Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, May 8, 2008.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I have been doubting myself and my decisions to medicate difficult child. I went thru some old e-mails from psychiatrist and teachers from 06, and I no longer doubt myself. He has made so much improvement since that time, it is amazing. He no longer routinely threatens people, and is much less moody. I am glad I keep all correspondence in a file so I can go back thru it, it is so helpful to be able to look back and see how far he really has come. It is so hard when all the feedback I get from the school is negative, I have to fight to find positive.

    One other question, in light of the happenings of the other day (smoking) difficult child has had some serious consequences including not being allowed to be friends with the child who brought the cigarettes to school, who was his best friend. difficult child is acting pretty depressed. I am thinking this is normal, who wouldn't be? I was going to give him a week or so before I became overly concerned. Does this sound reasonable?
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I found that denying my child her best friend in 6th grade was not a good move -- she just saw her behind my back. What did work was explaining that the two of them without someone supervising created problems for both of them. So, the girl was welcome in our home and was there almost every day after school. They were not allowed to walk to school together. At lunch, they were to be kept apart (the teachers and staff helped with this). This method actually worked out well. The girl, who was pretty much unsupervised, came to our home. The girls had a snack, did their homework together, then played. If I deemed the play was becoming inappropriate, the girl was to go home and we'd see her the next day.

    By the time they started high school, my daughter began to see that this girl was not a good friend, was not a good influence and was not someone she cared to call a friend any longer.

    I do believe that had I cut the friendship (with good reason since the girls were shoplifting together after school), several things would have occurred. (1) My daughter would have just snuck to be with her. (2) The girl would have become totally irresistible and an even stronger influence on my daughter. (3) My daughter would have been terribly lonely as this was the only girl that accepted my daughter as she was (mainly because she could bully her into doing what she wanted).

    If the boy is your son's only friend, he may be depressed for quite awhile -- at least until school is out. It must be hard to see someone you like and not be able to speak to them. I'd say being depressed is a reasonable reaction. Putting a time limit may not be as reasonable although I do agree that he might need some support to get through the rest of the school year.

    I wish you luck. It really would be nice if our kids could find at least one good friend who would set good examples instead of always finding one that has worse behavior or social skills than ours. We can dream, right?
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    "It is so hard when all the feedback I get from the school is negative, I have to fight to find positive."

    Do you get a chance to talk to teachers? I had a conversation with my difficult child's homeroom teacher last week regarding how he only gives me the negative stories ("no one will play with me, no one likes me, ect.") The teacher stated that was not so, that he was only telling me about the things that upset him. She then said, "And what do you hear from me? The bad things!" The other teachers have asked her to tell me EVERYTHING which definately has its good side and bad side. Their view point is that I NEED to know everything - which may be true but does get depressing at times because EVERYTHING is only the bad behavior, not the good times. I
    need to specifically ask both difficult child and teacher for good stories. What good happened? The mom in charge of lunch told me she had gotten after difficult child for something and another student came to his defense (and no one likes him? I think he has friends:) )

    "I was going to give him a week or so before I became overly concerned. Does this sound reasonable?"

    When you loose a friend, it is hard to find a new one. I don't know how to handle this one unless there is a friend you can invite over for a weekend day?
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    right now difficult child is torn. Part of him still likes the friend, and part is angry at him. difficult child did not want to smoke, and his friend pushed him to. He did not like it, it was "gross". The problem I have is they cannot even be outside unless I am with them, as they start swearing at each other and just fight. it is mf this and f that. Extremely foul. It is not all the other boy's fault, I just believe they bring out the worst in each other. I plan to sign difficult child up for several summer activities, thanks to the economic stimulus package, and hopefully he will have fun and meet friends there. How I wish kids, especially difficult child's, came with instruction manuals. Sometimes I am just at a loss..