hi so i was sitting here thinking what's up with me? I have had difficult child on drugs in the past, did the all nighter to watch her first night on them and see how she does, sent her to school after i knew she tolerated it, etc. yet now i find myself in a much different place than before. I went to dr tonight we spoke and he was happy to hear that she was not only playing violin that she was also in theatre group and she had just joined student council. I also told him how the herbal mix i came up wtih and the Occupational Therapist (OT) brushing was working at night to get her down, then i said well she's still pulling the nurse 2 to 3 times a day various somatic complaints, etc. she's got alot of social anxiety. she goes to these things yet she doesnt' talk to anyone. so he suggested klonipin and i said no because it's addicting i like medications i can pull right away if needed and klonipin you can't once it's been given for a while. than we talked about seroquel. i said look if we can't address the anxiety issues through the ssri's, or the benzo's let's go with the off label usage as someone had suggested here and let's use seroquel it's known to combat anxiety issues. so there we go he's my prescription pad i could ask for anything and the guy would write it. so i walked out with 25mg of it to fill. than my mind started to go and think. i thought ok if i've seen improvement already with creating outlet's, i'm going to eventually see improvement with therapy long term weekly therapy. yet i'm stuck i don't want to give her a drug tha'Tourette's Syndrome going to change her chemical make up in her brain i simply do not want to do it. i know there are going to be responses stating i'm making her life harder, etc. yet at the end of the day i've purposely created things for her to assist her and to grow and it's working partially yet i can't get ok with a kid taking a drug like this. yet logically speaking i had her on it once before yet the weight gain was too severe. what right do i have to pop her on a harmful drug because she isn't talking to kids and sh'es inward and shy, that when she does place herself into situations ie student council meeting her heart beats and she wishes she could get out. school says they think part of it isn't the anxiety she just wants out of class. i know the anxiety is there trust me i do. yet am i making a sound decisoin right now to pop her on a a typical drug?? i'm just hitting a brick wall with myself for some strange reason and i don't know why, i really don't. i'm just rambling and not sure what's up with me that i cna't just fill it. maybe because i see the herbal stuff working at night, maybe because i see improvement in certain areas i look for anything to show improvement by the way. it can be the smallest thing yet it's improvement. let's face it she's not sitting in the corner of the room shaking all day she's in it pushing fighting to make it work she really is she's soo so stubborn. ok thanks for letting me ramble on relentlessly........ so any ideas why i'm hitting this roadblock?