Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Will he fall?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 645796" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Will he fail? He may. Statistics show that recovery has relapses, that relapses are a part of it. There is no way to predict it.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry lovemyson1, it's a hard place to be.</p><p></p><p>From my perspective, the most difficult thing we parents of troubled kids have to face is the sheer powerlessness we feel when faced with the often self destructive behavior and choices of our kids. We suffer a long time under the illusion that we may in fact have some element of control. We don't. We have no control at all. Over our kids. Over anyone. That is a hard nut for us to face. It is so hard to let go of our need to protect and keep our kids safe, to run interference for them in the world so that they are not harmed. And, yet, we can't do that. It doesn't work. </p><p></p><p>My suggestion to you is that you attend Al Anon, or Families anonymous, or counseling of some kind for YOU. While he is making his life choices, good or bad, you will need to learn how to respond differently and how to let go so that you are not dragged around by the choices he makes. At 21, he alone is in charge of his life. </p><p></p><p>Worrying serves no purpose. Take it from me, the QUEEN of worrying. I had to learn to let go inch by inch, it was not easy, but really, do you want to spend years worrying about your son's decisions and having them impact your life in dramatic and chaotic ways that you have no control over? I placed myself in a therapeutic environment to learn how to respond differently and to learn how to stop that worry. It was having an extremely negative impact on me and those around me. Amazingly, I actually did learn to let it go. You can too.</p><p></p><p>Whatever way your son chooses to go, whether he gets clean this time or 10 times from now, you need to find ways to be okay no matter what he chooses to do. Is that a tall order? You bet it is. But, when we live with difficult child's of any sort, their behavior can ruin our lives bit by bit over time.......so we parents have a choice, do we want to allow that to happen to us? Should you go down with his ship if he chooses that route? Do you believe that all that worry helps him in any way? </p><p></p><p>This path we find ourselves on is a devastation, by any definition. It hurts. A lot. However, there are ways you can learn to deal with this which take you out of the suffering mode and give you tools to cope and tools to actually thrive. I am sorry you are hurting. It's very difficult to be on the sidelines watching our kids continue to make poor choices. </p><p></p><p>Changing the code sounds reasonable. He should be responsible enough to leave your home in the condition he finds it. Anything else is disrespectful. Requiring him to meet your standards in your home is reasonable. His comments about your responsibility about his care sound immature. Thus far, because of your help, he is able to have a roof over his head and the help he needs. His inability to recognize that doesn't make it any less true. You know what you've done for him, hopefully one day he will too. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there, get yourself some support and stay the course. Keep posting, it helps. I'm glad you're here........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 645796, member: 13542"] Will he fail? He may. Statistics show that recovery has relapses, that relapses are a part of it. There is no way to predict it. I'm sorry lovemyson1, it's a hard place to be. From my perspective, the most difficult thing we parents of troubled kids have to face is the sheer powerlessness we feel when faced with the often self destructive behavior and choices of our kids. We suffer a long time under the illusion that we may in fact have some element of control. We don't. We have no control at all. Over our kids. Over anyone. That is a hard nut for us to face. It is so hard to let go of our need to protect and keep our kids safe, to run interference for them in the world so that they are not harmed. And, yet, we can't do that. It doesn't work. My suggestion to you is that you attend Al Anon, or Families anonymous, or counseling of some kind for YOU. While he is making his life choices, good or bad, you will need to learn how to respond differently and how to let go so that you are not dragged around by the choices he makes. At 21, he alone is in charge of his life. Worrying serves no purpose. Take it from me, the QUEEN of worrying. I had to learn to let go inch by inch, it was not easy, but really, do you want to spend years worrying about your son's decisions and having them impact your life in dramatic and chaotic ways that you have no control over? I placed myself in a therapeutic environment to learn how to respond differently and to learn how to stop that worry. It was having an extremely negative impact on me and those around me. Amazingly, I actually did learn to let it go. You can too. Whatever way your son chooses to go, whether he gets clean this time or 10 times from now, you need to find ways to be okay no matter what he chooses to do. Is that a tall order? You bet it is. But, when we live with difficult child's of any sort, their behavior can ruin our lives bit by bit over time.......so we parents have a choice, do we want to allow that to happen to us? Should you go down with his ship if he chooses that route? Do you believe that all that worry helps him in any way? This path we find ourselves on is a devastation, by any definition. It hurts. A lot. However, there are ways you can learn to deal with this which take you out of the suffering mode and give you tools to cope and tools to actually thrive. I am sorry you are hurting. It's very difficult to be on the sidelines watching our kids continue to make poor choices. Changing the code sounds reasonable. He should be responsible enough to leave your home in the condition he finds it. Anything else is disrespectful. Requiring him to meet your standards in your home is reasonable. His comments about your responsibility about his care sound immature. Thus far, because of your help, he is able to have a roof over his head and the help he needs. His inability to recognize that doesn't make it any less true. You know what you've done for him, hopefully one day he will too. Hang in there, get yourself some support and stay the course. Keep posting, it helps. I'm glad you're here........ [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Will he fall?
Top