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Why did I think this time would be different? Restraining order ready to go...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 141591" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Vicky, </p><p> </p><p>Huge hugs for you. I can tell you that I know what you mean about how it feels good. It's like someone who has suffered passed, and while you are sad about not seeing them - you're happy that you're not going to be in pain over that person any longer. I had the same feelings with Dude. </p><p> </p><p>We (husband and I) got to a point that we were going to be divorced before we ever got married. And then it hit me like a ton of brick - Dude at this point would say "OH gosh mom I'm sorry about you and Dad" and then trah lah lah on his merry way maybe even 10 seconds out of site be calling someone, or email someone for HIS day and HIS life and HIS needs, and HIS cares - and I'd be sitting there in that house unable to do all the bills ALL ALONE. I'd loose my home, I'd loose my sanity- I'd loose the love of my life, and maybe even my life due to severe depression and WHERE would Dude fit into this? - He wouldn't - he'd be off living his life on his terms, his way with his own gratifications. I truly felt at that point in my life with my son that should I die tomorrow - he'd find someone to replace me before I was cold in the ground - someone that would provide things he needed. </p><p> </p><p>And that was my snapping point because I knew in my head I was not wrong. I KNEW I was not feeling sorry for myself. History had told me over and over that this was going to be a reality. Did I really want to endure it .........again? </p><p> </p><p>In a way I felt a twinge of guilt. I felt for a moment if I had done a better job things would not be like this, and then I sat and asked myself WHAT could I possibly have done better? I did the best I could every time I made a decision - Ever time I allowed him to go to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), everytime I allowed a new therapist. I went out of my way to be forgiving - (thinking Mother Teresa must think I'm a saint) for the times and behaviors I've overlooked. The things in life I gave up to make a better life for my son.....and now? At 17 1/2? Almost 18 - what more could I do - how much more would I allow him to hurt me was the bigger question. </p><p> </p><p>And - that's when I decided - I was done. Until things dramatically change and I'm treated with the respect I deserve - I stepped out of his picture. And you know what - whether he'd ever admit that to me or DF - he had to admit it to himself. </p><p> </p><p>He's still Dude - but today I demand respect and I KNOW how to not engage him in a who what where when why conversation - and I'm alot better at saying my new favorite word to him .....Ummm hmm. Or Ohhhh. </p><p> </p><p>Congratulations of sorts - Mixed blessings here from me. </p><p> </p><p>Just tell yourself this MAY BE the BEST THING you have EVER EVER done for you or your son and stick with it! </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 141591, member: 4964"] Vicky, Huge hugs for you. I can tell you that I know what you mean about how it feels good. It's like someone who has suffered passed, and while you are sad about not seeing them - you're happy that you're not going to be in pain over that person any longer. I had the same feelings with Dude. We (husband and I) got to a point that we were going to be divorced before we ever got married. And then it hit me like a ton of brick - Dude at this point would say "OH gosh mom I'm sorry about you and Dad" and then trah lah lah on his merry way maybe even 10 seconds out of site be calling someone, or email someone for HIS day and HIS life and HIS needs, and HIS cares - and I'd be sitting there in that house unable to do all the bills ALL ALONE. I'd loose my home, I'd loose my sanity- I'd loose the love of my life, and maybe even my life due to severe depression and WHERE would Dude fit into this? - He wouldn't - he'd be off living his life on his terms, his way with his own gratifications. I truly felt at that point in my life with my son that should I die tomorrow - he'd find someone to replace me before I was cold in the ground - someone that would provide things he needed. And that was my snapping point because I knew in my head I was not wrong. I KNEW I was not feeling sorry for myself. History had told me over and over that this was going to be a reality. Did I really want to endure it .........again? In a way I felt a twinge of guilt. I felt for a moment if I had done a better job things would not be like this, and then I sat and asked myself WHAT could I possibly have done better? I did the best I could every time I made a decision - Ever time I allowed him to go to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), everytime I allowed a new therapist. I went out of my way to be forgiving - (thinking Mother Teresa must think I'm a saint) for the times and behaviors I've overlooked. The things in life I gave up to make a better life for my son.....and now? At 17 1/2? Almost 18 - what more could I do - how much more would I allow him to hurt me was the bigger question. And - that's when I decided - I was done. Until things dramatically change and I'm treated with the respect I deserve - I stepped out of his picture. And you know what - whether he'd ever admit that to me or DF - he had to admit it to himself. He's still Dude - but today I demand respect and I KNOW how to not engage him in a who what where when why conversation - and I'm alot better at saying my new favorite word to him .....Ummm hmm. Or Ohhhh. Congratulations of sorts - Mixed blessings here from me. Just tell yourself this MAY BE the BEST THING you have EVER EVER done for you or your son and stick with it! Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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Why did I think this time would be different? Restraining order ready to go...
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