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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 659295" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Copa, I see your point re a danger zone. I see myself wishing that he finally (11th hour epiphany) ) saw some reality, something healthy, some truth, some empathy (cough) likely the same way I had wished that he would apologize before he died about all the atrocities, heartache etc. he perpetuated upon my mother and myself. To fully accept the reality of who he was and even the full reality of what I went through is painful, scary and unpleasant. I'm better, but I struggle. I did hold him responsible and accountable though, something he detested.</p><p></p><p>Copa...did I read this right that you loved your mom? It's wonderful that you can see her positive aspects. I'm unsure if I loved my father. I think so, but am conflicted.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, you are an angel.</p><p>Perhaps like your mom, no way in hexx you could win with my father. He was angry when I did well and angry if things were neutral and sort of angry if I had problems, but I think secretly happy. Although, it wasn't much of a secret. He would use any major problems I had as fodder for folks to feel sorry for HIM, like when I've had major health problems...lupus, etc. not that he would ever help in the slightest way. LOL! Just tell folks that poor me, my daughter has Lupus. And her daughter had Brain surgery.</p><p>Little did these people he cried to have a notion he could care less. Never called, never sent a get well card, never sent birthday gifts to my kids...you know the drill. Oh, and my father thought himself the wise patriarch. Geez.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I believe I did right by helping him at the end of his life. But honestly, if he continued to be mean, it is a crxp shoot how much I would have helped. I think I would have been happy to pay for a nurse and done much more from afar. I just don't know. Thank goodness he got quiet. Quiet is significantly better than mean. It was all sooooo very difficult. (Truly a lot of lessons though...just a horribly difficult experience)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you both for your helpful and kind words. </p><p></p><p>Ya know...it seems there is a potential little bit of a pattern in this "holding the will over your head" crxp!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 659295, member: 4152"] Copa, I see your point re a danger zone. I see myself wishing that he finally (11th hour epiphany) ) saw some reality, something healthy, some truth, some empathy (cough) likely the same way I had wished that he would apologize before he died about all the atrocities, heartache etc. he perpetuated upon my mother and myself. To fully accept the reality of who he was and even the full reality of what I went through is painful, scary and unpleasant. I'm better, but I struggle. I did hold him responsible and accountable though, something he detested. Copa...did I read this right that you loved your mom? It's wonderful that you can see her positive aspects. I'm unsure if I loved my father. I think so, but am conflicted. Cedar, you are an angel. Perhaps like your mom, no way in hexx you could win with my father. He was angry when I did well and angry if things were neutral and sort of angry if I had problems, but I think secretly happy. Although, it wasn't much of a secret. He would use any major problems I had as fodder for folks to feel sorry for HIM, like when I've had major health problems...lupus, etc. not that he would ever help in the slightest way. LOL! Just tell folks that poor me, my daughter has Lupus. And her daughter had Brain surgery. Little did these people he cried to have a notion he could care less. Never called, never sent a get well card, never sent birthday gifts to my kids...you know the drill. Oh, and my father thought himself the wise patriarch. Geez. Cedar, I believe I did right by helping him at the end of his life. But honestly, if he continued to be mean, it is a crxp shoot how much I would have helped. I think I would have been happy to pay for a nurse and done much more from afar. I just don't know. Thank goodness he got quiet. Quiet is significantly better than mean. It was all sooooo very difficult. (Truly a lot of lessons though...just a horribly difficult experience) Thank you both for your helpful and kind words. Ya know...it seems there is a potential little bit of a pattern in this "holding the will over your head" crxp!!!! [/QUOTE]
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