Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Why the Therapist Thinks it's Mom's Fault...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 250921" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Wonderful Family, you said, </p><p></p><p>You need to check out Star's post on Watercooler.</p><p></p><p>I'm rushing into this, I only have a couple of minutes in a busy morning. But from the original post, since we are more likely to get judged when we go into a consulting scenario feelnig tense, overwhelmed, stressed and negative - we need to take a few deep breaths before going in, square our shoulders and mentally prepare ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Some things to remind ourselves of at this point:</p><p></p><p>1) I am seeking the input, expertise and support of a FELLOW professional when it comes to my child's issues. I am also an expert because I am the parent who is handling this problem at the coalface. However, the expert I am consulting today has expertise in X area which is not something I personally am qualified for. So while I will defer in these areas, I will be as calm and impartial as possible, as a professional, and lay my cards on the table.</p><p></p><p>2) I will NOT go in there trying to let my own mood or appearance tell the story. I may do this with my friends and family, allowing my slumped shoulders and untidy appearance to tell a story, but here in a professional encounter, I must make a professional impression and rely on WORDS and not my appearance or manner.</p><p></p><p>3) I have brought copies of reports or anything else possibly relevant, all gathered in a manila folder, everything stapled. These are copies the doctor can keep (saves constantly calling the secretary to copy files, keeps the info always in front of the doctor, allows the doctor to immediately begin scrawling notes should he choose to). I alsos have my ready reference point form notes of the FACTS I need to present and get some sort of feedback for.</p><p></p><p>I am ready.</p><p></p><p>And because I am ready, I now feel more confident that I will present as full and complete a picture as I can of myself as the sort of parent who would be brilliant with any normal kid, but who of course is fully equipped to recognise something out of the ordinary when I meet it, and also not being too proud to say my child doesn't fit the usual picture.</p><p></p><p>OK, I go in thus prepared. But it's not foolproof. A constant handicap is my physical disability. I have had professionals often judge me as deficient mentally or incompetent in some way, purely due to their perception of my physical disability. There is nothing I can do about this, except to try to break the stereotype once more, of what people perceive a cripple to be (I know - harsh word, but I face facts).</p><p></p><p>So I probably go to a bit more trouble than usual over my appearance. That doesn't mean ging in made up to the nth degree, not a hair out of place and perfect manicure - far from it. You do NOT want to look like Bree from Desperate Housewives or the specialist will immediately label you as anal-retentive. Notshould you look like you spend every cent on your appearance or the doctor will assume that your child is being neglected in order that you may meet your own obsessive requirements.</p><p>The best option is to dress like a legal aid solicitor (budget lawyer). Neat, slightly formal, but dowdy. If you have a dark three-piece suit with flat heels, go for it. No nail polish, or a plain colour with short nails. Hair pulled back off your face, up in a French roll or bun if you can, some neutral lipstick. Think - SuperNanny, before she lets her hair down. Only slightly less anal about it.</p><p></p><p>I know this sounds ridiculous, to worry about your presentation to this extent. Maybe I've gone a bit overboard over the years, but I've also experienced a fair bit of judgement over the years too, when I didn't follow these rules and instead just let my panic and anxiety show.</p><p></p><p>Never forget - the biggest part of your personal presenttion, is your attitude. If you go in with an air of, "I am an expert on my own children, but in this I need your expert wisdom, I am a bit out of my depth which is unusual for me," and can project tis with confidence, then you are more likely to be taken seriously, than if you go in with an air of, "Help! This kid is totally out of control, I am helpless!"</p><p></p><p>So even if you Do feel like your kid is totally out of control and you are helpless - try to not look it.</p><p></p><p>You could still find yourself getting judged, but you will have done everything possible to minimise it.</p><p></p><p>It shouldn't be, but too often it's a game. And you need to have your game plan in place.</p><p></p><p>Think of it as one more thing you can do to liven your day.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 250921, member: 1991"] Wonderful Family, you said, You need to check out Star's post on Watercooler. I'm rushing into this, I only have a couple of minutes in a busy morning. But from the original post, since we are more likely to get judged when we go into a consulting scenario feelnig tense, overwhelmed, stressed and negative - we need to take a few deep breaths before going in, square our shoulders and mentally prepare ourselves. Some things to remind ourselves of at this point: 1) I am seeking the input, expertise and support of a FELLOW professional when it comes to my child's issues. I am also an expert because I am the parent who is handling this problem at the coalface. However, the expert I am consulting today has expertise in X area which is not something I personally am qualified for. So while I will defer in these areas, I will be as calm and impartial as possible, as a professional, and lay my cards on the table. 2) I will NOT go in there trying to let my own mood or appearance tell the story. I may do this with my friends and family, allowing my slumped shoulders and untidy appearance to tell a story, but here in a professional encounter, I must make a professional impression and rely on WORDS and not my appearance or manner. 3) I have brought copies of reports or anything else possibly relevant, all gathered in a manila folder, everything stapled. These are copies the doctor can keep (saves constantly calling the secretary to copy files, keeps the info always in front of the doctor, allows the doctor to immediately begin scrawling notes should he choose to). I alsos have my ready reference point form notes of the FACTS I need to present and get some sort of feedback for. I am ready. And because I am ready, I now feel more confident that I will present as full and complete a picture as I can of myself as the sort of parent who would be brilliant with any normal kid, but who of course is fully equipped to recognise something out of the ordinary when I meet it, and also not being too proud to say my child doesn't fit the usual picture. OK, I go in thus prepared. But it's not foolproof. A constant handicap is my physical disability. I have had professionals often judge me as deficient mentally or incompetent in some way, purely due to their perception of my physical disability. There is nothing I can do about this, except to try to break the stereotype once more, of what people perceive a cripple to be (I know - harsh word, but I face facts). So I probably go to a bit more trouble than usual over my appearance. That doesn't mean ging in made up to the nth degree, not a hair out of place and perfect manicure - far from it. You do NOT want to look like Bree from Desperate Housewives or the specialist will immediately label you as anal-retentive. Notshould you look like you spend every cent on your appearance or the doctor will assume that your child is being neglected in order that you may meet your own obsessive requirements. The best option is to dress like a legal aid solicitor (budget lawyer). Neat, slightly formal, but dowdy. If you have a dark three-piece suit with flat heels, go for it. No nail polish, or a plain colour with short nails. Hair pulled back off your face, up in a French roll or bun if you can, some neutral lipstick. Think - SuperNanny, before she lets her hair down. Only slightly less anal about it. I know this sounds ridiculous, to worry about your presentation to this extent. Maybe I've gone a bit overboard over the years, but I've also experienced a fair bit of judgement over the years too, when I didn't follow these rules and instead just let my panic and anxiety show. Never forget - the biggest part of your personal presenttion, is your attitude. If you go in with an air of, "I am an expert on my own children, but in this I need your expert wisdom, I am a bit out of my depth which is unusual for me," and can project tis with confidence, then you are more likely to be taken seriously, than if you go in with an air of, "Help! This kid is totally out of control, I am helpless!" So even if you Do feel like your kid is totally out of control and you are helpless - try to not look it. You could still find yourself getting judged, but you will have done everything possible to minimise it. It shouldn't be, but too often it's a game. And you need to have your game plan in place. Think of it as one more thing you can do to liven your day. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Why the Therapist Thinks it's Mom's Fault...
Top