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worried about S2BX
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 174590" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>I haven't had a chance to read all of the other replies either, but what I did read, I totally agreed with. Your situation sounds so much like mine when my kids were younger it's not even funny! Only difference is that my ex would have never gone to any kind of rehab because, even though he's half dead from his many years of heavy drinking and has alienated his entire family, he still insists that he doesn't have a problem!</p><p> </p><p>Maybe you (and your kids) are too close to the situation to see it for what it really is. <u>HE</u> should be the one making the effort to see his kids, not the other way around. It's not their place to seek him out and practically beg him to see them! They shouldn't have to do that. They're the <em>kids</em>, he's the <em>parent</em>! It's very obvious that his children aren't very high up on his list of priorities. And this has got to be hurting those kids terribly! Every time you have them try to initiate contact with him and then he doesn't respond, that's another rejection of them by their father! It's very difficult, if not impossible, for kids not to take this rejection personally. If I were you, I would not make even one more attempt at arranging a visit! The ball is clearly in HIS court and if he doesn't initiate something, so be it. They are better off without him.</p><p> </p><p>Quite frankly, I don't understand why you are so anxious for them to spend time with him! He sounds like a horrible influence and will do nothing but hurt them again and again. It wasn't until years later when they were grown and out from under the influence of their father that the stories started coming out about what really happened on their infrequent "visits" with their father. He was drinking (and probably taking pills too) every time - drinking and driving with MY KIDS in the car and they were too intimidated by him to tell me. He gets mean, abusive and mouthy when he drinks. He'd pick fights with total strangers and his teenaged <em>children</em> had to try to get him out of it! My son was 15 when we divorced. He went through so many years of being hurt and disappointed by his dad again and again and thinking that it was <em>his</em> fault somehow, that he just wasn't good enough. Most men would be happy and proud to have a son like him - not my ex! It took many years of growing and maturing and being able to look at it from the viewpoint of an adult, but my son finally knows that it wasn't HIS fault. He knows now that his father is simply incapable of caring about anyone else but himelf and his addictions! But that doesn't take away all the hurt and disappointment he went through as a kid. Better off to just let it be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 174590, member: 1883"] I haven't had a chance to read all of the other replies either, but what I did read, I totally agreed with. Your situation sounds so much like mine when my kids were younger it's not even funny! Only difference is that my ex would have never gone to any kind of rehab because, even though he's half dead from his many years of heavy drinking and has alienated his entire family, he still insists that he doesn't have a problem! Maybe you (and your kids) are too close to the situation to see it for what it really is. [U]HE[/U] should be the one making the effort to see his kids, not the other way around. It's not their place to seek him out and practically beg him to see them! They shouldn't have to do that. They're the [I]kids[/I], he's the [I]parent[/I]! It's very obvious that his children aren't very high up on his list of priorities. And this has got to be hurting those kids terribly! Every time you have them try to initiate contact with him and then he doesn't respond, that's another rejection of them by their father! It's very difficult, if not impossible, for kids not to take this rejection personally. If I were you, I would not make even one more attempt at arranging a visit! The ball is clearly in HIS court and if he doesn't initiate something, so be it. They are better off without him. Quite frankly, I don't understand why you are so anxious for them to spend time with him! He sounds like a horrible influence and will do nothing but hurt them again and again. It wasn't until years later when they were grown and out from under the influence of their father that the stories started coming out about what really happened on their infrequent "visits" with their father. He was drinking (and probably taking pills too) every time - drinking and driving with MY KIDS in the car and they were too intimidated by him to tell me. He gets mean, abusive and mouthy when he drinks. He'd pick fights with total strangers and his teenaged [I]children[/I] had to try to get him out of it! My son was 15 when we divorced. He went through so many years of being hurt and disappointed by his dad again and again and thinking that it was [I]his[/I] fault somehow, that he just wasn't good enough. Most men would be happy and proud to have a son like him - not my ex! It took many years of growing and maturing and being able to look at it from the viewpoint of an adult, but my son finally knows that it wasn't HIS fault. He knows now that his father is simply incapable of caring about anyone else but himelf and his addictions! But that doesn't take away all the hurt and disappointment he went through as a kid. Better off to just let it be. [/QUOTE]
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