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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Why do I let myself hope, just to be disappointed?
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 615883" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>My husband has handled today much better than I have. Mostly because he has given up. He didn't expect anything, or worse, expected that my son would give us a gift and it would be a DVD or something he himself had stolen from us to begin with. He also doesn't think there's anything harder than pot, or the synthetic, at work here. I no longer know and I'm too tired to care. Which of course isn't true. The one and only thing I find myself capable of caring about right now is the fact that my only child does not love me. I don't know, maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. It feels like he doesn't and that tears my heart out. I'm so tired. He couldn't get his car started. Right now my husband is trying to jump his car so he'll go. He ended up eating dinner, in his room of course, not with us and an hour after we were done, and is finally going. I wanted him to go hours ago. Waiting has been worse than the fact that he wants to be gone. I hate myself for wishing he had never come home. I hate myself for wishing he was just someone else. I'm tired of hurting. This has turned into a stream of consciousness and I'm sorry. I'm tired and I want this awful day to end. </p><p></p><p>And now he isn't going. He's just driving around to charge his battery because after three hours of BS he says it's too late. I wish he was going and staying gone. I wish he wanted to stay and be my son again. </p><p></p><p>My husband has been so good to me today. He keeps giving me hugs. I keep crying every time he does.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 615883, member: 17309"] My husband has handled today much better than I have. Mostly because he has given up. He didn't expect anything, or worse, expected that my son would give us a gift and it would be a DVD or something he himself had stolen from us to begin with. He also doesn't think there's anything harder than pot, or the synthetic, at work here. I no longer know and I'm too tired to care. Which of course isn't true. The one and only thing I find myself capable of caring about right now is the fact that my only child does not love me. I don't know, maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. It feels like he doesn't and that tears my heart out. I'm so tired. He couldn't get his car started. Right now my husband is trying to jump his car so he'll go. He ended up eating dinner, in his room of course, not with us and an hour after we were done, and is finally going. I wanted him to go hours ago. Waiting has been worse than the fact that he wants to be gone. I hate myself for wishing he had never come home. I hate myself for wishing he was just someone else. I'm tired of hurting. This has turned into a stream of consciousness and I'm sorry. I'm tired and I want this awful day to end. And now he isn't going. He's just driving around to charge his battery because after three hours of BS he says it's too late. I wish he was going and staying gone. I wish he wanted to stay and be my son again. My husband has been so good to me today. He keeps giving me hugs. I keep crying every time he does. [/QUOTE]
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Why do I let myself hope, just to be disappointed?
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