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worst day ever for difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 370591" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so sorry. He seems to be having a really hard time right now.</p><p> </p><p>Is your husband completely unaware of difficult child's problems and his need for help? At 10 yo, the kids ALL know that bullying is not OK. They have heard about it, and about good sportsmanship, for many years. The other child KNOWS that difficult child will react to his teasing. NO adult, not even your husband, was willing to stand up and tell the kid to knock it off, or to impose a consequence if he doesn't stop. in my humble opinion the adults are as much to blame for this bullying as the kid is. </p><p> </p><p>Personally my husband would have a couple of new ones about now and would be totally unable to look himself in the mirror. Your husband is probably tired of the way your son behaves (who wouldn't be?) but that is NO EXCUSE to condone bullying. As one of the coaches it is your husband's JOB to make sure the kids learn and practice good sportsmanship. ALL of them.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, it would be nice if your son had more tolerance for teasing/bullying. Right now your son is UNABLE to cope with it the way an older child might. I cannot think of many teens who could handle being teased that way when they were having a bad day. Expecting a ten year old to not blow up in that situation is unrealistic. Your husband set your son up for failure and then told him it was his fault by not standing up for him at the meltdown point.</p><p> </p><p>What would your husband do if he was having a bad day and someone started telling him that he was doing a lousy job, that he was worthless, etc...? How would HE react?? What if it was someone he already didn't like who was doing it? How about if it was someone who treated him like that every time they saw each other? What if he was having a bad day and you asked him to go fix something he did because he didn't do a good job? Would he smile and go do it or would he get upset and feel that nothing he did was good enough? Maybe blow up and yell or throw something or slam a door? </p><p> </p><p>I don't know your husband but many adults, male and female, would react badly in that situation. Maybe husband can explain that the other child has been bullying your son and either both of them should be off the team or your son should be allowed back. On days with double headers in the future maybe you could arrange it so that difficult child only plays one game? Maybe tell the coach privately that it is to help him learn to keep control, but tell others it is because you have a family commitment that you cannot get out of during either the first or second game, so difficult child does not lose face with the other kids.</p><p> </p><p>This is not easy to get past, not when you are ten. Does he have a therapist of any kind that he can talk about this with? Maybe you can role-play with him so he can practice what to say in situations like this, and practice getting up and going somewhere else to sit if someone is bugging him.</p><p> </p><p>Expecting your son to NOT react badly to the bullying is unrealistic. It isn't just unrealistic for your difficult child, it is unrealistic for most 10yo kids and for many people of other ages too.</p><p> </p><p>Give him a hug for me, and tell him that there will be other games.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 370591, member: 1233"] I am so sorry. He seems to be having a really hard time right now. Is your husband completely unaware of difficult child's problems and his need for help? At 10 yo, the kids ALL know that bullying is not OK. They have heard about it, and about good sportsmanship, for many years. The other child KNOWS that difficult child will react to his teasing. NO adult, not even your husband, was willing to stand up and tell the kid to knock it off, or to impose a consequence if he doesn't stop. in my humble opinion the adults are as much to blame for this bullying as the kid is. Personally my husband would have a couple of new ones about now and would be totally unable to look himself in the mirror. Your husband is probably tired of the way your son behaves (who wouldn't be?) but that is NO EXCUSE to condone bullying. As one of the coaches it is your husband's JOB to make sure the kids learn and practice good sportsmanship. ALL of them. Yes, it would be nice if your son had more tolerance for teasing/bullying. Right now your son is UNABLE to cope with it the way an older child might. I cannot think of many teens who could handle being teased that way when they were having a bad day. Expecting a ten year old to not blow up in that situation is unrealistic. Your husband set your son up for failure and then told him it was his fault by not standing up for him at the meltdown point. What would your husband do if he was having a bad day and someone started telling him that he was doing a lousy job, that he was worthless, etc...? How would HE react?? What if it was someone he already didn't like who was doing it? How about if it was someone who treated him like that every time they saw each other? What if he was having a bad day and you asked him to go fix something he did because he didn't do a good job? Would he smile and go do it or would he get upset and feel that nothing he did was good enough? Maybe blow up and yell or throw something or slam a door? I don't know your husband but many adults, male and female, would react badly in that situation. Maybe husband can explain that the other child has been bullying your son and either both of them should be off the team or your son should be allowed back. On days with double headers in the future maybe you could arrange it so that difficult child only plays one game? Maybe tell the coach privately that it is to help him learn to keep control, but tell others it is because you have a family commitment that you cannot get out of during either the first or second game, so difficult child does not lose face with the other kids. This is not easy to get past, not when you are ten. Does he have a therapist of any kind that he can talk about this with? Maybe you can role-play with him so he can practice what to say in situations like this, and practice getting up and going somewhere else to sit if someone is bugging him. Expecting your son to NOT react badly to the bullying is unrealistic. It isn't just unrealistic for your difficult child, it is unrealistic for most 10yo kids and for many people of other ages too. Give him a hug for me, and tell him that there will be other games. [/QUOTE]
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