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Why is it such a hard concept?
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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 404348" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>I agree with everything that's been said.</p><p> </p><p>I do want to add, from a step-parent's point of view... We also are looked upon as responsible for behavior, yet we have absolutely no legal rights. Even to take one of the kids to the doctor, I must present a copy of the POA that husband made for me. Now, when I pick them up from school, no worries 'cause I share their last name - even though the schools <em>know</em> there is a divorce. But since I use their insurance card that is under their <em>stepfather's name</em>, ... Now extrapolate that into the real world. At one point, I called the cops on Onyxx. husband was waffly, but he stood firm when they arrived. They asked me what I wanted. I told them flat out I did not want her in my home. They then asked the magic question - can she go to her mother's? husband said no... And gave a brief explanation why... So they released her <em>back to us</em>. I have no say. (In fact, husband wasn't on the same page at that time...) I take her to court because husband cannot get there - still, no say. I <em>go to court</em> as the victim - and have <em>no say</em>. WHAT?!</p><p> </p><p>I <em>know</em> Onyxx needs help. I <em>know in my heart</em>, in my Mommy gut, that she needs FAR MORE HELP than she is getting. But my hands are tied.</p><p> </p><p>Susie... I never considered going to a DV place for help, after I called the county DV department regarding a CPO - just for me - against BM (at the time she was harassing me in person and on the phone). She told me, "You knew what you were getting into when you married him." (Um, actually, it's a half-joke between me and husband that if I <em>had</em> known, I'd have run screaming!)</p><p> </p><p>But all of you are correct - if our husband was the abuser, take the kids and leave - and to be honest, I say this the way I do because if men are abused, they're expected to hoover it up and be a man - but when a child is abusive, all we have is the "unruly" designation - and really? That's bovine manure. And we all know it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 404348, member: 6705"] I agree with everything that's been said. I do want to add, from a step-parent's point of view... We also are looked upon as responsible for behavior, yet we have absolutely no legal rights. Even to take one of the kids to the doctor, I must present a copy of the POA that husband made for me. Now, when I pick them up from school, no worries 'cause I share their last name - even though the schools [I]know[/I] there is a divorce. But since I use their insurance card that is under their [I]stepfather's name[/I], ... Now extrapolate that into the real world. At one point, I called the cops on Onyxx. husband was waffly, but he stood firm when they arrived. They asked me what I wanted. I told them flat out I did not want her in my home. They then asked the magic question - can she go to her mother's? husband said no... And gave a brief explanation why... So they released her [I]back to us[/I]. I have no say. (In fact, husband wasn't on the same page at that time...) I take her to court because husband cannot get there - still, no say. I [I]go to court[/I] as the victim - and have [I]no say[/I]. WHAT?! I [I]know[/I] Onyxx needs help. I [I]know in my heart[/I], in my Mommy gut, that she needs FAR MORE HELP than she is getting. But my hands are tied. Susie... I never considered going to a DV place for help, after I called the county DV department regarding a CPO - just for me - against BM (at the time she was harassing me in person and on the phone). She told me, "You knew what you were getting into when you married him." (Um, actually, it's a half-joke between me and husband that if I [I]had[/I] known, I'd have run screaming!) But all of you are correct - if our husband was the abuser, take the kids and leave - and to be honest, I say this the way I do because if men are abused, they're expected to hoover it up and be a man - but when a child is abusive, all we have is the "unruly" designation - and really? That's bovine manure. And we all know it. [/QUOTE]
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