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women who keep going back to abusers???
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 725687" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>People develop patterns of behavior and they stay with them. I think some people just live for the constant drama. They want that rush, that adrenaline and they cannot live without it. If they don't have the bad boy yelling and screaming and hitting, they don't know how to cope. Some grew up with it, some saw it in other places and liked it.</p><p></p><p>I have an aunt who married 9 times. 2 were to the same guy. We actually liked one of the guys she married twice. She isn't a blood relations, but she is my mom's best friend and I saw more of her than my other aunts. She would marry a guy, fix him up by supporting him while he got more education, cleaning up his look and generally convincing him he could get a better job. Then she convinced herself that she was not good enough for him and she would end up divorcing him. I always thought it was a crazy cycle. It took a lot of therapy to figure out why she didn't think she deserved any better and then to convince herself that she did deserve better.</p><p></p><p>So much of our society convinces our little girls that their worth is in their looks, in how pretty they are. I never gave a spit how pretty my daughter was. Yes, looking nice is a good thing, but it isn't nearly as important as society makes it seem. Jess grew up with a strong dislike of being called pretty. Even as a toddler she would tell you that was a bad compliment. She was a "strong smart girl". Anyone could be pretty, that was genetics. You had to work to be strong and smart. We used the phrase "Strong Smart Girl" when we praised her for things because I felt it was far more in line with the values that would empower her and take her where she would want to go in this world. </p><p></p><p>If all you tell your little girls that you value is if they are pretty, then they will always know you don't care even one little bit about what they think or feel. I saw this happen with several friends of mine growing up. Each of them ended up in seriously dysfunctional early relationships. We chose "Strong Smart Girl" to hopefully tell our daughter that we valued much more than her looks. Of course we also told her she looked nice when she did. We were not ogres and we didn't want her to have a complex.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 725687, member: 1233"] People develop patterns of behavior and they stay with them. I think some people just live for the constant drama. They want that rush, that adrenaline and they cannot live without it. If they don't have the bad boy yelling and screaming and hitting, they don't know how to cope. Some grew up with it, some saw it in other places and liked it. I have an aunt who married 9 times. 2 were to the same guy. We actually liked one of the guys she married twice. She isn't a blood relations, but she is my mom's best friend and I saw more of her than my other aunts. She would marry a guy, fix him up by supporting him while he got more education, cleaning up his look and generally convincing him he could get a better job. Then she convinced herself that she was not good enough for him and she would end up divorcing him. I always thought it was a crazy cycle. It took a lot of therapy to figure out why she didn't think she deserved any better and then to convince herself that she did deserve better. So much of our society convinces our little girls that their worth is in their looks, in how pretty they are. I never gave a spit how pretty my daughter was. Yes, looking nice is a good thing, but it isn't nearly as important as society makes it seem. Jess grew up with a strong dislike of being called pretty. Even as a toddler she would tell you that was a bad compliment. She was a "strong smart girl". Anyone could be pretty, that was genetics. You had to work to be strong and smart. We used the phrase "Strong Smart Girl" when we praised her for things because I felt it was far more in line with the values that would empower her and take her where she would want to go in this world. If all you tell your little girls that you value is if they are pretty, then they will always know you don't care even one little bit about what they think or feel. I saw this happen with several friends of mine growing up. Each of them ended up in seriously dysfunctional early relationships. We chose "Strong Smart Girl" to hopefully tell our daughter that we valued much more than her looks. Of course we also told her she looked nice when she did. We were not ogres and we didn't want her to have a complex. [/QUOTE]
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women who keep going back to abusers???
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