Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Sep 24, 2009.
Please update. You have been in my thoughts all day.
Are you ok? Please check in.
She posted an update on her thread. The RO was extended.
Nothing much has happened. I've just been living my life and getting used to being a single again and taking care of administrative things. It's been good. Life is better, calmer, nicer, more pleasant, I sleep better, the kids are doing well, the neighbors supportive, etc... I used to cry about twice a week, haven't had to do that since he left.
I don't think things are going as well for him. I got the divorce summons this morning. He wants the joint home equity loan debt to be unevenly divided, but other than that doesn't seem to want to fight about anything. Debt is split equally in FL, so he probably won't get it. He says much of it went to pay off my van. Well, so, he agreed, and I also paid ALL the downpayment on the house, ALL the closing costs ($27,000 together), all the kitchen remodel, and a bunch of other stuff that if he'd paid his half, I wouldn't have had to use the equity loan to pay off my van. The judge will very likely order half and half, but it doesn't matter if he tries to get 'unequal' distribution of debt and 'relief', FL is 50/50.
Things haven't gone too well for him. My atty called this morning. xDH's 1988 truck broke and he wants to retrieve his 1988 starion that doesn't work so he can repair it and drive it. He has two of them, one was going to be used to fix the other and one is completely undrivable. He wants to tow them away. So we'll have to make arrangements. Last weekend I bought a new Sante Fe with a sun roof, nav system, cool gadgets, woodgrain, etc... Sucks to be him. (I looked in the window of the undrivable starion and there was a rat in it--I told my atty and he said, "Well, we won't fight him for the rats". LOL). I think
I had root canal on Tuesday and got out early and was driving thru the neighborhood to go see the jeweller; I'm going to have my wedding ring made into a regular ring with a sunrise topaz I got on the cruise set into it. When I bought the ring I was with husband and had hoped he would buy it for me seeing he never got me an anniversary gift and I had just paid $7000 for a cruise for him and his kids. He made a half hearted offer and I countered with, "But money's a little tight for you." He agreed and didn't insist and I looked at it and really wanted it and thought to myself, actually I want to buy it for myself. Sunrise topaz, the beginning of a new day, either I'm going to be happily married or I'm going to be happily divorced. So now it turns out I'm going to be happily divorced. And I'm glad I bought it. I love my wedding band, and inside it says: my love forever, which I think is probably true. However mad he might be, I was his greatest love and greatest hope for a happy future, even though he blew it. So I'm going to combine the two and wear it on my right hand, it has meaning for me.
Anyway I was driving thru the neighborhood and came upon the school bus dropping off kids, and low and behold, stepdau gets off the bus. She doesn't notice me because I'm in a new car. She's not with anyone, she wanders halfway up the street, then turns around and wanders back to the bus stop and up another street. She's just nine and all the other kids have disappeared with their moms, so it isn't as if she's going home with someone to play. And if she had an aftercare situation in one of the houses, then she would know where it was and not be wandering around, right?
So I'm a bit concerned about her. But there are other cars, so I drive around the block. When I pass her again, she's halfway down the block to the turn to my house, her old house and about two blocks away from a major street. WTH is she going? I go around the block again, now really concerned, and when I pass where she should be, she's gone. I think husband probably picked her up; I didn't notice his car, because his truck broke and he probably is driving a loaner from work or a rental. There was a car also circling the block in the opposite direction that caught my notice because I passed it twice and couldn't see the driver, a bit unusual, I wonder now if it was husband, and he picked her up after school and took her home.
In any case, she is no longer living at my address, husband has an RO which extends to his kids, so she's not allowed to, and she should not be going to that school. There are no rentals in this schools' district, only expensive houses husband couldn't even afford to rent. I wonder if she's alone with difficult child after school. I bet she is. This is really too bad. It felt strange and sad to see her, especially with her walking down an empty street appearing like she didn't know where she was supposed to go and not allowed to go to her own house. I felt really bad for her. Really bad.
On the other hand, husband might be dropping her off at an empty house or wherever they are living and having difficult child do aftercare. difficult child always loved aftercare (but then so did stepdau) but if husband can only afford one, he'll send difficult child. My 15 year old and I once saw difficult child walking home from school when I went to pick up the 15 year old after school, but we only saw him that once, so I don't know what happened to him.
On the way home from work, CPS legal division called me. She said she hadn't forgotten me and would send me the reports right away. She was very friendly, and said she didn't want me worrying that they'd forgotten. This is not the kind of thing people try to reassure child abusers about, so I'm guessing the reports state that I'm well cleared and difficult child is a mess. It will be interesting what they say about husband. husband would love to know, but will have to get his own reports. Oh wait, I don't know that he can. I have a need to know because of my security clearance, he doesn't. And they are confidential.
So that's where we stand. It's weird, but nice. I feel like I'm detoxifying and getting stronger and happier every day. I've even been asked out. Who would have thought, I'm FORTY EIGHT years old!
Ummmm... you're not dead yet, right? Glad to hear you are feeling better and getting to a healthier place. It's a sad situation, but you really have to do what's best for you.
Hang on, in Fl it's 50:50 split. I'm sorry, you have to take a cleaver to that rat... I mean the furry one, not the xDH.
Just looked at the divorce petition again, and he wants me to pay for his attorney because he makes less than me.
Well, he also works less than me (32 vs 40 hours). And with his child support, his take home pay and total monthly cash in pocket equals mine.
Now that I've gotten caught up and read both updates...
I'm glad the RO was extended...I was a bit worried about you.
I know this is said as someone who isn't facing the possible financial outcome of all of this but...You sound so much more relaxed and peaceful. Sometimes it's hard to discern someone's tone/emotions from a typed message but yours makes it sound like the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders and I'm very glad to hear that! I know there are other emotions and feelings about the entire situation but I think this is the best thing you could have done for yourself. This will work out for you, maybe not how you would prefer, but it will work out. You sound like you are breathing again versus previous posts where it seemed as if you were so tense that you were holding your breath.
I don't know if anything I've said makes sense but you sound much better already. You can do this!
And as for being asked out? I'm with Gcv....you're not dead! LOL Good for you!!!
While it is a shame that ex has but stepdau in that position, all you can do is tell CPS about it. Not sure what good it would do. Just keep on top on things so you don't lose your security clearance.
As for him wanting you to pay off his atty fees and most of the debt? Turn it all over to the shark of an atty you have.
Of course you got asked out! You are an interesting dynamic and attractive woman - what guy wouldn't want to go out with you???
Hugs. You really do sound happier. I am glad.
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