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Why the Therapist Thinks it's Mom's Fault...
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 250889" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>We all have faults and effect each other. After reading through here and seeing the latest posts, what pops out in my mind are three possible scenarios:</p><p></p><p>1) Where the parent sees no fault in themselves and wouldn't change that fault if they did see it and wouldn't care to be flexible to help their difficult child- making it all on difficult child's shoulders. As I think Janet is saying, my mother was and is this way.</p><p></p><p>2) Where the parent tries to overcome thier own difficulties and be flexible, but still wants the difficult children to learn that they can't change anyone but themselves and they have to learn to take responsibility for their own choices and future. This is how I strive to be and feel like I do seek this out, although I'm sure I haven't perfected it yet- obviously.</p><p></p><p>3) Where the parent accepts blame and responsibility for it all and just keeps pursuing changes in their parenting techniques without holding the difficult child accountable at all- which no therapist outwardly condones, but when it gets to a point where others are acting like everything the difficult child is doing is a reaction to the parent so the difficult child doesn't need to make any changes, only the parent does, I think it's gone too far, in my humble opinion. (That is except in cases of abuse or neglect, of course.)</p><p></p><p>Janet, the very fact that you have other kids who don't/didn't have the same difficulties as Cory shows that you don't fit #1 0r 3.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 250889, member: 3699"] We all have faults and effect each other. After reading through here and seeing the latest posts, what pops out in my mind are three possible scenarios: 1) Where the parent sees no fault in themselves and wouldn't change that fault if they did see it and wouldn't care to be flexible to help their difficult child- making it all on difficult child's shoulders. As I think Janet is saying, my mother was and is this way. 2) Where the parent tries to overcome thier own difficulties and be flexible, but still wants the difficult children to learn that they can't change anyone but themselves and they have to learn to take responsibility for their own choices and future. This is how I strive to be and feel like I do seek this out, although I'm sure I haven't perfected it yet- obviously. 3) Where the parent accepts blame and responsibility for it all and just keeps pursuing changes in their parenting techniques without holding the difficult child accountable at all- which no therapist outwardly condones, but when it gets to a point where others are acting like everything the difficult child is doing is a reaction to the parent so the difficult child doesn't need to make any changes, only the parent does, I think it's gone too far, in my humble opinion. (That is except in cases of abuse or neglect, of course.) Janet, the very fact that you have other kids who don't/didn't have the same difficulties as Cory shows that you don't fit #1 0r 3. [/QUOTE]
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