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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 342529" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Daisy, </p><p></p><p>I guess maybe I think a little differently so here's my thoughts. </p><p></p><p>1.) You already know that most/any interaction with your Mother brings unpleasant words, hurtful memories, it's been unavoidable for years, and not looking like it will ever change due to her mental illness. Borderline (BPD) is something that she could learn to control; not get rid of. However at this point it does not sound like she CHOOSES to control it or improve herself. So point and case - the only thing you can do is avoid her toxicity. That being the case? </p><p></p><p> a.) Why go? Why even get a hotel room? </p><p> If you go, and your Mother is ugly your husband has already said he will "Let her have it." Hmm "Let her have it?" Not good. She's mentally ill. I understand the overwhelming urge to want to defend you, and rake her over the coals in front of your family, but what he's negating here? That's also your sisters Mother, and the other family members relative. Whether he would say whatever he would say in front of them (doubtful because he sounds like a first class man to me) or whether he would take her outside? </p><p> b.)He's still going to do it, and she will come inside and then cry or throw a fit and the focus would be ON HER. Not on the twins. That would be what is remembered at the baby's birthday party. Uncle X made a scene, upset Grandma and then left with Aunt Daisy. </p><p></p><p>My suggestion? </p><p></p><p>If it's a party that you're wanting? WHY NOT call your sister and make a date where the twins get a second party with just you, her, them and do something special FOR the twins where you don't have Mommy Dearest broomcloset there to spoil it? True, the rest of your family won't be there for you to socialize with, but the celebration is for the twins' birthday correct? So celebrate that. Kinda like Christmas. I mean we all know Jesus wasn't born on Dec. 25th, but we get that morning and celebrate it anyway. So make arrangements for a day /weekend trip with your sister and plan something EXTRA SPECIAL for the twins.....maybe take them to the learning museum not far from your place---and ask about the birthday party room, or a bowling alley and do streamers, balloons, cake.....and just have a day with cameras, cake, candles.....and you guys. </p><p></p><p>No hassles, no one being ugly.....lots of fun....and a 2nd celebration for 2 very special people in your life. Plus a much needed day out for you. </p><p></p><p>Kinda win/win if you ask me. (yawn) <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p>Oh and as far as your Mother ever finding out? Who cares? If she says something? .....Again.....So what? You couldn't make it to the other party and wanted to do something SPECIAL with just you and your sisters kids.</p><p></p><p>Make it a tradition. Every year it's SECRET Party - No one invited BUT your family the twins and your sister. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> Would give them something to look forward to at least until they're 12. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 342529, member: 4964"] Daisy, I guess maybe I think a little differently so here's my thoughts. 1.) You already know that most/any interaction with your Mother brings unpleasant words, hurtful memories, it's been unavoidable for years, and not looking like it will ever change due to her mental illness. Borderline (BPD) is something that she could learn to control; not get rid of. However at this point it does not sound like she CHOOSES to control it or improve herself. So point and case - the only thing you can do is avoid her toxicity. That being the case? a.) Why go? Why even get a hotel room? If you go, and your Mother is ugly your husband has already said he will "Let her have it." Hmm "Let her have it?" Not good. She's mentally ill. I understand the overwhelming urge to want to defend you, and rake her over the coals in front of your family, but what he's negating here? That's also your sisters Mother, and the other family members relative. Whether he would say whatever he would say in front of them (doubtful because he sounds like a first class man to me) or whether he would take her outside? b.)He's still going to do it, and she will come inside and then cry or throw a fit and the focus would be ON HER. Not on the twins. That would be what is remembered at the baby's birthday party. Uncle X made a scene, upset Grandma and then left with Aunt Daisy. My suggestion? If it's a party that you're wanting? WHY NOT call your sister and make a date where the twins get a second party with just you, her, them and do something special FOR the twins where you don't have Mommy Dearest broomcloset there to spoil it? True, the rest of your family won't be there for you to socialize with, but the celebration is for the twins' birthday correct? So celebrate that. Kinda like Christmas. I mean we all know Jesus wasn't born on Dec. 25th, but we get that morning and celebrate it anyway. So make arrangements for a day /weekend trip with your sister and plan something EXTRA SPECIAL for the twins.....maybe take them to the learning museum not far from your place---and ask about the birthday party room, or a bowling alley and do streamers, balloons, cake.....and just have a day with cameras, cake, candles.....and you guys. No hassles, no one being ugly.....lots of fun....and a 2nd celebration for 2 very special people in your life. Plus a much needed day out for you. Kinda win/win if you ask me. (yawn) :winking: Oh and as far as your Mother ever finding out? Who cares? If she says something? .....Again.....So what? You couldn't make it to the other party and wanted to do something SPECIAL with just you and your sisters kids. Make it a tradition. Every year it's SECRET Party - No one invited BUT your family the twins and your sister. :happy: Would give them something to look forward to at least until they're 12. :raspberry-tounge: [/QUOTE]
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