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Substance Abuse
Worried yet again
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 694623" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>TL. I hate<em> hearing you</em> sad. You are not failing him. He is failing himself. Until he sees this you get roped in. And for somebody like you who always takes responsibility, is always hopeful, always sees away, it is a killing thing to feel defeating. Will almost that bad. </p><p></p><p>As long as he feels like he has got you there with him, he will not have to choose for himself. He will have to feel alone--in order to take responsibility. </p><p></p><p>I can only go by our experience. My son had to feel rejected by all, and my withdrawing to get that it was he who had to change, nobody else. And then, still, he did not get it, and I had to push him out again. </p><p></p><p>I am not as good as you are. I do not have your strength. Or energy. I wore out sooner. I had no more to give. It really takes for us to be sick and tired to stop doing for them. It is contrary to everything in us and everything we believe about ourselves.</p><p></p><p>If you need to post every day all day, do it--to focus on you and your husband--your happiness, fun, well-being, health. Let him be. Let you son realize that he is in this alone. Because he will be. We die. And he will have to do it alone. Better now with you in the wings. </p><p></p><p>He will either do it or he will not. That is when things began to change for me. My bottom was when I realized I could not keep my son alive. He has Hep C and no matter what I did I could not get him to treatment. When I realized that I could not--ever get him to treatment--and he could well die in my lifespan, I got how little control I have. It is all on him. I am a bystander. I can do nothing without his buying in. And then, very, very little.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 694623, member: 18958"] TL. I hate[I] hearing you[/I] sad. You are not failing him. He is failing himself. Until he sees this you get roped in. And for somebody like you who always takes responsibility, is always hopeful, always sees away, it is a killing thing to feel defeating. Will almost that bad. As long as he feels like he has got you there with him, he will not have to choose for himself. He will have to feel alone--in order to take responsibility. I can only go by our experience. My son had to feel rejected by all, and my withdrawing to get that it was he who had to change, nobody else. And then, still, he did not get it, and I had to push him out again. I am not as good as you are. I do not have your strength. Or energy. I wore out sooner. I had no more to give. It really takes for us to be sick and tired to stop doing for them. It is contrary to everything in us and everything we believe about ourselves. If you need to post every day all day, do it--to focus on you and your husband--your happiness, fun, well-being, health. Let him be. Let you son realize that he is in this alone. Because he will be. We die. And he will have to do it alone. Better now with you in the wings. He will either do it or he will not. That is when things began to change for me. My bottom was when I realized I could not keep my son alive. He has Hep C and no matter what I did I could not get him to treatment. When I realized that I could not--ever get him to treatment--and he could well die in my lifespan, I got how little control I have. It is all on him. I am a bystander. I can do nothing without his buying in. And then, very, very little. [/QUOTE]
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