Worried again

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Dec 18, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Gosh I hate this.... I just wish my difficult child would get his life together, communicate with us more easily, so I didn't have to wonder what the heck is going on. The other day he randomly asks me what he has to do to change his number. I respond and no response back. I check the phone records and he is back to communicating with the girlfriend. Ugh. What the heck is wrong with her... they have no communication for a while and then she gets in touch with him again. They have a volatile relationship, break up, he crashes and burns, starts to pick himself up and then she gets in touch again and reels him back in and we go through the cycle again. He certainly has his part in it, no question, but darn I just wish she would let him go......

    Of course he has not communicated or answered any of my texts... I have only sent him a couple but still the lack of communication with me, the contact with her, and his recent relapse all has me worried.

    I am trying not to obsess and just continue to enjoy as much as I can the holiday season.

    I am going to call the sober place on Monday.... I want to make sure they will contact me if he leaves. They take money off my credit card every week for rent and so I want to be sure I am notified if he leaves so I stop paying rent!!!! And if she brings him back up here again he may not tell me.

    Ugh.... hopefully he is getting support down there to leave her once and for all and to move on.

  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    (((hugs)))) wish this stress would lessen for you. luv, Dee
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2013
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I know exactly what you mean....lol. No this is his 2nd serious girlfriend with several girls along the way. He is very good looking, funny and charming and those girls who fall for the bad boy type sure like him. It was a similar situation with the first serious girlfriend, lots of break ups and getting back together. She was a nice girl and her mom and I became friends and they were young.... she didn't reel him in the same way though.

    So he contacted me again today about changing his number. I am going to do it... he won't tell me who is bothering him just someone is... it occured to me it could be a drug dealer or someone disreputable. Maybe that is just me wishing he is trying to break those bad ties.

  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Is there a chance it's his girlfriend he is trying to get away from? Are there other numbers on his account that come up frequently that could be the person he is trying to avoid?

    It's so unsettling when they send out these little signs that something is up and we just have to wait it out to find out what it is. I hope you get some assurance soon.

  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah...Cory had lots of I think they call them "friends with benefits" before he met Lindsay and then Mandy. We live in a town that is very small but has a satellite campus of UNC. Its actually a stand alone university but they are connected. University of North Carolina at Pembroke. Anyway...for some reason, just like your son, he is that good looking, charming, boy that all the girls who like the bad boys. I have no idea why but all these girls who went to UNCP would come pick him up in their nice cars that mommy and daddy bought them to go to college and they would take him out when he was around 17/18 and it would just be for sex. He would see them once or twice and that was it. They were 19 or 20 and jr's or sr's in college and were having a fling with the local bad boy. Here he didnt even have a HS diploma! I always wondered what their parents would say if they only knew...lol. I have no idea how he even met them!
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2013
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear this. I hope it's a good sign that he contacted you again today and I think changing the number is a good idea, since it's obviously something he's thought about and believes needs to be done for some reason.
  8. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    My difficult child had a girlfriend that would play with his emotions delilberately to get him to the point where he had to be hospitalized for depression or raging. The counselors, doctor, and even his school case manager kept trying to get him to see what she was doing. Twice they got him to try to break things off and not talk to her anymore and low and behold she wound up claiming she was having stomach problems and thought her cancer was coming back. So she would be hospitalized and naturally he would give in and call her. I finally found out that her stomach problems were actually from her drinking too much because I found a post that she had been drinking 8 beers the night before she had to go the ER for her stomach problems. He was away from her for almost 2 years and now she showed up at our home recently. Of course, we have been having more problems with difficult child. It is a vicious cycle with this girl.
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Oh Gosh Flowergarden sounds like the situations are similar!! I think my difficult child sees that his girlfriend plays head games with him but he seems to fall for it each time. I am hoping that now he is at a distance that he will really break it off for good... or I hope she gets another boyfriend and leaves him alone.

  10. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Toughlovin,

    Glad you finally heard from difficult child.
    Boy do I ever understand the "bad boy" attraction from girls! Both my sons are good looking...especially my oldest and he NEVER went without a young woman in his life.
    I guess I should count my blessings at the ones that "got away".

    Hoping your son will move on and find someone better suited for himself and absolutely hoping this change of phone number has Nothing to do with a drug dealer, yikes!

    Thinking of you,
  11. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Crossing fingers and toes that your worries are unwarranted this time. I know how hard it is and that our imaginations run wild (w good reason) when we get snippets of information. {{{hugs}}}
  12. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    My son called me today which was a relief. He actually sounds pretty good... is getting tired of the sameness of each day where he is at but likes the outpatient program. He called because he is a bit short on money again, but this is the first time in 2 weeks he called and I was going to give him money tomorrow so he is doing better on that score. I did ask him more about the change in number... sounds like (assuming he is telling the truth) that he is getting calls from people he doesn't need to be getting calls from and he is trying to sort of start fresh.... that might actually be a really good thing. I told him my imagination was running away with me and I am his mom so I tend to worry. He seemed to understand that. It was a good conversation and I feel relieved at least for the moment. He doesn't have his phone charger (one of the things that he lost when he was kicked out) and I have sent him another but he won't get that for a few days. I actually think not having phone access for a few days is a good thing. Anyway so I feel reassured until the next time.

  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Keeping fingers crossed!
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad he called and more glad that you are feeling more relieved. Every day he is there is one day closer to real sobriety.