPA

 

[Feeling Sad]

BG, I totally understand why you "don't get it".

You mentioned that your son heard voices and went to a hospital. He then checked himself out later.

My son is very severe with full blown schizophrenia. He hears voices. I had to file a restraining order because he held a jagged bottle to my throat and then weeks later argued with his voices about not wanting to kill me.

My point is this. I feel when our adult children hear voices or have any delusional thought processes, it is much more difficult to not worry. Do they possess free will? Or rather, are they misguided by these voices or delusional thoughts?

I still have made the only choice possible. Yes, I worry....a lot. But, I could never have him back home. I have a younger son to keep safe...as well as myself.

So, I am helpless to help him. I now realize, that I was also HELPLESS TO HELP HIM while he lived under my roof.

But, BG, you do have a special blessing over my situation. He calls you.

Yes, he tells you that he is cold or not eating. Yes, it is horrible to hear.

But, he CALLS you. You get to hear your child's voice. That is your gift. It is a true gift.

We all had dreams for our children. Who would have thought that even after relinquishing all of my dreams, one by one, for my gifted son, that I would do anything for that simple, yet very special gift....to hear my son's voice.

I have not heard his voice for 6 months. I have had no contact. I have 4 1/2 years left of no contact per the dictates of the restraining order. I greatly fear that I will never see him or hear from him ever again.

These days...we have to cherish things that 'normal' parents would find foreign...even unbelievable. They have wonderful things to cherish. But, our lives are what they are. We hold on tight to whatever gifts we are given.

Hold onto the gift and cherish it. You have contact.

 

[Copabanana]

I now realize, that I was also HELPLESS TO HELP HIM while he lived under my roof.

This is important to realize. All of us have to or have had to come to this.

Hold onto the gift and cherish it. You have contact.

But it comes down to the same thing for all of us. We have to learn to live for us, regardless of the circumstances we are in.

COPA