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Worried about difficult child at father in law's funeral
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 456538" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p></p><p>This goes way beyond being a super tough situation. I'm just guessing that many of these questions have to do with death and dying. Seriously, I can't blame the kid. EVERYONE mourns in their own ways, and he's trying to process and understand this information.</p><p></p><p>Going and shadowing him, in my opinion, is the best option. Get a book from the library about loosing a loved one. I'd go with something geared to elementary aged kids. Read it first to make sure you like what they say and there are no spiritual or religious conflicts. The more information he gets beforehand, the less inquisitive he is apt to be during the funeral.</p><p></p><p>In all honesty, even adults act "stupid" when there has been a death. My BFF had to plan arrange her mother's services. The cremation itself was a small intimate ceremony with just BFF and the mother's closest friends (who, by the way, had known BFF her entire life). Well, these women who were GREAT (not sarcasm, really) at organizing things, and were generally compassionate, created their own 'mini ceremony' where each of them laid a flower in the crematory. Not a single one (there were 15-20 of them) thought to include the woman's daughter in this, and not a single one gave up her own flower to the daughter. So, if these normally gracious women can behave inappropriately and without compassion, I think difficult child should be excused at least some transgressions in socially acceptable mourning.</p><p></p><p>Also, if out of frustration, you and husband resort to 'traditional' yelling and scolding to get him to back off, don't be too hard on yourselves. ESPECIALLY if that is not your norm for handling things. This sends a clear message to difficult child that what's going on is over the top serious. He'll be thinking to himself, "WOW they haven't done THAT in, like, forever." Usually it's just a temporary 'fix', and the reason it doesn't work on a regular basis with difficult children, so we employ other tactics.</p><p></p><p>I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention that he sounds like he's got Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). By looking at your dxes, I can only assume that it's a part of the Cognitive Disorder Not Otherwise Specified mixed with the high impulsivity of ADHD</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry this difficult time is made even more difficult having to navigate it through difficult child land.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 456538, member: 11965"] [I] [/I] This goes way beyond being a super tough situation. I'm just guessing that many of these questions have to do with death and dying. Seriously, I can't blame the kid. EVERYONE mourns in their own ways, and he's trying to process and understand this information. Going and shadowing him, in my opinion, is the best option. Get a book from the library about loosing a loved one. I'd go with something geared to elementary aged kids. Read it first to make sure you like what they say and there are no spiritual or religious conflicts. The more information he gets beforehand, the less inquisitive he is apt to be during the funeral. In all honesty, even adults act "stupid" when there has been a death. My BFF had to plan arrange her mother's services. The cremation itself was a small intimate ceremony with just BFF and the mother's closest friends (who, by the way, had known BFF her entire life). Well, these women who were GREAT (not sarcasm, really) at organizing things, and were generally compassionate, created their own 'mini ceremony' where each of them laid a flower in the crematory. Not a single one (there were 15-20 of them) thought to include the woman's daughter in this, and not a single one gave up her own flower to the daughter. So, if these normally gracious women can behave inappropriately and without compassion, I think difficult child should be excused at least some transgressions in socially acceptable mourning. Also, if out of frustration, you and husband resort to 'traditional' yelling and scolding to get him to back off, don't be too hard on yourselves. ESPECIALLY if that is not your norm for handling things. This sends a clear message to difficult child that what's going on is over the top serious. He'll be thinking to himself, "WOW they haven't done THAT in, like, forever." Usually it's just a temporary 'fix', and the reason it doesn't work on a regular basis with difficult children, so we employ other tactics. I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention that he sounds like he's got Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). By looking at your dxes, I can only assume that it's a part of the Cognitive Disorder Not Otherwise Specified mixed with the high impulsivity of ADHD I'm so sorry this difficult time is made even more difficult having to navigate it through difficult child land. [/QUOTE]
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