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Wondering how to detach?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 368563"><p>Have you told her that you are not keen on her less than honest/less than genuine approach with you?</p><p>Not sure it would help though.</p><p>It sounds somewhat fear based.</p><p>Maybe she just doesn't trust herself. Perhaps she has had great sorrows in her past and is detaching in a rather extreme way.</p><p>No matter, your request for honesty is reasonable.</p><p>If she were to say, for example, that at this time in her life she likes her peace and quiet and could have you and difficult child over for dinner or might visit you, but is not interested in visiting difficult child due to his behaviors....you would understand this. But to say something, and mean something else, makes a person feel devalued. </p><p>I would tell her she is free to be honest with you, that you wont judge her and in fact, that honesty would strength your relationship. If this doesn't work...perhaps consider limiting your time with her....do the 'cordial' thing right back at her. </p><p>Give her a chance....don't try to force her to do things she doesn't want to do. But asking for a lttle more honesty seems fair. If it doesn't work out...I wouldn't be overly concerned about it. Think about any relationships you have that are healthy/close/genuine and step up your energy/time with those people.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 368563"] Have you told her that you are not keen on her less than honest/less than genuine approach with you? Not sure it would help though. It sounds somewhat fear based. Maybe she just doesn't trust herself. Perhaps she has had great sorrows in her past and is detaching in a rather extreme way. No matter, your request for honesty is reasonable. If she were to say, for example, that at this time in her life she likes her peace and quiet and could have you and difficult child over for dinner or might visit you, but is not interested in visiting difficult child due to his behaviors....you would understand this. But to say something, and mean something else, makes a person feel devalued. I would tell her she is free to be honest with you, that you wont judge her and in fact, that honesty would strength your relationship. If this doesn't work...perhaps consider limiting your time with her....do the 'cordial' thing right back at her. Give her a chance....don't try to force her to do things she doesn't want to do. But asking for a lttle more honesty seems fair. If it doesn't work out...I wouldn't be overly concerned about it. Think about any relationships you have that are healthy/close/genuine and step up your energy/time with those people. [/QUOTE]
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