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Would you give difficult child a photo?
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 325833" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Wow- there is a lot of first-hand experience in similar situations here. I think maybe I will print the photo out but not give it to difficult child until/unless he brings the subject up again.</p><p></p><p>He already does know the basic facts- without every painful detail but it was because he asked and was able to fill in the blanks from what I told him. That happened about 4 years ago and that is what most believe led to him turning into a difficult child- the inability to handle it all. Unfortunately- it's not so easy getting a typical therapist to help difficult child with the abandonment and rejection issues.</p><p></p><p>Before anyone gets on my case about WHY I told him four years ago, - I went to a psychiatric when difficult child was about 5 yo and had started asking questions about why he didn't have a father. I followed the psychiatric's advice about how to handle it, which was to answer his questions on the level they were asked and never lie to difficult child about it, under any circumstances. This worked fine until I guess he must have been at an age where he had the cognitive ability to figure it all out but not the emotional ability to not blame himself and be able to handle it. (Yes- it was absolutely devestating to him and I saw it on his face.) I can understand that and I took him to a family therapist to try to work on it and help us or help me help difficult child. Four years later, with diagnosis's, medications, many legal charges, and numerous tdocs under our belts, difficult child is starting to work thru this on his own. I don't think a single therapist has helped- they all seem to do the typical, in spite of it being written in his neuropsychologist report and a separate MDE report that the professionals think this is the underlying problem. It apparently is being helped by just maturing some and living with guys who are from all angles with their fathers- some have had it worse and difficult child sees that.</p><p></p><p>I haven't been in the habit of bringing the topic up so I think it's a valid point to not bring this photo up to him now. I have a paper sealed in an envelope in his baby book that has all info I know about his father written down. I'll print the photo out and put it with that. Thanks, Marcie Mac for helping me see that this could be like scrubbing a scab off and re-opening a healing wound.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 325833, member: 3699"] Wow- there is a lot of first-hand experience in similar situations here. I think maybe I will print the photo out but not give it to difficult child until/unless he brings the subject up again. He already does know the basic facts- without every painful detail but it was because he asked and was able to fill in the blanks from what I told him. That happened about 4 years ago and that is what most believe led to him turning into a difficult child- the inability to handle it all. Unfortunately- it's not so easy getting a typical therapist to help difficult child with the abandonment and rejection issues. Before anyone gets on my case about WHY I told him four years ago, - I went to a psychiatric when difficult child was about 5 yo and had started asking questions about why he didn't have a father. I followed the psychiatric's advice about how to handle it, which was to answer his questions on the level they were asked and never lie to difficult child about it, under any circumstances. This worked fine until I guess he must have been at an age where he had the cognitive ability to figure it all out but not the emotional ability to not blame himself and be able to handle it. (Yes- it was absolutely devestating to him and I saw it on his face.) I can understand that and I took him to a family therapist to try to work on it and help us or help me help difficult child. Four years later, with diagnosis's, medications, many legal charges, and numerous tdocs under our belts, difficult child is starting to work thru this on his own. I don't think a single therapist has helped- they all seem to do the typical, in spite of it being written in his neuropsychologist report and a separate MDE report that the professionals think this is the underlying problem. It apparently is being helped by just maturing some and living with guys who are from all angles with their fathers- some have had it worse and difficult child sees that. I haven't been in the habit of bringing the topic up so I think it's a valid point to not bring this photo up to him now. I have a paper sealed in an envelope in his baby book that has all info I know about his father written down. I'll print the photo out and put it with that. Thanks, Marcie Mac for helping me see that this could be like scrubbing a scab off and re-opening a healing wound. [/QUOTE]
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