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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 241248" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>Good job! "you don't trust me" </p><p></p><p>The house rules are known to you and you do not follow the rules. That shows lack of accountablity ie 'trustworthiness'</p><p></p><p>Until a child is 18, and while anyone is living under ones roof the rules you require are "the law".</p><p>While a person is your liability issue then you, Mom, are responcible for their behavior. Right? So go ahead and link the dots.</p><p>No privileges, an early curfew when the rules have been written down by your son.</p><p>ANd every single thing he wants to do he has to ask you first.</p><p>Why? Because teens do not think through their whims...that is why. THe question why is mechanical...it is about the way something works...as parents teens are required to think about what they are intending to do, ask permission, say where they are going and with whom, who is supervising, and when they will leave to come home. Stops along the way.</p><p>Why? so that they ARE thinking through what they are doing. Also so that if something happens you know where he is, what he is doing , who he is with. and when he leaves point a to go to point b befor he comes home if he gets in a wreck you can start looking for him off the side of the right road!</p><p></p><p>The want their freedom...that is good,,,that will motivate the youth to do the things they do ulitmately need to do to be self supporting and self aware enough to be safe. And until they are doing that under your guidance they will be using their time in at minimum a safe productive manner, Occupational Therapist (OT) at least safe.</p><p></p><p>Oh, and although discussing these fine points of his maturation with you is important such converstions need to be done at your discretion. He has to be the person who is receptive.</p><p>I held off on any discussion of restoring priviledges until after the rules were clearly understood by him. He has to write them down, and he has to show he 'gets it"</p><p>He has to cooperate, be submissive and respectfull. He has to copperate with his own grounding. </p><p>Then when you are satisfied he is doing his part then explain that you are well aware that you are finally at the short end of the parental joyride. ANd you are not willing to have him dwindle anymore of your resourses or time on his own amusements. You do not have to pay for it. ANd you do not have to tolerate his immaturity and lack of respect or be the model he uses to ruin relationships in his future.</p><p>Work him. Push him to do his part and more than his part. That is what adults do.</p><p>He feels ready then all the chores and complete adherance to the rules, curfew and good grades. </p><p>I told my son he could stay grounded until age 18. I do not have to suffer and pay to suffer because he wants to be abusive, by breaking rules and bad behavior.</p><p>ANy infraction after he is off restriction and he is on it full time and that is that.</p><p>outof parental control is something that a judge can go over with him in a courtroom.</p><p>oh and link your rules as ways he learns to respect the rules that he will incounter in relationships after yours:employers, landlord, roommates, schools, dorms, jail.</p><p>and interpersonal skills:girlfriend, her parents, teachers, professors, employers,cops.</p><p>Hope the struggle you incounter with him bares fruit. That you immerge on best terms and the effort is so worth it to you. It worked for me and after the second that I really did get my Parental Authority demeanor on and just did not waver it was a done deal. </p><p>A couple days into it my son actually pointed out when I did waver. I asked him when what has to be is a direction.</p><p>Direct. The exit door is ready, the sign is lit up and the final act is alot of work too.</p><p>This is the finall preperation..it could be over soon and it maybe you will be in a workable relationship to get him launched in his education and career path befor he is out that door and you can take down the light over it, put something more ornamental.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 241248, member: 6271"] Good job! "you don't trust me" The house rules are known to you and you do not follow the rules. That shows lack of accountablity ie 'trustworthiness' Until a child is 18, and while anyone is living under ones roof the rules you require are "the law". While a person is your liability issue then you, Mom, are responcible for their behavior. Right? So go ahead and link the dots. No privileges, an early curfew when the rules have been written down by your son. ANd every single thing he wants to do he has to ask you first. Why? Because teens do not think through their whims...that is why. THe question why is mechanical...it is about the way something works...as parents teens are required to think about what they are intending to do, ask permission, say where they are going and with whom, who is supervising, and when they will leave to come home. Stops along the way. Why? so that they ARE thinking through what they are doing. Also so that if something happens you know where he is, what he is doing , who he is with. and when he leaves point a to go to point b befor he comes home if he gets in a wreck you can start looking for him off the side of the right road! The want their freedom...that is good,,,that will motivate the youth to do the things they do ulitmately need to do to be self supporting and self aware enough to be safe. And until they are doing that under your guidance they will be using their time in at minimum a safe productive manner, Occupational Therapist (OT) at least safe. Oh, and although discussing these fine points of his maturation with you is important such converstions need to be done at your discretion. He has to be the person who is receptive. I held off on any discussion of restoring priviledges until after the rules were clearly understood by him. He has to write them down, and he has to show he 'gets it" He has to cooperate, be submissive and respectfull. He has to copperate with his own grounding. Then when you are satisfied he is doing his part then explain that you are well aware that you are finally at the short end of the parental joyride. ANd you are not willing to have him dwindle anymore of your resourses or time on his own amusements. You do not have to pay for it. ANd you do not have to tolerate his immaturity and lack of respect or be the model he uses to ruin relationships in his future. Work him. Push him to do his part and more than his part. That is what adults do. He feels ready then all the chores and complete adherance to the rules, curfew and good grades. I told my son he could stay grounded until age 18. I do not have to suffer and pay to suffer because he wants to be abusive, by breaking rules and bad behavior. ANy infraction after he is off restriction and he is on it full time and that is that. outof parental control is something that a judge can go over with him in a courtroom. oh and link your rules as ways he learns to respect the rules that he will incounter in relationships after yours:employers, landlord, roommates, schools, dorms, jail. and interpersonal skills:girlfriend, her parents, teachers, professors, employers,cops. Hope the struggle you incounter with him bares fruit. That you immerge on best terms and the effort is so worth it to you. It worked for me and after the second that I really did get my Parental Authority demeanor on and just did not waver it was a done deal. A couple days into it my son actually pointed out when I did waver. I asked him when what has to be is a direction. Direct. The exit door is ready, the sign is lit up and the final act is alot of work too. This is the finall preperation..it could be over soon and it maybe you will be in a workable relationship to get him launched in his education and career path befor he is out that door and you can take down the light over it, put something more ornamental. [/QUOTE]
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